Dummies - am I being cruel?

[AnnaK]

I am breast feeding my ds who used to use me as a dummy and feed constantly and then bring it all back up, especially at night. I was advised by the health visitor to try a dummy. I hate them and so only give it to him at night. He only uses it to go to sleep and spits it out once asleep.
He has now developed colic (from about 5 weeks, now nearly 8 weeks). I really don't want to give him a dummy during the day and have so far managed to avoid it. BUT am I being cruel in not letting him have it when he is screaming the place down?
My hatred of dummies stems partly from the fact that my step daughter has one until she was 5 and consequently cannot speak properly (now 8) as no-one ever thought to take it out when she was learning to speak.

Hi! My ds is 4 weeks and we used a dummy from the word go really - only way for dh to settle him and it's been a life saver. I think it's best to do whatever suits you and in the early days do whatever you can to stay sane. He only has it now when we really need to settle him.

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Hi again, Anna!

I used a dummy with all three of mine, since they were all really sucky and needed to suck long after their hunger was satisfied. Rather than offer myself as a human dummy, I bought a real dummy.

BUT having been caught out with dd1 who did get hooked and started waking up at night for it, I made a point of not giving it to them at bedtime. They had it during the day, though, when they were unsettled. Once they learnt to suck their thumb/fingers, I gradually weaned them off it.

Hi Anna - I had exactly the same prob with my dd until a few weeks ago. She started to want to suck from about 6 weeks( I stopped b/f then - dont know if thats why).
I really didnt want to give a dummy, as at night ( and only at night for some strange reason) she could settle herself off to sleep no problem and I didnt want her to become dependant on it. But I used to feel sooo cruel by not giving it to her cos on the few times I did she'd settle immediately. Any how - its now out of my hands as shes found her thumb- I dont know which is worse. I ll never be able to take that away.

I think put into perspective it isnt really that bad if he has a dummy now - theres plenty of time to wean him off of it - as long as you promise yourself you do. Thats where a lot of people go wrong cos the older they are the harder it is to take away.

It must be horrible to hear him screaming. I would give him the dummy until the colic passes , then concentrate on weaning him off it. At least when hes better and youre taking it away from him you know hes crying cos he wants it back rather than crying from pain - like he is now. hth.

My view is if it helps you get through this difficult time, then use it and don't stress about it. There'll be a gazzillion of other things that you'll worry about and I'm sure you'll look back as your little one is tripping off to school (dummy-free!) and wonder what the fuss was about. You're sensible, you know it is simply a comforter, and you know not to let him sit with it in his mouth all day.

My dd is now 16 mths. She was a terrible daytime napper until eventually, at about 5 months I tried a dummy again (wouldn't keep it in her mouth when I'd tried before) and she fell instantly asleep. From that point onwards I had a baby who slept twice in the day and settled herself at night. She still has it if she wants it in bed but it's not essential (although her little comfort toy is a completely different matter!). She NEVER has it at any time when not in bed unless she's very upset and then as soon as she's OK again I ask for it back and that's that. I'm sure at some point she'll give it up altogether.

So long story short, in my opinion if it calms him down and calms you down, go for it.