Talk to me about toddler and newborn please!

[Cloggal]

I've just had my second bfp, after years of thinking I wouldn't have DC it looks like I might be lucky enough to have two! I'm over the moon.

after the initial elation my head is kicking in and I'm realising that I just get by at the moment - how on earth do people do it with a newborn and toddler? My gap will be 2.5. Is a double buggy the answer to getting out? I find slings tricky for health reasons but I'd try again, is it worth it?

any golden advice very welcome!

My gosh snap!! Will be watching this thread with interest! :) x

A 2.5 year old will be fine on a buggy board. But if you do lots of long journey and the toddler still naps you might find you need a double. I had a 23 month gap and only used the double a handful of times really. Congratulations I was told I was unlikely to have a child (pcos) I bow have three.

Thanks giraffe (great name, have you met Sophie? ) - congratulations on your three, too.

I do quite a lot of walking with the buggy, I'm a bit nervous about the toddler on a buggy board but they look fab. I'll check them out!

I have the same gap and my little one is now 5 months old. I live in london and walk everywhere so could not have done without a double. The toddler initially refused the Phil and teds so I muddled throifh the first months with a Maclaren and a sling. Then I bought a second hand buggaboo bee as it's easier with a buggy board but tbh for the walking we do it is far better to have a double. Thabkfulky the toddler likes the Phil and teds now we have swapped the seats around (moved the baby from carry cot position quickly as he hated it but it does mean he is a bit slumped when asleep). Also at my parents house abroad I have a double maclaren and tbh this is much nicer - side by side - than tha Phil and teds. Thinking of bringing it back here although it would be worse on buses etc. It's been a bit difficult to be honest! But a double for us works much better than a buggy board.

Thanks freelance we're in a city too - I quite liked the look of the Baby Jogger City Mini double but didn't know if it was worth it, I'll check the others you've mentioned too.

How do you manage with two under three? I'm far more nervous about logistics this time -I think ignorance was probably bliss!

We have a 2.5 gap, lo now 18 weeks. Firstly, it's not as hard as you expect! We were constantly told going from 1 to 2 is harder than 0 to 1. I can assure you it's not. Baby possibly not as picked up/ played with as pfb, but otherwise fine. We are lucky in that dd loves her little brother and just wants to help and be involved in everything. Including breastfeeding! We tried initially with a buggy board, but bought a double after 6 weeks, and still use that in combination with sling.

Congratulations and best of luck!

Such a relief to hear someone say that mrsboathook - it's very early days but even the few people who know have been quite damning about how hard it's all going to be!
My DS is quite a sensitive chap - can only hope he will be as happy as your DD when his sibling arrives :)

I agree, going from 0-1 is the hardest. after that an extra one just fits in with your existing life.

This is a bit more of what I need to hear .

I'm so excited about DC2 but the compulsive planner control freak in me is having kittens! Thinking it's going to be twice as hard isn't helping!

I'm due with DC2 and will have a 2.5 yr gap. Not planning on a double as we couldn't get it into our flat or the lift in our building. And anyway, DD won't nap in a buggy. She's pretty good at walking holding onto my hand and I'll get a buggy board for when she gets tired. I'll probably also just sling the newborn for the first few months anyway.

On another note, can anyone recommend any good books to get DD used to the idea of me having a baby? She talks all the time about mummy having a baby in her tummy and has been uncharacteristically clingy the past few weeks as my bump has become more noticeable. I think the prospect of a sibling is unsettling her!

Good point about checking whether I'll be able to get a double into our building citydweller. Making notes here.

I have a 2 year gap, and use a double buggy daily (it's a side by side so that I can have a big basket) and would be really stuck without it. But we do walk a lot.

I occasionally use a MacLaren with a sling, but as the baby grew heavier I really struggled with all the constant bending down to deal with the toddler (snacks, wiping up, zipping up, unzipping, more snack, etc). Buggy board would be good for short distances, but DD likes to walk or run until she has no energy left whatsoever, and I expect would then try to squeeze into the single buggy with DS rather than stand on a board.

Having said that a sling is great for a short pram-free trip to the park, or if we're walking and DS needs a feed, as he can bf in the sling and I can still just about chase after DD in a really lop-sided way.

CityDweller, There's a house inside my mummy was loved by DD, her favourite book for several months and is still read most nights, 7 months after her brother was born.

Thanks for that book tip pileoflaundry.

OP, I know it seems everyone is saying you need a double, but hardly anyone I know around me (small flats in a central city location) has one unless they have twins or a very small age gap.

We are 2 weeks in, with a 2 year age gap.

• practice with a buggy board before baby arrives, DD doesn't understand that she can't step off while we're moving

• have somewhere to put the baby in each room or at least on each floor

• have a drawer full of things dc1 can do by themselves or with minimal input ie stickers. I'm fact, get dc1 playing independently as much as possible before baby arrives, the fact that DD will happily sit on the floor "reading" for 5/10 minutes makes a huge difference.

Congratulations

Great tips trilbydoll, thank you and congratulations to you, too .

citydweller, yep - I'm a bit more likely to need some kind of buggy board or double as I struggle with slings, but I'd also far rather go for the simplest and cheapest option where possible.

Thanks pileoflaundry I really like the idea of a buggy board on the back of my pushchair but can't imagine ds staying put. Might borrow one and see how he gets on, thanks for the book tip too!

I had a box of magazines, books, colouring books, crayons, sticker books etc. next to the sofa for ds for when I was feeding dd. bought ds a doll and pram for his 2nd birthday just before dd was born. He used to walk up and down winding baba

I wrote out a list of toys / games / activities and left it on the mantle piece so that I could make sure we weren't doing the same things over and over. Just a simple list like park, beach, wooden train tracks, Bob toys, blocks, play dough, library, cars, painting, tents etc... I would get something different out ready for ds in the evening so there was something new to occupy him and when we had that rare opportunity to do something I could look at that and choose quickly. (Just had dc3 and found that list again looking through old diaries so am sure it will come in handy even though the other two are at school all day now!)

If you can prep lunch the night before, and any fruit snacks you might need in the day for you both. Easier to grab a packed lunch box for you both out of the fridge than worry how you can make lunch whilst feeding etc! (Especially fun if you get a new lunchbox for dd) batch cook on weekends and short-cuts for easy meals in the early months. - jkt pot and pasta are both weekly meals here.

Rest as much as you can now! Good luck and enjoy xx

Ps we had a Phil and teds as we live in a rural area and I do walk a lot. I would get a side by side if I had dc4 now, out n about nipper or city jogger type, but Phil and teds did the trick and we got a very good price on eBay for it when we sold it on.

Watching as am currently pregnant and terrified as dd will be 2.1 when new baby arrives. We were the first of our friends to have DC and everyone is a bit that we are stupid brave enough to have 2!

DC2 due in 2 days - eek! DC1 is bit older though at 3.2. That is a brilliant list of ideas daisy so thanks.

Oh and trilby. It's helps to know 1 to 2 is easier.

Congratulations !! I felt just like you and wondered how I would ever manage, but honestly your organisation skills are just about to come into their own. Plan everything carefully in advance:

All clothes, nappy bag packed, breakfast bowls out and everything prepared, washing on, buggy ready the night before, every night without fail. It saves the morning rush and forgetting things at the last minute.

Prepare dinner at nap time in the afternoon ~ invest in a slow cooker, chop all the veggies etc, and then go and sit down and relax. The worst part of any day is the twilight zone 5-7pm so be sure to get the dinner done in the afternoon and it really takes the stress out of it. Keep the feeling happy with games and singing will help, and a sling I found super helpful, but a baby chair facing you will work just as well for your newborn whilst you feed and take care of your toddler.

Bring dinner forward and start bath time early and make it leisurely, with music (make sure you have a radio upstairs for singing and keeping the mood uplifting) and make it really fun for both. I had a baby chair with harness upstairs and downstairs so I always had somewhere safe to put the baby when my toddler needed me. My eldest dd and I would bath the baby together, she loved doing and would also massage the baby and put her nappy on. Get your toddler involved in everything ~ it is a sure way to keep them happy and connected.

Keep your plans simple for day time activities, do not over commit, it leads to frantic days. One thing a day ~ feed the ducks, a picnic, a visit to the park. Simple and relaxing. Everything needs to be done slowly, the minute you decide not to pressure yourself into taking on too much, you will then enjoy your days out so much more, you have many many wonderful days to look forward to.

Lastly book an hour or two out for yourself every week, dh or someone close to give you a break. This way you will never feel depleted and will have some down time so you can continue being a truly wonderful parent, some weeks you will need it more than others, but you should always try to have a bit of me time.

Enjoy every moment. I was really scared, but really needn't have worried, honestly the 0-1 is the very hardest, this time you will know just what to do!! Nothing will faze you, and you are likely to be a far more confident parent because of it x

Congrats. I had 2.5 yrs between mine.

Your toddler will grow up a lot in the next nine months. They will be much more robust and less of a liability by the time the new baby arrives. The challenge of dealing with him/her will shift away from preserving their safety 24/7 to battling with their increasingly strong will and trying to get them to do what you need them to do!

In terms of how it goes once the baby is here, it depends a bit on the baby. If you get a chilled out one, it can be busy but not too hard. The toddler doesn't feel totally pushed out so doesn't get too jealous, the baby doesn't cry too much and so doesn't distress the toddler, the baby hopefully just fits in and is happy to sit in his/her bouncy chair watching proceedings, and only wakes up once or twice in the night so you're not totally knackered, fairly soon you can get the knack of getting out and about with them both and you're on the downhill to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Of course if your baby is very high needs it is much more difficult - toddler is enraged at being displaced and so plays up much more, its really hard to get out and about, you are knackered as the children are so demanding and its harder to do what works with small children (i.e. being firm, consistent, warm and calm) because you are on the verge of a nervous breakdown due to the huge demands and tiredness.

Pray for an easy one. . Good luck and congrats.

Thanks so, so much for the tips. daisy, heartofgold and bump these are all wise words and very practical too. Just what I needed! I'm so excited about dc2... Definitely will pray for an easy one though

I have actually bookmarked this thread in case I ever get panicked about it! Love the idea of an already-prepared, early dinner and leisurely bath time. Sensible stuff thanks again heart

Congratulations.
I have an 8 month old and 2.9 yr old, both gorgeous squishy boys.
My oldest has always been a buggy refuser so I bought a buggy board and showed him how it worked a few times in the house, he loves it and we go every where with him on it and baby facing us in the buggy. He plays peepo with the baby now by pulling down the hood of the buggy and baby laughs like a drain, it is adorable.
We do have a off road double (side by side) that we use for country walks/beaches/farm, I got it second hand and it is fab, very big and heavy to lift into car though and I didn't like baby in it before 6 months as felt toddler might squash him a bit!
I am quite strict on our routine when it is just the 3 of us during the week/ out for 10, back for 12, lunch, nap for both. The nap gives me time to just relax, put a box set on and do nothing for an hour.
The house has suffered, but I tell myself there is time in the future for a spotless house, at the moment it is as good as possible.
I found the hardest thing was bath time as baby would scream after bath until bottle and toddler would cry to be dressed first (husband works nights so not about at bath time most of week).
I had to harden myself to the baby crying and put him safely on a play mat (sometime he would be fine, other times he would scream) and get toddler out/dressed/teeth brushed.
I always make sure I have bed time stuff laid out on sofa before I go up for bath time, then bring them down to put in pj's and give baby bottle. Toddler watches some tv whilst I do this then we all go up for cuddles and stories (co sleeping with baby, move toddler from our bed when he is asleep)
I did use a sling a lot when baby was a newborn as he had reflux and would only settle in sling so he went every where in one, now he is happy on my hip.
There have been moments when I have cried with frustration, when both are wanting me and crying for me, when both are causing destruction or the toddler has pushed the baby but overall it has been great.
Nothing like lying between your two babies as they cuddle into you or watching them make each other laugh, it fills your heart with happiness