In shock after doc thinks 7 month old shouldn't go abroad!

[Rose138]

Hello,

We are going to turkey next week. My son has got eczema and I phoned the docs for advice on the best sun cream. The nurse practitioner phoned me today to tell me he should not be in the sun and that it is silly to be taking him to turkey! I said of course he's not going to be in the sun, we have a villa and I have a uv tent for him hats ect ect ect. But I said to her even in the shade I would put sun cream on him as a breeze can burn, especially abroad. She said she wouldn't take a 7 month old away.

I was so upset so phoned back and asked to speak to the practise manager. I explained and said I felt my parenting was being judged. She to my astonishment said "well we are all older parents here you see and we were talking and saying how we wouldn't take a 7 month old abroad". I asked if my complaint was going to be listened to and she said "do you actually want me to take your complaint seriously, what do you want to achieve?". Off the phone I was so upset and phoned my mum. She was furious and phoned the nurse practitioner saying how upset I was and that a gp surgery should support mums and not destroy their confidence ect. The nurse practitioner replied that "I have had a long day lets all calm down and I'll phone you next week".

I'm just so so shocked and upset at the way we have been spoken to. Also I'm now questioning our holiday. Are we wrong to take him? I suffered from post natal depression and feel that this is pushing me back to feeling like a rubbish mum

Sorry OP.

When the manager phones back point out you weren't asking permission or advice on travelling simply on skincare for your child.

I know you didn't speak to a doctor but the general principle is that they should work in partnership with you. doctors are required to do this as per Duties of a Doctor set by the GMC..

Work in partnership with patients.
Listen to, and respond to, their concerns and preferences.
Give patients the information they want or need in a way they can understand.
Respect patients' right to reach decisions with you about their treatment and care.
Support patients in caring for themselves to improve and maintain their health.

Basically you needed advise on managing your child's eczema abroad which they still haven't delivered. They should respect you to make parenting decisions for your child unless they have genuine concerns for the welfare of your child - which is clearly nonsense in this scenario.

I hope they have a think and phone back with an apology.

Hi. I have no advice to give about taking a young child abroad or about eczema for that matter. I just wanted to give some support as a fellow PND sufferer.

When a new mother spends those first months or years feeling completely low and completely inadequate it really doesn't take much to be made to feel that way again - especially when you feel your parenting is being questioned. I think you have realised you overreacted but I probably would have done the same because the slightest criticism can sometimes take me back to those very dark days of feeling like I'm failing my child. If I was you I'd try to forget that any of this happened with and go and enjoy your holiday!

I've just come back from Spain with my 15week old he was an absolute dream I didn't know I had him. He was content being in his buggy I kept him out the sun using parasols and fed him in the shade etc. I think now is an ideal time to take a baby abroad as they're not old enough to want to be running of etc next year's holiday will be a complete different story ha. I used Tesco own baby suncream even though he was in the shade all the time although I'm not sure if it would be suitable to use on excema skin. Ignore what that daft bitch said and go enjoy your holiday.

1. I was so upset and phoned my mum. She was furious and phoned the nurse practitioner saying how upset I was and that a gp surgery should support mums and not destroy their confidence ect. The nurse practitioner replied that "I have had a long day lets all calm down and I'll phone you next week".

1. But she knows what I'm like and thought I was overreacting so phoned to see what she was trying to get across to me but then she ended up being rude to my mum too.

1. she phoned to listen to the practice managers side but then she was spoken to awfully as well.

OP, your first description of your mum's reasons for calling the surgery is very different to your second two. It's very overdramatic and completely skewed. I get the impression that you are prone to overreacting, and I suspect that you have blown out of all propertion whatever comment was made by the nurse. I suspect that it wasn't a judgemental comment at all, and you've chosen to take it that way.

Squigglyline, my mum was furious that I was so upset but said to me that she would speak to her to see the point she was trying to get across to me-thinking I may have overreacted. If you read SalsaP's comment, she had explained so well how I felt at the time. My mum was immediately spoken to really badly by the practice manager as she quickly started to patronise and say she had been at the surgery since 7 in the morning and was very tired, they as older mums don't think babies should go abroad, shes been on a plane before with screaming children and wondered why parents take them ect.
That's your opinion of me but you don't know me so maybe don't comment if you have nothing polite or helpful to contribute.

Thank you to those wishing us a nice holiday.xxx

we're just back from a week sailing in greece with my 7mo, it was great! His eczema was fine with suncream and swimming pools but he screamed and screamed in the sea, it took a few minutes to realise it was probably very stingy! hcps are there to give information and advice, not opinions. Pharmacist can probably give you best advice on suncream

Thing being Rose138 - you asked people on the internet for opinions. You didn't say "Please will you only post if you hold the same opinion as me".

Oh, and I had read the full thread when I posted before, I just happen to hold a different opinion from you.

Back for good/squigglyline:
It really isn't for you to JUDGE someone in such a harsh way. Calling other parents 'overdramatic' takes the thread into a very unhelpful and unsupportive direction. It is a very lazy comment, and one not intended to help the mother only to cause her to feel angry or disappointed in fellow parents. This is not the purpose of MN to spread bad feeling.
If you have another view, fine, do feel free to express it, but do not resort to name calling. I am not sure who made you judge and jury, but the general idea is to give a point of view without causing offence...

Rose ~ good for your mum for caring so much she rang the surgery, what a lovely and supportive and caring parent. If you are feeling vulnerable, there is nothing wrong with having people fighting your corner. It is wrong of others to label it immature. It is not immature, some times we are too exhausted to fight our own battles when we have very young babies. It is so annoying everyone judging every little thing, no wonder you were cross with the surgery. They had no right to force you to listen to their 'personal' point of view, it was unprofessional of them to say the least. There are certainly no 'official' health guidelines preventing or suggesting you do not take your baby away, so they should not have said anything at all, and simply provided you with the information you needed to look after your baby whilst you are there.
Have a wonderful time and do not let the doom mongers spoil it for you!

I'd probably write a letter to the surgery and if an apology wasn't received, then to a higher authority.
Their attitude was not on at all. They have to give health advice (e.g. keep your baby covered, in the shade, hydrated, etc) not personal advice about where they would or would not take a baby (which was also stupid).

Heart of Gold - ha ha! Judging people's behaviour is EXACTLY what AIBU is all about!

I stand by my post - OP's first description of her mum's intervention was very different to her subsequent ones. As she says herself, she's prone to overreacting. My reading of her post is that she is BU because she has over-dramatised events in a highly emotional way which makes it impossible to judge whether the nurse was rude and unprofessional or whether OP just misinterpreted a chatty comment and flew off the handle.

Making that judgement and posting about it is absolutely within the remit of AIBU. Or are we only allowed to post on AIBU if we agree with the OP. What a dull read that would be.

This isn't AIBU, it's Parenting. Se wasn't asking AIBU, she's upset.

Aarrgh! Buglife, you are absolutely right, and I apologise, Heart. I still have the same opinion, but I should have phrased it in a more careful way.

Sorry OP. In the nicest way though, do you think you may have got very emotional about what was more of an off-the-cuff comment? Your OP does read as if it was written a very heightened state.

It seems that the OP is not the only one prone to overreacting and over-dramatising and over-reading into things that were said/written.

I think the last thing the OP wrote on her OP asks quite clearly for sensitivity.

I will take that on the chin, Lweji!

Blazing why is it bonkers.....

You know that people who live in Turkey and other hot countries have babies too don't you .........? Some of them have even have eczema I guess. It's not going to kill anyone.

I personally would never go back to that GP practice ever again, and I'd make a formal complaint about them. Having had similar experiences with some of the ladies in my local practice- I know that they love to share their 'experiences'...which, in my honest opinion, is not the same as an opinion from an actual doctor.

I'd just ignore the bonkers old bat.

Children are born and live quite happily in very hot countries. We took our baby to China, Australia and New Zealand when he was small. He was fine.

Send an email complaint if it will make you feel better, but to be honest...I'd just move on. She is probably the type of woman my MIL who thinks you should wean at 3 months and put them outside in their pram for some fresh air

I'm thinking of a Tropical -> Temperate zone shuttle for babies from the tropics when it gets hot. And a Temperate zone exchange shuttle for Summer and Winter periods.

Has your son got severe eczema requiring steroid cream regularly?

That's the only circumstance that I could see them taking such an extreme view as it thins the skin doesn't it and makes it more sensitive to light?

HeartofGold - actually, it is for people to make a judgement and offer their opinions - that's why the question is asked. If you don't want to know what people think, then don't ask them what they think.
Also - I did not name call - indeed, I'm the person who reported another person for namecalling and the post was then deleted by MNHQ. We were asked to judge the situation based on the facts given, so that's what we did. I'm fine with being in the minority, but stand by my thoughts that the OP blew the situation out of proportion. OP is free to ignore my opinion, obviously, but if a question is asked, then you have to expect that some people will support you and some will think differently from you.

Just like I completely disagree with what you've written about the Mum phoning the surgery. You think it's a lovely thing, but even most 16 yr olds I know would die of embarrassment if their parents interfered in such a way, let alone a grown woman with a child of their own. Again - 2 different opinions, which everybody is entitled to express.

No not severe eczema thankfully.

Thank you all for your comments. In agreement and disagreement- I appreciate all of you for taking the time to respond. X

Er, I'm an 'older mother' and all of my 3 kids had been abroad before they were a year old. Ok, none of them had eczema but in my experience, a change of climate can be a good thing for certain conditions. And as others have said, they do have small babies in Turkey.

OP, I have nothing practical to add except you are a good mum and you are clearly taking care of your lo's needs. Maybe UV protective clothing is the way to go. But you are doing nothing wrong - have a lovely holiday.

Ask your pharmacist about the sun cream, mine was very helpful in picking out something suitable for ds.

Enjoy your holiday, Db brought his son to Turkey when he was 4 months old and they had a great time.

What happened with your gp surgery would upset me too, especially the feeling that they were gossiping about me-very unprofessional. Is it an option to change gp? I would feel that my trust was broken. This does not make for a good relationship with your gp practice

I'm really surprised how many people think it's a bad idea. You know they have babies in Turkey too right?! And much hotter places! OP I'd definitely put in a complaint in writing to your GP surgery. They have no right to question your decision. I'd suggest a health food shop for advice, I seem to recall 'Jason' or something similar being a recommended brand....