Help me deal with my fm

[wheresthelight]

I have posted in aibu before about my fm and her behaviour with regards my dd but need advice on how to handle this without creating ww3

My not quite2 yo is a feisty madam and when tired can get slap happy. She thinks it's a game and whist we do tell her firmly "no" and explain it hurts Etc she is just at that age. My mum threatened to smack her the other day and then when I was changing her nappy mum grabbed her and smacked her bum because dd was messing about. It wasn't hard and dd didn't cry but it annoyed me. I will tap her hands if she is messing but I do not want to use smacking (not a dig at folk who do just my choice). How do I tell her that it's not acceptable and that we (dp and I) don't want it used without her throwing a huff?

If she ever does use it it will be the last time she ever sees dd

You just tell her, calmly and clearly. So just say that you and your DH don't smack and you expect anyone that is around your DD or looking after her not to smack either.

I would have been extremely unhappy with your mum "grabbing" your DD when you were changing her nappy! It's overstepping the line IMO for her to decide to intervene like that. Did you say anything to her at the time?

I wasn't able to say anything at the time, I was too cross and would have ended on a huge argument. She is not the most approachable person. Everything I do that is different to how she did it is taken as me throwing in her face that she did it wrong. She didn't do it wrong we just have different styles but she is a my way or the high way type

If she has that attitude then maybe now might be a good time to step back from the relationship with her. It's not fair on you for her to consider any differences in your parenting to be an attack on her. When it comes to your children, your way is what counts not hers. If she can't see that and back off, then you are going to encounter more and more of these clashes in the future.

Can you sit down with her (without your DD around) and tell her that you are feeling like you don't want to see her as much because she won't listen to you or respect your parenting. In future she needs to listen and respect your decisions or you won't feel able to see her as much. If you think she will take massive offence at that, then perhaps just reduce how often you see her without having the conversation first.

As you're trying to stop dd from smacking cant you just say you don't want dm to smack her or threaten it as dd is copying the behaviour.

if my mum grabbed my DS who is also 2, and smacked him while I was changing him, I would have probably exploded with rage there and then. told her in no uncertain terms she never smacks my DS again. done. your problem is you didn't tell her at the time so now you have to bring it up again. I wouldn't worry about her being fin a huff, let her huff, your child not being smacked is more important.