My 12 year old son is ill such a lot - low pain threshold, attention seeking, serious health problem, or just bad luck?

[tigermoth]

I would really appriciate people's views on this, because it is worrying me a lot.

My 12 year old son has always been prone to illnesses. When he is not ill, he is quite sporty and active - a very keen cricket player and loves to play football in school lunchtimes.

Since a baby he has suffered from ear infections. He has has grommets since he was around 7 years old. Around 9 years old he started getting bad bouts of tonsilitus and sinus problems (all linked to his ear problems).

In year 6 at primary he had tonsilitus about 3 or 4 times having to miss school a lot, usually just before or during times of stress. He was ill for the school play, 11+ and SATS exams.

He had his tonsils and adenoids removed a year ago, but still has grommets. He still gets the odd bout of ear ache and has sinus problems, and these tend to come on when he is under stress ie recently he was singing in a play at his youth drama group and a few days before the performance he developed a bad sore throat, cold and sinus problems.

Right now he has mumps (even though he had his MMR jab) and has been off school for nearly 2 weeks.

As well as these diagnosed illnesses, he says he has lots of pain in his knee joints and this seems to be getting worse. The doctor thought it might be a sports injury caused by all the cricket he plays, but even when he is resting for weeks and the pain goes, an hour or so's walking will bring it back. ds says it is now too painful for him to play football in lunchtimes at school and believe me, he would not be saying this unless he was in real pain!
But then again, there is nothing visible about this so I am having to go on ds's word. After 5 or 6 visits to the doctor about ds's knees last year, I have asked if ds can see a consultant at the hospital and we have an appointment next week.

And then there's just the general aches and pains. All this term nearly every morning ds says he is unwell, that he feels sick - stomach ache, knees hurt etc. I am really conscious that he can't keep missing lessons especially now he is in seniour school so tend to be sceptical about these mystery illnesses, send ds off to school then feel guilty.

Ds says he is happy at school and is not being bullied and I have no reason to suspect anything. However since ds started the school 4 terms ago, I have had dozens of phone calls at work from ds on his mobile about being sick or from the staff in the school sick room where ds has gone. When I collect him, the pain often mysteriously disappears and ds will beg to go out to play football a few hours later. I have got much less responsive to calls from ds and I think the staff in the sick room tend to send ds back to class.

I do feel ds does have some genuine health problems - the knee problem especially is making me worried as I just don't know what it can be. If anyone has thoughts there, please tell me.

I also feel ds does cry wolf sometimes as he likes the attention, and has got used to being sick and off school. He is not very driven in lessons as it is, so has no desire to be top of the class. I don't know if I am being too hard hearted in making him go to school or whether I should turn more of a deaf ear to his cries on school mornings.

It just seems ds has so many health issues - more and more the older he gets. They are beginning to dominate his life. I keep worring how they will resolve themselves and what I can do to help.

thanks for those really good suggestions (are you freckle by the way?). The idea of taking the liquid out of the capsules is inspired and I will definitely give it a go. Will look into CO, but don't know if it would work on a 12 year old who has already had such a lot of treatment - I don't know anythingabout it tbh but thought it was more for babies.

Yes, Freckle here in festive disguise.

CO certainly works a treat on babies, but all mine have benefitted from it at one age or other, not always very young.

Not sure where you are but you can either contact the Osteopathic Centre for Children in London (0207 495 1231) or the Osteopathic Information Service (0118 951 2051). Not sure how current those numbers are, btw, as they're in a book of mine published in 1998.

tiger, I have just seen this and have nothing to add except good wishes for resolving your son's problems, but wanted to say that taking the 'insides' out of medication is not always a good idea. The gelatine of whatever the coating is, is there to 'time' the release of the dosage into the system to enable it to be effective - check with doc or chemist that it is all right to open it up before you do so. The same with crushed tablets - the stomach juices work on the tablets to enable a timed dose and my understanding is that it is not good to crush.

Hi, TM, sorry to hear your ds is still in such pain Personally, I would second the idea of cranial osteopathy, and I wonder if you could also pull out all the stops on the alternative medicine front, since conventional medicine has hit a brick wall. Apparently GPs have an acronym, TEETH, which stands for Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy.

We are still pursuing things with ds - he is to have an endoscopy soon - but in the meantime, I am doing as much as I can on the alternative front to boost his immune system and get him in the best of health otherwise. He seems to have benefited from Alexander Technique, which is a postural thing fairly closely related to Cranial Osteopathy. Ds has had postural probs due to constant hunching over a computer

Will definitely look into homeopathy. Thanks for the numbers freckle. We will be staying with my dh's mother from tomorrow and she knows quite a bit about homeopathy as she used it in conjunction with conventional nursing when she followed this profession. Cranail Osteopathy too.

Thanks for the warning about tampering with over the counter painkillers, tiktok. I will definitely get the advice of a pharmacist when I buy some.

Batters thanks for your message. I agree with you. I have always seen painkillers as a short term solution. I know the doctors keep saying that it is all part of my son's growing up and all this pain will ease in a while, but it is not much fun for him.

If I don't reply to any more messages it's because I am soon off on holiday - will check back in a week. Happy christmas to everyone on this thread!

Happy Christmas to you all too and hope ds has a pain-free one.

Tiger - sorry that you're no further on What about trying ibuprofen gel on ds's knees? Perhaps combined with oral paracetmol? Or nurofen meltlets.

Well, I was wrong about MIL. She does not recommend Osteopathy for a child. Mind you, she hasn't seen ds when he is in pain. Dh is not keen on the alternative route, either, so it looks like I will have to look into this alone. I think I can talk dh round though.

The easiest way to swallow a tablet is to put the tablet under the tongue and then have a big drink of water - a glass drunk down in several mouthfuls. It sounds mad but if you try it, it does work.
Paracetamol are available as soluble tablets (500mg) same as standard adult tablets, which may be easier for him.

Just to add that your gp might be right about the growing pains to a degree. DS2 was often waking in the night screaming about pain in his right leg. That was diagnosed as growing pains, but, as he was already being seen at the Osteopathic Clinic for another problem, I spoke to them about it. They sorted it in about 3 minutes flat.

Not quite sure why your MIL doesn't recommend osteopathy for children. It is so much more suited to children than conventional medicine because it is non-intrusive. Suggesting your ds take painkillers on a long-term basis is surely not a better option.

hi tigermoth

like everyone else I would keep pursuing the medical side

however, I had very similar symptoms to your son at the same age - in fact, my legs were X-rayed and examined several times at the hospital because the pain in my knees was really bad (I too did a lot of sport and enjoyed it). Turns out it probably was growing pains - the doctor also told me that they often saw it in children who did a lot of sport at a point where their limbs were really starting to stretch out.

Also, I CANNOT emphasise how important it is to have good, properly supportive sports shoes. We used to do all our running and PE in those flimsy plimsoll things that primary school children use and I think those are probably fine if you don't have problem feet (!) but I have high arches and run on the sides of my feet so wearing non-supportive shoes was apparently making it much worse. If you draw a blank on the medical side, I would consider asking to see a sports physio who would be able to look at your son's gait to see if the way he is walking is possibly making his knee pain any worse.

Re the general aches and pains, I have always regretted my parents' decision not to have my adenoids/tonsils taken out (they were very anti intervention) because I still get a lot of sinus/throat/ear problems today. I would keep pushing on the medical side but don't underestimate the effect of stress on physical health. I know he has told you he is fine but I am acutely aware that (esp at your son's age) I dealt with ANY stress (no matter how small) very badly and it tended to come out as a physical/health response rather than emotional. I had to teach myself ways of dealing with stress rather than internalising it and finding it had hit my immune system hard and I'd come down with yet another headache/sore throat/cold (was very rarely allowed off school though).

I did get glandular fever in the end (when I was about 15) but looking back, it's no surprise because I was SO run down all the time!

Also, has his hearing been checked (re the recurrent ear infections)?

Could I just add something else about osteopathy? It is really based on the body being in proper balance, so that all parts can work efficiently. As children grow, various parts of their body grow at different rates, which pushes the balance off kilter. DS2 was being treated last year for a neck problem. It turned out that it was because his legs were growing at a slightly different rate so that, at any one time, one leg (not always the same one) was slightly longer than the other. This pushed his pelvis out of alignment, which had a knock-on effect on his spine and thence to his neck.

Just being checked over by a qualified osteopath (one who has a lot of experience with children) can highlight all sorts of anomalies with a child's body and you may well find that pain in his knees is actually linked to some unsuspected problem elsewhere in his body.

Freckle, your messages are really persuading me that we must see an osteopath asap. As you say, it could be something very simple and as the doctors have been of little help it's the logical next step. At the very least, I cannot see what harm it can do. I was really surprised MIL was against this - she did not elaborate why, so difficult for me to agree to her when other people like you have said such compelling things.

I also have a nearby friend with knee problems who swears by her osteopath, having had a tough and painful time with hospital treatment.

JuA, thanks for the tip about tablets - will try it.

foxinsocks, thanks. Again this childhood link between knee pain and ENT problems comes up. I see it is not that uncommon.

DS does wear sports trainers as opposed to plimsoles, However he hasn't had a proper fitting for ages, as he has very wide feet. For years he has tended to wear shoes that seem a size too long in order to get the width he needs. He has always maintained that his shoes are comfortable this way, but I wonder if this is a cause of his knee problems? Seeing a sports physio is a good idea.

He has had his tonsils and adenoids removed and no longer gets tonsilitus, it is true, but still gets lots of sinus problems. He has grommets and his hearing is fine at the moment, but I am so hoping he manages to grow out of the need for grommets soon.

If you see an osteopath, ask about his ears. It was someone talking about how seeing an osteopath had obviated the need for her daughter to have grommets which first alerted me to the benefits of osteopathy.

how odd, i had tonsillitis severely several times each year all through my childhood and teenage years and was constantly sick with various bugs and nigling complaints but what jumps out at me is the knee pain..... i always though it was just a badly healed sprain or something and when i was working as a dancer i put it down to that..... never even occured to me that it was related to the bugs!

funny the things we find out on MN sometimes!

as for your son, i know that although i was often honestly sick, there were also times where i used that fact to get out of class when i didn't have my homework done or just hated the teacher. is it often the same class he goes to the sick room during? i have no doubt he really is sick alot, and probably even feels a bit off on alot of these occasions but i'd suspect he's also playing on it a bit to his advantage and it sounds like your dealing with it in exactly the right way.

good luck with the consultants and hopefully things will ease up a bit for your ds as he gets older... i still get lots of bugs and illnesses but they aren't as debilitating now as when i was younger and it's rare that i'm severly sick these days.

whoops, sorry. only read half the thread before posting.

sorry things didn't go better with the consultant for your ds.

taking tablets is a learned skill i'm afraid, i used hate trying to swallow them when i was younger as they lodged in my throat but you'll simplyy have to make him practic and persevere. try cutting the tabs in half to make them easier to swallow rather than crushing

batters, just saw your bumps!

quick update: The first day of term (early january) ds woke up telling me he had 'a really bad earache'. There was a discharge coming out of his ears, so we had to go to the doctor. Really bad timing!

I was cross as ds had told me about the ear ache once or twice a few days earlier, but only in passing, not saying he was in huge amounts of pain. I know it was unreasonable to be cross, but it was the first day of term!!

Anyway, took him to docs, told doc I was really worried ds had missed over 4 weeks of the autumn term and how can we prevent this happening this term? Doc gave ds a pep talk, telling him he is too old to be off school every time he has an ear ache. Told us we must get school's permission to take in calpol meltlets and (when necessary) antibiotics.

I sent ds to school, dosed up. He didn't like it much but survived. He seemed a bit worried about being back in the school routine. The same thing happenend the following week. Poor DS was sick at 10.00 pm on sunday evening - reaction to the antibiotics. Then slightly sick at 4.00 am. I told him he could stay off school, but only till 10.00 am. If he hadn't been sick again, he would have to go to school. (I was pretty sure he didn't have a stomach bug).

Ds went to school, again very unwillingly, but was ok.

Head of Year phoned me a few days later, concerned about ds's sick record from last term. I told her about the doctor's pep talk and my plan:

ds will always have calpol meltlets on him so if he is in pain, he will take those and only if the pain is still bad will he go to the sick room and be collected. Before school, if he wakes up feeling ill (with no symptoms that I can see), he can stay home but I will review the situation in a couple of hours. If he seems better he will go in to school late. Head of Year agreed with the tactics.

So far, ds has been at school for 3 solid weeks with no major sickness or pain, touch wood. He also seems to have got back into the swing of school at last. I am no longer getting desperate pleas about staying off.

As everything is on an even keel, I am seeing how things go. Cricket practice has began. So far, ds has not complained of massive pain in his knees. But if he does, I will investigate the osteopath route.

thanks batters, I have really tried to keep everyone in the picture. I had that awful feeling that as soon as I'd typed how pain free ds had been, something would happen. Sure enough he has badly hurting knees tonight. Lots of rest needed.

(hope his knees are better tomorrow as he's meant to be a flying monkey in the PTA panto!)