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Original poster

If your dh said you didn't need to go back to work would you?

44 replies

lexyloub · 11/06/2015 17:09

On Mat leave at the minute with dc3. After Dc1 I didn't go back to work and ended up having 5yrs off in that time dc2 came along. I got back into employment when dc2 was almost 2.
I loved being off with them but was ready to go back to work when I did. I work locally and although it's no glamorous job it's easy enough & I like the people I work with.
I've decided to take some extra unpaid maternity leave (mainly because I don't want to go back for the Xmas period) DH has told me I don't need to go back to work if I don't want to he's happy to support us financially we managed easy enough last time we can do it again.
I'm totally unsure what to do I absolutely love being at home with them and I dread to think how I'll cope working with 3 dc to get ready for school cook tea etc, however I like having that bit of extra money that's mine (not that dh would ever say I couldn't have any money) & I'm worried about getting back into employment again if I have another career break.
Any advice welcome?

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PullTheBricksDown · 11/06/2015 20:32

My DH said this to me a few years ago, after a spell where I'd been very ill. We also discussed me dropping down to part time. In the end I did neither, because I love my job and they helped me ease back in after sick leave. Good thing I did, as a bit further on my DH was made redundant and I became the sole earner (am still the bigger earner now as DH is retraining) and if I hadn't been in work, we'd have had to sell the house and would have been in major financial trouble. You never know what's coming round the corner.

lipsynch · 11/06/2015 20:35

Find a part time job.
I would not choose to be SAHM

Original poster

lexyloub · 11/06/2015 21:14

Argy we most definitely are a partnership but dh earns a day what I get a week so it's never been a 50/50 split in bills etc. It tends to be what's mine is mine and what's his is ours ha. Doesn't work for everyone but it does for us

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NakedFamilyFightClub · 11/06/2015 21:22

I'm totally demotivated after returning to work after maternity leave so my heart would jump at the chance, but then the little nagging voice that tells me I'd never get back into what I do if I quit for a few years would probably mean I'd stay.

I'm pretty much stuck where I am at the min as I've gone part time and nowhere would offer me a part time role if I moved. Plus I want to try for another DC and dont want to have to work full time for a year or two to get enhanced maternity pay in a new company.

NerdyBird · 05/07/2015 17:18

I would look at how going back is going to work in practical terms too. I'm just about to go back and I'm not looking forward to it. We'll be on a tight schedule! Are you going to find yourself trying to be in two places at once? How are timings of getting home from work, pick ups, tea/bedtime going to work? I think we're all going to be rather frazzled by it in our house.
Perhaps you can go back whilst looking for something else?

It's much easier for us all round if I don't work, but I should just about earn enough that it's worth it, we think. We'll see how it goes.

Original poster

lexyloub · 06/07/2015 21:40

I think that's what I'll have to do. I'm taking 2 months unpaid to take me til after Xmas but I'm already getting anxious about going back. My shifts would change every week with the rota only being done on a fri/sat for the week ahead meaning I can't organise child care and school pick ups on the last minute. Absolutely dreading it

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Original poster

lexyloub · 06/07/2015 21:41

Until the last minute I mean

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Imsosorryalan · 06/07/2015 21:51

Only you know if you can stay at home full time and not go crazy! I was at home for 6 years and went back part time this year. I loved being at home and being able to drop them off at school, pick them up, attend the school performances etc and it was easier for us.

The dcs loved having me around. I kept busy and volunteered which then led me into paid employment. Don't let anyone guilt trip you into having to work. You can always get back into work if you want it bad enough later!

Original poster

lexyloub · 06/07/2015 22:03

I was a sahm for 5yrs when I had my older children so I can't envisage how I'll cope going back this time.

OP posts:

RookieDad · 24/10/2015 20:51

I'd jump at the chance to be a STAHP parent if it was offered. Unfortunately that would require a lottery win.

AnneElliott · 24/10/2015 20:54

No, I would never give up work. I think it's a mistake to rely financially on someone else.

Fairylea · 24/10/2015 20:59

I stopped work in a very highly paid career when I had my second child. For us I always intended to go back but ds was diagnosed with severe autism and I wasn't able to and actually I realise now I wouldn't have wanted to go back! I love being at home and don't regret leaving my job at all - dh has always enjoyed working more than me even though his job gives half the income mine used to.

I know all the pitfalls of relying on someone else financially as I was divorced before I met dh and it screwed me over but even the thought of that doesn't encourage me to want to return to work, I just absolutely hated work and compared to being at home it all seems pointless in terms of reward (just my opinion).

The one thing I would say is make sure you have equal spending money otherwise you will end up resentful.

poocatcherchampion · 24/10/2015 21:04

Do you want to say what sort of work it is? It sounds like there is nothing particular thing you to the job - so perhaps a solution is to quit and look for something more suitable. More stable or better shifts?

If your dh wage can tide you over a bit then there is less pressure?

(Although I agree you are talking about money in a very him and me way. Are you married?)

areyoubeingserviced · 24/10/2015 21:14

I would definitely keep a foot in the door by working part time.

MotherOfFlagons · 24/10/2015 21:25

Yes, 1000%. There is no way I'd be reliant on another person financially. And frankly, reading MN over the last year or so has brought home to me that even the best partnership can go wrong and it's the woman left struggling with money.

ExDH earned a lot more than me and because I was young and let him take control of everything, when we split (DV), I was left with pretty much nothing. He bought a new house with the proceeds from the sale of our house and I ended up in a room in a shared house. In the end I got a qualification and now I have an extremely good career but it was several years of poverty and struggling to get by.

It's tempting to take the offer to not work, but I'm sorry, OP, I just would not do it.

threebedsemi · 31/10/2015 07:07

I am in a similar situation to op and I am taking this as an opportunity to start my own business. Nothing massive (yet..) but something that allows me to make 'my own money' (independence ) and I think my children take pride in being able to say that their mummy has a career outside of taking care of the home etc.

It has also given me the flexibility I need to attend the various school activities whenever I can.

squizita · 27/11/2015 21:14

I was becoming weird, obsessed and anxious at home all day. Going back was definitely good for all of us in my case and if I'd not done it paid I'd have ended up doing a lot of volunteering (or cracking up).

HolisticMama13 · 11/06/2016 01:22

I would be SAHM in a heart beat! But that's what I would choose. And we're all different. Good luck whatever you decide on xx

CheerfulMuddler · 02/03/2017 15:30

I pretty much had an entirely free choice as we could have survived on DH's salary, and I'm self employed, so can choose how much work I want to take on.

I chose to go back three days a week and that suits me very well. No way would I have been happy being a sahm - I would have missed my work and ended up resenting my child. But I didn't want to put the baby in full time childcare either and miss out on that time with him.

Everyone's situation is different though.

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