finding this hard

[MrsO501]

My DS is almost 6 weeks and he is wonderful! I am just finding things quite tough. I worry about him constantly and he is hardly sleeping at nights and I am not coping well with the lack of sleep.

I have moved him from breastfeeding to formula because he has a tonight tie and I got an infection in my boob which made me very unwell. He seems happy on the formula but he eats a lot and now I am worried he is eating too much!

My DP is very supportive but he works long hours and I am just looking for a bit of encouragement and hoping to hear that things will get easier?!

Oh Mrs - I can promise you that things get better!! You sound about like me when I was six weeks in. Everything is a worry and the lack of sleep just made it worse and worse. I also moved to mainly and then only formula around that point. I think as long as you don't go much over the guidelines on the box and don't push bubba to eat more than he wants to then whatever he eats is the right amount - even if he is eating too much, it won't do anything long-term (as in, you can always readjust another time). Growth spurts come every few weeks and make them eat more than seems possible but then they get bigger and it all evens itself out.

Have to say, I really didn't enjoy those first few weeks. Babies weren't as cute as I'd thought when they kept me so anxious and sleep deprived! But by about 11 weeks we were both much more settled and it just got better and better from there. He's four now and totally divine. Enough of the time anyway. For you, just keep up the great work and you'll make it through the next few weeks. Take all the help you can and enjoy the increasing smiles and soon the giggles as well. This too shall pass.

Congratulations on your new baby :) Things will get easier but it takes time. Apart from your dh do you have any other support? Someone to take him for an hour so you can havw a nap? Also Have you got a local childrens centre or baby groups you could go to? I found both really good to get me out of the house when I needed too. Hope you are recovering from your infection and feel better soon. You sound like me when I had dd1 Im a worrier too.

Sorry If my reply was garbled! I was feeding dd2. I also second what littlepoot said about feeding. Dd1 evened out. Sometimes had what I thought was a lot other times an oz and she's now a slender 3yr old so honestly don't worry!

It will get better. Sleep deprivation fucks with your mind. I always felt guilty with dd. Guilty that I stopped BF early, guilty I put her down to sleep in stead of on me, guilty that I didn't play with her enough ect...

Your just finding your feet and you will be fine.

Oh, love. Every little step makes it easier. When they sleep a little more consistently. When they start solids. When they crawl, walk, smile, laugh, talk, hold your hand. All of it.

Today I sent DS off to the kitchen to bring me a biscuit. That's been almost 3 years coming but it's a teeny tiny bit of payback for the baby years.

Trust me, you'll get there.

Mine is 7 weeks and at 5-6weeks started evening fussing and morning not-sleeping-more-than-an-hour. I'm in exactly the same boat as you and I suspect there are many more of us out there :)

You're not alone! I have a 9 week old DD and around week six I thought I was going mad, but then it started getting slightly easier after that. I bought The Wonder Weeks book and it's made me feel less frantic when she goes through a fussy/clingy stage. There's also a TWW phone app!

I second looking at the wonder weeks App and book, for me it's been spot on, makes you realise it's just a phase.

My baby is now 18 wks and I definitely found weeks 4-9 the hardest so far. By 10/11 wks it definitely got easier. (We're going thru another wonder week now but that's another story!)

Look after yourself.

Thank you all so much for being so lovely and supportive. It is even hard to admit that I am finding it tough.

I have my family but they are about 2 hours away so they can't really just pop round. My DP's family live near us and have offered to help but i have been wanting to do it myself so far, i think I need to start accepting their offers of help.

I think DS is having a rough time moving to the forumla as he seems to be struggling to poop and straining and going a bit red etc but then when he does go the poo is normal not hard like he might be constipated. Sorry that's another worry!

I know how you feel, OP. The first few weeks were really tough with difficulty feeding and no sleep, etc. I found 6-7 weeks to be a real turning point, though, as DS started smiling and seemed to become his own little person, whereas before he had just been something I had to keep alive , iykwim?? DS is 11 weeks now and is so much more fun, and I have relaxed a lot as well as he is now growing and developing well! So I'm sure things will start to look better in the next few weeks :)

Thanks Jennifer this is si good to hear! I just need to keep going i think.

Sometimes it helps to think of the first three months as the fourth trimester. It's such a huge transition for the baby (and you). Keep your expectations low, and you'll get the hang of it, I promise. As you say, just keep going, and you will be rewarded with some lovely moments very soon.

I look back and can't believe some of the bizarre things I thought and did during those months. In fact I can remember that time less and less now, which is clearly nature's way of ensuring everyone doesn't stop at one.

Its difficult too moving from the breast, a lot of guilt and emotional feelings come up. I moved to formula too, I had tried to feed for only a couple weeks. I was doing the pumping and crying, pumping and crying thing. And the baby was hardly sleeping and not putting on any weight. All the messages from everywhere were 'breast is best' 'feed through the pain' etc etc. Then a pharmacist friend, who runs a large hospital pharmacy, called over, and said 'look here, what kind of madness is this? Give him a bottle of formula for God's' sake and move on with your life. The formulas today are as close as doesn't matter to breastmilk, honestly its not like 20yrs ago! You are not damaging your child in any way shape or form'. I know what you mean about being worried about constipation. NOTE: if you are switching formula for any reason, do a slow transition over a couple of days, mixing the new into the old one till you are 'all' on the new one. If you do a complete change to new formula he might get constipation.
It gets better! Really you are nearly, nearly out of the woods. 6 weeks is a turning point. Hopefully you will see the sleep and feed and nap pattern get much more predictable. 12 weeks is an even bigger turning point as he'll be sleeping through a good chunk of the night by then.
The first 6 weeks are absolute hell. Hell, hell, hell on earth. It's pure shite let's face it. I thought my 2nd would be so much easier, but it was worse! She cried all day and all night not just all night. It was 'I love you and I longed for you and I'm so grateful for you, but boy you are a pain in the arse when you won't stop fooking crying no matter what I do!' Looking back I don't know how any of us do it. There's also such a disconnect between what you thought you'd feel and what you do actually feel and what you think you 'should' be feeling. But none of the advertising around baby stuff ever shows us the real side of it for obvious reasons!
I was so precious and had my head up my backside with my ideals about my first not having a soother. Boy did I learn fast on that one. Gave him a soother and he turned his little head over and fell fast asleep. Who knew?

Yep - what sadie said! The first few weeks are just a time to survive. The next six a bit better as baby starts to actually do anything other than look cute and cry a lot. With the straining to poo thing, I think that's just their tummies getting used to processing milk rather than being fed directly in the womb. Mine used to strain a lot at night, especially after his 2am/3am ish feed (ie just when I really needed to go back to sleep, not listen to the baby turned farm animal grunting, wriggling and straining in his sleep!). But he wasn't constipated either. They just don't work very well in those early weeks! There's absolutely nothing wrong with admitting its tough in the early weeks, and definitely do get some help if dps parents are offering. I always think we're not meant to deal with babies on our own - its only really the last couple of generations where we're much more isolated from family, village, community etc so trying to handle everything alone. Have a and some and be proud of how far you've come already.

Again thank you for the replies, reading them is a huge comfort. I feel a bit like it is wrong that I am struggling and like I should be getting on top of things by now, but it makes me feel so much better that other people have felt the same way ans ir is not just me!

Thank you for the info about the poop problem! I was planning to try and take him to the doctors this afternoon about it, do you think I should?

Honestly I don't think you should take him if the poo is normal and he's otherwise well (but I'm not a doctor).

As Littlepoot says, their digestive system is just getting into gear, and doing a poo is a huge deal for their little bodies. I still remember my younger son's intense 'poo face' expression as a tiny baby, but then he only used to manage one a week, so it really was a big deal for him

Thank you Finn, I will try and keep calm! Bless your DS.