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Parenting

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Original poster

Adult children

59 replies

TheBestMumintheWorld · 20/05/2015 11:52

I am just posting to ask others what they think about our situation.
What with housing being so expensive, I really do not think it is a good idea for my children to leave. so they are all still living with me, ages 25, 28, 30, 33,

In fact the dd30 has moved back in with her husband and two children as it is so hard for them to get a mortgage on teachers' salaries.

Some of my colleagues and neighbours think I am mad for doing this, but I don't see why they should leave, after all, I got them all through university and helped them get jobs, and they still need my help!

for example my 81 year old husband often gives the 33 year old a lift to work as he does not like getting the bus. I feel this is our duty as parents.
The oldest one wanted to give up his job and go and do a ski season but I feel that this kind of thing is a waste of time and he should stay here. After all he is using his degree in his job!

Also I still do their clothes washing as I could face the mess they might leave, still tidy their rooms, and my husband makes sure there is a dinner on the table for them every evening.

I think I am a great parent! Why do my neighbours and colleagues make such silly comments about our lifestyle?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LeChien · 20/05/2015 11:53

For real?

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 20/05/2015 12:02

Aarghh - I don't know where to start!

Of course, you want to help your children all you can, while you can ......... Within Reason!

If you are constantly there to scoop them up every time something goes wrong, you are not going to help them in the long run. They will become reliant on you, and then possibly not be able to manage when you and your husband are no longer around.

If your eldest wants to do a Ski Season - then let him! It is a great experience, and experiences such as this look good on a CV. Shows initiative.

Of course, you're a great parent - but I personally think you're overdoing it. Your children are all adults, they need to stand on their own two feet.

My own DD hated life at home, so moved out about a year ago (young adult). Apparently, this house was shit, she hated me. Now she has been renting for over a year, she's learned that life and budgeting is not a bed of roses, and it's made her a lot more appreciative of what a great life she did actually have at home (and we now get on brilliantly again). She's gone back to the thoughtful, gorgeous daughter she was. Before moving out she travelled for a few months on the other side of the world. That was a big awakening for her. I am actually trying to encourage her to do a Ski season - she'll be great, and will thoroughly enjoy it.

Sorry to say, but it sounds to me as though you are trying to control your offspring too much, and not allow them to live their lives, and learn from their own mistakes.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 20/05/2015 12:05

What do any of them do to help you and your husband? At 33, your son should have passed his driving test, OR he should be more than capable of catching a bus. The fact that your 81-yr old husband is ferrying him around is unbelievable. Also, that they all have dinner cooked for them every day. That is simply outrageous.

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Original poster

TheBestMumintheWorld · 20/05/2015 12:09

it is not their job to help us ! although of course they do pay a bit of rent. also we once borrowed some money off them to do some house maintenance.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheBestMumintheWorld · 20/05/2015 12:10

I just love having them around and do not see why they should leave.

OP posts:

TheFairyCaravan · 20/05/2015 12:13

Really? Honestly?

You most certainly are not the best mum in the world. You seem like a bit of a mug. I could never imagine making an 81 yo take someone to work because they don't like catching the bus. That manchild doesn't respect you or your DH, if he did he'd be on the bloody bus.

patterkiller · 20/05/2015 12:15

Are you The Queen?

UnspecialSnowflake · 20/05/2015 12:18

Is this a reverse?

DaysAreWhereWeLive · 20/05/2015 12:19

Nah, you don't.

FuckyNell · 20/05/2015 12:20

Reverse

BreeVDKamp · 20/05/2015 12:26

I am a bit amazed that this could possibly be true. I don't know, whatever works for you but if I was your child I would be quite embarrassed/ashamed to still be at home at that age.
Your husband is 2 years younger than my grandad, who is spending his time doing what he wants and not ferrying his adult kids around.
I am the same age as your youngest and have my life together, haven't lived at home since the age of 18, have a business, home, husband and baby due any day.
I don't mean to brag but this 'life for young people these days is so hard' attitude really pisses me off. All generations have had their hurdles, have they not?

LeChien · 20/05/2015 12:45

"Are you the Queen?" :o

I feel a bit sad for you. You're at the time in your life when you can now focus on you and your dh being together, doing things you want to do as a couple, but you're still waiting hand and foot on your adult children.
How does your dh feel about it?

On the basis of your OP, and assuming all your dc are NT, I'm not sure you've been amazing to them, as they are all still dependent on you.

Original poster

TheBestMumInTheWorld · 20/05/2015 14:24

what does my husband feel? I really could not say, he would never argue with me anyway. He knows that his place is with his children - well our own children anyway, not the older ones that are only his.

OP posts:

butterflyballs · 20/05/2015 14:27

This is a wind up. Thebestmumintheworld posting about how she has five adults and two small kids all living with her and her husband who are both elderly, doing all the washing, cleaning and running about?

Yeas, of course it's real!!!

School holidays start on Friday.

Original poster

TheBestMumInTheWorld · 20/05/2015 14:30

four adults and two babies, if you read properly.
I am glad it is the school hols soon, it will give me a break from my job as teacher.
100 per cent serious.

OP posts:

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 20/05/2015 14:37

My children are 23 and 25. I love them to the ends of the earth and back again, I love their company, I love the fact that they have grown into wonderful adults but I want cannot wait for them to leave home. I raised them to make their own way in the world, to live their own lives, not to live off the backs of their father and I. I cannot imagine wanting them to still be with me when they are married with children of their own.

Original poster

TheBestMumInTheWorld · 20/05/2015 14:40

five if you include the SIL but he is not around much.
We have an older son too who is 35 but he did move out to our rental property up the road, where we can give him a cheap rent.

OP posts:

BoysiesBack · 20/05/2015 14:56

This is surely a reverse?

If not, YABU and not a good parent as you aren't teaching your children how to be independent, responsible, functional adults.

wallypops · 20/05/2015 15:04

I would never have considered dating someone who still lived at home. Good chance they'll still be sponging off you until you move into the retirement home. Got to be a reverse this.

Original poster

TheBestMumInTheWorld · 21/05/2015 10:10

I must say I am so tired, with frequent headaches. The pile of ironing never gets smaller!
Still I do think it is a parents duty to provide for their children, and to make their children's lives as easy as possible. they are our own flesh and blood after all!
Still at least I can keep working til I am 70.!

OP posts:

Optimist1 · 21/05/2015 10:34

OP, if this isn't a reverse then I'm sorry to say that your Username is inappropriate - the best mums (and dads) equip their growing children with independence and the skills to cope with independent lives. You've patently neglected this area in their upbringing. Well you've made your bed (and presumably theirs!), so now you'll have to lie on it.

velocityofbeans · 21/05/2015 10:45

3 of my adult dc still live with us, but no way would I be running around after them like it seems you and your DH do. I think part of being a good parent is giving them the skills to live independently, so they all do chores around the house and pay rent, just like in the real world. They are also fully aware of how much everything costs, from bills to shopping and all points in between. As soon as they are ready/can afford to leave, I will help them all I can and give them my blessing, but I will be looking forward to having some time for us too.

WyrdByrd · 21/05/2015 10:53

If you're both happy and they're all happy (and why the hell wouldn't they be?) then good luck to you.

I suspect you're not doing them any favours in the long term though tbh.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 21/05/2015 10:55

Complete wind up.

NickiFury · 21/05/2015 10:56

So what?

?? here's a trophy.

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