Antisocial child, Help!!

[MrsCs]

Before anyone says 'stealth boast' this is NOT I am genuinely heartbroken watching my son on the side of every soft play, every group.

My son will be two in three weeks and has incredibly good speech and comprehension. He speaks in short sentences, describes things, knows loads of shapes (including ones like hexagon), counts, etc. Now don't get me wrong, I am blown away by this and love hearing him talk and having proper conversations with him.

Unfortunately it seems to have become a massive divider with other children. I've had him at playgroups consistently since six weeks old, to be fair even before speech he wasn't exactly friendly with other kids but it's got far worse. A few times he tried to talk to other kids and when they didn't understand/ couldn't answer he began completely avoiding them.

He seems genuinely frightened of other children and will not play unless I'll follow. I don't want to 'helicopter mum' but he will stand stubbornly next to me until I go with.

I know at his age he's not exactly going to be playing collaboratively but he runs from other children, hides and will flat out not even go near a part of a soft play with more than two children.

Older children, like my younger brother and sister (12 and 11) he will play hide and seek, draw with them, play with trains, dance with them and chat to them but when with his peers he finds a corner and hides :(

Mine was/is the same. He talks like a mini adult. He reads fluently age 3. He is also shy, doesn't make friends easily and plays by himself in the playground. For a while the advanced speech was an issue, but he is also a bit of a loner. He is also v rule bound and a very 'good' boy so finds children who are naturally boisterous quite difficult to handle. However he has been in childcare since 7 months and this has really helped. The CM makes him socialise widely but with the same set and now over time he is comfortable with a set of friends. And she looks after one other boy who is much more outgoing than him and he has helped him out of his shell (and he has calmed the other boy down) and they are best friends. I take him to lots of playgrounds but never force him to socialise but always say 'hello' to other kids etc to model behaviour. We do some limited role play at home. He has also gotten used to the set of friends kids' he sees regularly over time but we had to make sure we met up often to enable this. We also go to lots of shows, plays etc. He was particularly bad between 2-3 but is now a little more sociable. If it helps I was apparently painfully shy. This is not quite how you would describe me today. I still prefer my own company sometimes but I am far from shy.

Most two year old's are fairly chatty, aren't they? I don't think his speech is the "massive divider" you think it is, tbh. Even kids who speak different languages rarely find it a barrier to play.

Sanity when he is told off or can't get something he has an upset look, that's what he does when he sees children playing. Maybe I am misinterpreting his look.

I don't expect him to play with children as such, just not be afraid of them. A couple of times he has said hello or how are you and when they don't answer he looks upset and comes for a hug. I don't know how to explain that the children at playgroup aren't being unfriendly they just don't know how to answer yet.

He sounds just like my DD who is ten now. She was also incredibly articulate. She's absolutely fine now OP.

Wiggly - good idea, I never even thought of that

Kewrious - you have just described exactly what my son is like. Any boisterousness from other children takes him from avoidant to absolutely terrified.

Flogging - maybe it's where I live? I've not met a single two year old around here with more than ten words, it is an area of high numbers of speech therapy levels

My DS is like this and is a similar age, don't suppose you live in the Midlands do you??

A lot of the comments on here have reassured me I'm being a bit pfb lol. I don't mean to be, just clearly overthinking things! It's nice to hear he will likely grow out of it.

Also again not expecting collaborative play I just don't want him to be scared. I was painfully shy at school and remember it making life very difficult all the way through to adulthood (not anymore).

Our lo has delayed speech and also showed this fear of other children - he is much happier and more confident with younger children who match his language skills. So maybe for your lo as his peers catch up with his speech he will be more sociable.

No North East sadly, else I'd have loved a like minded playmate!

My dd was similar, except she was physically advanced. She wasn't speaking at 2, but her peers simply couldn't keep up with her, so she was off up trees by herself.

She is an introvert - please google the introverted child and learn about it before you label your child shy or antisocial. But she does now at junior school have several close friends and gets on with most.

All children are different. You need to let them find out how they fit and what's comfortable.

It could be my anxiety zzz. I found shyness a massive barrier for a long time. The amount of times I got criticised for not being outgoing enough in work situations, in work experience or just generally at school was depressing. It was like my natural personality was unacceptable to the world, which made my confidence shrivel more.

I was hoping my son could develop the confidence I have now earlier in life to avoid those constant comments.

zzzz I think all children are potentially great playmates, hence why I take my son to numerous groups/activities.

My eldest could speak in sentences at 18 months other toddlers confused her and she turned to adults for a while she was also shy well introverted but it was called shyness back then but by the time she was 3 she quietly slotted herself into nursery she was never a social butterfly but coped and found her place.

Thank you everyone for the advice and reassurance, feeling much better :)