I have recently started therapy sessions to cope with extreme anxiety. My therapist explained that it sounds as though my mother is a narcissist, and after doing some research I realise that she is. So I am preparing to start dealing with this, but I'm really worried about the contact she has with my children, who are 4 and 2. I and the rest of my family have realised that there is something not normal about the relationship with my children. My eldest is definitely the 'golden child' and the two year old she is slightly more relaxed with, I don't think she scapegoats her. She idolises both of them, I try to set boundaries about the food, presents she gives and way she to talks to them which has met with varying degrees of success. She gives them no boundaries, over praises, requests biweekly visits and after one week she couldn't see them for a few weeks over the phone I heard her saying to my son, "Granny misses you so much, when mummy decides to let me see you again...". So that kind of thing, all the time. At the moment she gets about 2 hours of contact alone with them, which I could stop, the rest of the time I'm there. It would destroy her not to see them, and she constantly compares to the access my mil gets. Despite everything I love my mum. And the children have fun with her, love her, and I have always felt as though I can buffer her influence and protect them. But now I am starting to read and realise the extent of how my childhood with her has affected me I'm concerned. I am also worried about how the rest of my family would react if I started to decrease her contact.
I am going to go through this obviously at length in my therapy sessions but I have posted the odd thing here before and have always received very honest advice, even if slightly brutal ;). And I'm interested to hear people's opinions and advice and especially of those who are dealing with similar situations. Tia