Dreading the summer holidays

[Allyouneedispug]

I have a confession. I'm a teacher and dreading the upcoming holidays,

DS is 16 months old and is a high maintenance nutcase. He's lovely but exceptionally hard work-think constant attention, moaning, strops etc. He's a delight for nursery (in 3 days a week) because there is so much to entertain him. At home, he's scrabbling at the door within 20m of wake up because he "needs" to go outside.

I have one day at home during the week with DS and, on a good day, I love it. We play, read, sing, go to the library, soft play, park etc. On a bad day, he will whine and gripe and moan from the moment he wakes up til the moment he goes to sleep. After days like that-and they're becoming a much more regular occurrence of late-I thank my lucky stars i get to go back to work the next day and that he's someone else's problem. I know- I don't deserve him.

The thought of 6 weeks of just "us" makes me feel physically sick. I had terrible PND with him and I can't help thinking back to those first months where we would sit in the house all day, both of us in tears.

We don't have a secure garden, the house is tiny and I will have the responsibility of entertaining this little ball of fury every day. Every sodding day. How am I going to manage-my creativity stretches as far as soft play and he's shown no interest in arty things; all he wants to do is run around outside and terrorise the neighbours cat.

I know I'm going to be judged horribly for the way I feel but there is no way I can admit this to
Anyone in RL.

Please don't be too harsh-I already feel like the worst mum ever.

For the record, I love the bones of DS, I just find parenting so unbelievably hard.

Sorry for all typos was on my mobilex

Walking might be less of an issue in a couple of months, but if not I'd pop along to a sling library and see about the price of a long loan baby carrier or to buy one.

Bebo or Tula toddler might be good. I've been using a Kibi and love the ease now I'm practiced of getting dd in and out of it, and then not having to worry about a pushchair when she decides she want to walk for a bit. It did take quite a it of getting use to though.

My local children's centre has a toy library, reserve then one week, collect the next. Might allow you some respite if toys are new and rotated regularly?

Very difficult age. I would keep going with the nursery sessions over the summer. Babies and toddlers can be such hard work, I much prefer when they are primary age and can hold a conversation and understand reason. It will pass and you are not terrible for admitting how hard toddlers can be!

Can you find a Messy Monkeys or similar type group? I hate toddler groups etc but this style of class really worked. No need to interact with other mums if you didnt fancy, load of toddlers doing that proper.messy play they love, a little dunk in a bath at the end.

Id also try and get up and out by nine, and force yourself to stay out til noon. Even just a walk into town with him having a snack in the buggy, or a morning walk somewhere off road.

Home for lunch and a long lunchtime nap, then tv/movie in the late afternoon.

What about putting a notice up in local cafe or library and setting up a group for mums with toddlers...you could say 'when toddler groups shut for summer who fancies having a meet up in the park ' ..great way to make friends...

What do You like doing? I personally don't agree with always going to parks/ soft play/ kids only stuff. It makes you resent them as you get nothing done you like. Pick something you like that he can go to also, add stuff he likes into the day, rather than while day focused on him

Ie dh and I like museums. So day would be something like 9am head to museum going via walking where possible so they can find flowers/ see birds/ run. By 10am when museum opens they have worn initial energy off. He can toddle in museum or go in pram or sling. Lunch where you like. He can nap in pram whilst you shop, then visit his friends/ park/ swim after. So day of compromises

Visit your friends or to your favourite places, with stuff for him in between. Gradually as he grows hopefully he will also enjoy what you like also.

Can your dh also help in mornings? Ie if son is awake early, your dh could take him for 20 min walk around local roads before he leaves for work so a) they get some time together b) you get 20 mins alone to shower/ relax c) burns some energy off so he isn't bouncing to go out immediately if you don't want to

A push along trike might help with the buggy issue on suitable occasions, otherwise just force the buggy.
Check local libraries for holiday activities.
Some churches run childrens activities too.
How about swimming lessons, or fun sessions at the pool.
A ply pen for the garden - turn it into a den - blanket over the roof etc. You can check the area of grass beforehand to make sure it's safe, but to be honest a bit of grass and a few daisies have been eaten by most toddlers without any harm!
Visit to farms etc - they often have really good play areas too and can take a whole day.
I would certainly see if you can get along to a toddler group or two this half term so that you can get to know some other mummies before the holidays start - it may be possible to organise weekly meet-ups in local parks etc during the holidays.

If you have space i'd really recommend a mini trampoline with handle - can be used inside or out and could be hours and hours of entertainment if he likes it as much as mine did!

I also had a small paddling pool to fill with water for hot days but was rarely used in England or small balls to create a ball pool. Could be used indoors or out.
A water/sand table/pit went down well at that age.

As everybody else has said (great ideas, I'm making notes!) and also... Your DS will be a little bit older in 8/10 weeks time and may well be out of this phase and into another one. They change so quickly, try not to worry too much about what he is like now as he will be a smidge older

Are you in London ? One a clock clubs are very good (and free). Ds was similar (still is tbh aged 11) we went out every morning and afternoon until he went to school, he is still very difficult if we ever just come straight back after school without park/swimming/other clubs. Some dcs just need a lot of stimulation IMO. It is hard work.On a postive note you will both get very fit. Agree with other about walking everywhere (or walk to the bus? Ds loved public transport at that age) and carrying a little ride on. Other useful things are reins or a little life backpack.

You have to compromise. If you teach them that it is all about them you end up with a stroppy nightmare of a four year old who thinks that the world revolves.

If you want to get somewhere - put him in the buggy, he will get used to it.

I understand exactly how you feel - I had PND with DS1 and the terror of it returning was awful, but you have to be brave and try and get on with things.

Small trampoline that can be used indoors or out is a good idea - also those pop up tunnel/tent things are great when they are that age and you can take them outside or use them indoors.

My advice is to find some places where you can just let him run, and either drive there, or put him in the buggy and walk. Block your ears to the yelling

The bit where you said you aren't built for toddler groups....who is, seriously? They are the work of the devil and most of us hated them, but your ds can run off steam and you can stuff your face with weak tea and biscuits and pretend to smile at the crap going on around you...or if you're really lucky you might meet a like minded soul to chat to

good luck op, its hard going at that age, dont kid yourself its not

Thanks-some great ideas here.

Circumstances make things more difficult for us-no car, living a substantial way from most things but pubic transport isn't too bad so I'll just have to get used to the bus.

I think I'll buy one of the push along trike things to avoid buggy meltdowns, get a monthly pass for soft play, look into swimming lessons and-shudder-look for toddler groups.

Only three weeks until the survival begins! Thanks you all so much for your advice and hand-holding. I'm doing my best to stay positive.

Just want to add what others said ...I can't stress enough that all phases change...at the moment he is in a difficult one but he will get older and easier all the time..language will leap from 2 onwards as will ability to play imaginatively or do specific things like games cooking etc. ..so this summer may be a tough one but the holiday after that will be totally different. ..

Good luck I bet you have some great days when you feel you have achieved something just by making it alive and ok to 5pm! ...that's what cheered me up during tough bits....

You've had some great advice. I would add - do ask your friends with older children if they'd like to meet up. Mine are now 5 and 7 and I remember those days well. Mine are much easier now so I can give friends with smaller ones a bit of help and things like swimming are much easier with more than one adult.

I still used nurseries in the holidays when mine were that young. It's a crazy age!

Long-term, could you move somewhere more central? Or nearer to family and friends?

I recently moved to my parents' town, where my brother also lives, and it's made such a difference to my outlook. So many more people to help, who don't MIND helping (spending time with my DSs), but actually want to. It's amazing.

Print a 6 week calender - each week write in the free stuff - library - park - friends over/play date - then the none free stuff - swimming - ball park - shopping - look at local library for days out - zoo etc and add those - it soon fills up and you fell less panic - start a box or crap - sorry interesting art materials stick up on some glue and chalk - hide this for rainy days - more interesting if its special!! Down load fav cartoons for pm snuggle. Take control and the weeks will fly.

Do you have one of those farm type places near you with a few animals and then indoor soft play and outdoor play equipment? We have a few (fishers farm in sussex an example) and when dd was this age o bought a yearly pass and literally went there every.single.morning. Godsend

Also does your boy like buses? I live in a city so often would just take dd nowhere much on the bus! Takes ages, she loves it, jump off at a park or cafe, come home on the bus again...

I second the bus! DD was obsessed with buses and trains at one point. A trip on the bus or even a trip to the bus station or train station would absolutely delight her.