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Parenting

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Original poster

Children Sitting on Train While Adults Stand

20 replies

Kiwikiss1 · 28/05/2015 10:51

Hello,

Just interested in other people's opinions on this topic. I was in London yesterday, and being half-term, there were plenty of children on the train and underground.

I am always a bit surprised at parents who allow their children to sit whilst adults (including elderly people) are left with no seat. When I was growing up I was never allowed to sit if an adult had to stand in order for me to do so and I plan to teach my children the same. Even today I will stand for an elderly person (man or woman), or a pregnant lady and I believe this comes from what was instilled in me as a child by my Mother.

Am I being old-fashioned?

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Malcojida · 28/05/2015 10:58

It doesn't bother me but people who can stand should give up seats for those less able to. In some cases this will include very young children as well as those mentioned in your OP.

That said I thought it was a bit cheeky on the tube recently when I gave up my seat for an older man and he told his grandson to sit down. Then two other people stood up for him and he got his grandaughters to sit down. Then he took the fourth person's seat

BoysiesBack · 28/05/2015 10:58

It depends.

If I was on public transport with my DCs, I'd ask DS2 (10) to stand for elderly/disabled/pregnant people.

DS1 I wouldn't as he's disabled, nor would I expect the two little ones to stand for an adult as they both young and wobbly, although one of them would be on my knee anyway.

I don't think its necessary for any of them to stand for a youngish, non-disabled, non-pregnant person if they were there first and I'd paid for their seat, they've just as much right to sit as anyone else.

CarriesBucketOfBlood · 28/05/2015 11:01

Lots of people will come and tell you that 'children are humans too' so why shouldn't they have the same right to sit in a seat as an adult. I agree with them half way.

It drives me crazy when a small child/ toddler could sit on a parent's lap and they have a whole seat to themselves. Even worse when you can see the child wants to sit on the adult's lap and are climbing off the seat constantly, but the adult doesn't want them on their lap. I wouldn't say anything though.

Anyone, adult or child. should get up for an elderly, disabled or pregnant person. Who gets up should be according to where you are sitting. Obviously the person who needs to sit down shouldn't have to walk to the back of the bus just because no one at the front wants to stand.

I do think parents should encourage their children to stand before adults, because it helps instill a sense of giving to those who need it. I wouldn't expect an 8 year old to get up for me just because I am older though.

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cornflakegirl · 28/05/2015 11:06

I took my boys to London recently, and made them sit on the Tube they weren't used to the motion and I didn't want them falling over. If there had been anyone who needed a seat, I'd have got the boys to stand, but not just for a random adult.

(Anyone wishing to judge would have been rather preoccupied with the hen party next to us, doing dares. Including the bride blowing a whistle and removing her bra. At 11am. Oh, the hilarity.)

Roseybee10 · 28/05/2015 11:11

Unless there was someone elderly or pregnant or disabled then I don't see why a healthy adult has any more right to sit down than a child.

ByTheWishingWell · 28/05/2015 11:14

I think that the people who need a seat most should have the available seats, whether they are pregnant, disabled, elderly, or very young children.

Beyond that, I would never expect a child to give up a seat for a healthy, able-bodied adult just because they are younger and therefore 'lesser' somehow. TBH, I would offer my seat to a child of about 8 or younger, assuming I don't need it (I sometimes have bad back pain and need to sit down).

AGirlCalledBoB · 28/05/2015 11:19

I wouldn't ask my young child to get up, because they are probably safer in a chair than standing up to be fair but a older child would be expected to get up for a elderly person, pregnant person, disabled etc. I was always taught to stand up when someone was in greater need of a seat and I will teach my son the same.

Whiskwarrior · 28/05/2015 11:20

Oh man. I don't drive so me and my kids bus it everywhere. DD is 13 and will always give up her seat to someone who needs it. DS1 is 10 and quite airheaded so I remind him and he gets up without a fuss. DS2 is almost 7 and in my opinion too small to stand safely on a moving bus. He's also too big to sit on my lap so he has a seat.

I've had it with the dirty looks from adults who think I should make DS2 give up his seat simply because he's a child. DD had a horrible accident on the bus when she was little and I'm not risking any more accidents because of old-fashioned 'children MUST give up their seat' nonsense.

Why can teens not get up? People in their 20s? 30s? Or are parents with their children just an easy target and less likely to argue?

S0mmer · 28/05/2015 11:21

if the children are small enough to pull on to my knee then I would offer my seat to a standing adult. I would stand up to let an elderly person sit down, of course.... but I wouldn't expect my 12 year old to stand up to let a young fit adult sit down!

Fivegomadindorset · 28/05/2015 11:27

We were in London on Tuesday, went on the underground from Hatton Cross to Embankment and back, DS age 6 managed to stand on the way in, walked a lot that day and on the way back stood for a bit but was starting to whinge, as soon as a seat came available I put him in it and by the next stop he was asleep. I made DD 9 stand, it was very crowded she has aspergers but she coped magnificently.

Oliversmumsarmy · 28/05/2015 11:32

Occassionly when I am on the train with dd it could be because she has been working so I would let her sit if there is a seat free, however I prefer to stand normally as I have a bad back and knees and it takes me so long to get up and straighten out I am likely to miss my stop

funnyossity · 28/05/2015 11:33

Whisk I agree with your age ranges on this. As toddlers they sat on my knee. Later (for my kids with no particular balance problems) they weren't very safe at age 6 or 7 when trains or buses were braking and I wanted them to have a seat. Now they are stronger than me and will stand for a person who may need it. (Anyone my age and over really!)

DancingDinosaur · 28/05/2015 11:33

I always put my young children in a seat and stand myself. Its safer for them. I would be reluctant to give up their seats for someone else who needed it if there were other older /healthy people using seats who were more able to stand, although I would if no one else was going to move.

SocksRock · 28/05/2015 11:40

I only really do long distance public transport journeys, (3+ hours). I book seats for all of my children, including paying for a seat for the one that is too young to legally need paying for. They will be sitting in their seats in those circumstances as I can't have a child on my lap for that long.

For shorter journeys, I tend to get mine to sit and I will stand. I can't hold onto three of them safely myself and at least the younger two can't stand safely. I do get them to share a seat and I can hang onto the older one though.

MokunMokun · 28/05/2015 11:41

Yes, I do think you are being old fashioned. Children should not have to stand for healthy adults. The other day I let my toddler have her own seat on a crowded train. Usually I put her on my knee but I was knackered and needed a break.

I remember many years ago my husband and I visited London when we were first married. A family got on the tube with two small kids so we got up and gave them our seats. They were kind of surprised but seemed very grateful. It just seemed they needed the seats more than us. We were young and fit. It's safer for kids to sit.

ItsRainingInBaltimore · 28/05/2015 11:45

It's a very outdated concept. Unless the seatless person is disabled, elderly or pregnant I think it's first come first served to be honest. Although when the kids were smallish if I was with DH and there were no other seats we would probably put the kids on a laps just out of courtesy.

CrispyFern · 28/05/2015 13:14

I remember when I was a child, healthy adults used to stand to let me sit down.

I'd stand up for a child to sit! They're smaller than me!

Superexcited · 28/05/2015 13:19

Do children travel free on the underground? If they do travel free and they are fit and able and old enough to stand independently then they should stand for most adults especially those who are elderly, infirm or pregnant. If they are little then they should be shifted onto a parents knee if it is possible.

In other regions where children pay to travel then I don't think they should automatically give up their seat for an adult, but they should if the adult is elderly, inform or pregnant but I would also expect fit and able adults to stand for those less able to stand than themselves.

Rouncey · 28/05/2015 13:26

My children aren't used to the motion of the tube as we live well outside London and I imagine at half-term there would be a lot of visitors.

One of my children has severe dyspraxia. He looks 'normal'. It's very much a hidden disability. He's completely useless standing on the tube or bus. He is always the first in our family to be given a seat. Fortunately if it's really busy there's nowhere to fall. I am also have a (very minor) disability (again invisible) and can sometimes really struggle to stand, and hold two children.

You can't tell who needs a seat most by looking at their age, or how they look!

phoenixrose314 · 28/05/2015 13:30

Lots of factors here.

Depends on the age and needs of the children - tube trains can be unpredictable and jerk around and a lot of children would fall all over the place as unprepared for this.

I would sit my child on my lap for an elderly or pregnant person... but otherwise they are more able to keep their balance than a child is. shrugs Am I wrong??

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