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Original poster

When your second child comes along, is it easier, harder or both?

27 replies

amysoph · 30/04/2004 22:39

Just wondered what people think....My second dd is five weeks old, and throughout the pregnancy, I was really anxious, worried about how I would cope with two of them at home. (My dd1 is just 3 btw). But actually, to my surprise, I have found it all a lot easier than I imagined. I feel much calmer this time round, even though I have a lot more to do with two of them around, and I manage to get very little done some days. I've even vaguely entertained thoughts of having a third some day......I guess having a newborn 2nd time around is often easier because you know what you are doing, and are more relaxed. What are other people's experiences? (Sorry if these seems like a pointless thread, I am new to this lark, just spent an hour reading various interesting points of view, and wanted to put in my twopennyworth! And it's a Friday night, and I am in on my own, dh down the boozer with childless mates!)

OP posts:

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carla · 30/04/2004 22:44

Harder at first, then easier - not much help at all, really!

moodyzebra · 30/04/2004 22:50

Agree with Carla.

LadyMuck · 30/04/2004 22:51

Having 2 is definitely easier than being pg with 1. And the baby second time round seemed so much easier. It'll depend a bit on the age gap. I'm finding it trickier as the baby reaches 1, as now both of them want me to play with them - I'm not imaginative enough to do something with both of them yet! Goes in phases, sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's not....

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twogorgeousboys · 30/04/2004 23:04

Hi amysoph

I found the first few weeks a bit tough ds1 exactly 2 when ds2 born, seemed like a mountain of pooey nappies and unpredictable ds1 being violent to tiny baby brother. However, after about 4-6 weeks I chilled and went with the flow and realised it was ok and manageable and began to enjoy it and though oooh I'd like another (totally out of question as house too small as it is etc etc).

So, yes, I'd say it's been much better than I thought. The house is a bit of a tip, but my logic is when they've flown the nest I'll have plenty of time for housework.

maryz · 30/04/2004 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

charliecat · 30/04/2004 23:31

I found having 2 a doddle, as dd2 slept a lot dd1 sat beside me watching tv or reading as i was breastfeEding and she was helpful getting nappys etc. DD2 was a better baby than DD1 was anyway, not so much screaming and more sleeping.
Enjoy it while you can, things go in phases, you may one day look back at this thread and think OMG I thought it was easy! Welcome to mumsnet

carla · 30/04/2004 23:31

what's the age gap? The trickiest thing I found was that one would be spreading glue, the other would be putting it into her mouth. And all sorts of things like that ...

charliecat · 30/04/2004 23:36

My age gap was 3 years to the day. So dd was 4 when dd was 1, For gluing etc I would let dd1 sit at the kitchen table and I would let dd2 crayon. Or give her something to eat in her highchair so she could watch when she was little.

Nutcracker · 30/04/2004 23:39

I found having number two very very hard.
I wa shell shcoked for ages and just couldn't see how one more baby could make sooo much extra work. I did have pnd too though so that obviously made things worse.
My dd2 was 1 before i felt i could cope.
There was an age gap of 2yrs 1mth between dd1 and dd2, and i'd never have that small a age gap again.
Dd2 was 3 when i had ds and things were loads better, even though i had more probs in general at the time. Ds just seemed to slot effortlessly in to our lives.

alexsmum · 01/05/2004 00:34

I find ds 2 easier to look after than ds 1 as I am so much more confident and patient.And apart from the fact that he seems to have been poorly ever since he was born, he's an easy baby;generally placid,smiley,sleeps well etc.
However I find having two children, rather than one,loads harder!! I feel like one is being neglected all the time in favour of the other(varies which one)I'm knackered, the house just constantly looks like a bombsite as if one will settle and let me do jobs the other won't, my washing machine is on overdrive etc etc. Wouldn't be without them but def. no more kids in our house!!

zaphod · 01/05/2004 00:44

It was easier, because she did'nt cry for three hours every night for the first three and a half months. When she got older, my ds seemed to keep her amused, just watching him, and when she crawled, following him. My house has never been tidy, and never will be, it's amazing how the amount of washing increases with each child, though.

Mermaid2 · 01/05/2004 08:34

I have definately found it easier having second. Its not such a shock and I have been able to adapt better to the lack of sleep etc. I am very lucky that our DS is such a chilled out little boy though.

WideWebWitch · 01/05/2004 08:55

amysoph, I feel the same, the second is so much easier. But I've got a huge 6.5 year gap so that really does help. I'm enjoying my dd much more than I enjoyed my ds at her age(she's six months) as I'm more relaxed.

Wills · 01/05/2004 17:40

I'm the same as www. I was really worried about having two but have actually found it a breeze. The additional pleasure has been that I'm so chilled out about dd2 that I really enjoy her. I swear I spent the first 18 months of dd1's life being absolutely petrified of her. With dd2 it all seems sooo easy that I now can't remember what on earth I was so worried about the first time round. I must admit that I never stop but at least its living up to what I expected. Have to say that I'm very very happy and yet, am too considering a 3rd - this is not helped by my closest friend being pregnant with her second. She emailed me her first scan pictures yesterday and I was postively blasted away with wanting another - ridiculous considering dd2 is only 8 months!

podgegl20 · 01/05/2004 18:28

I've found it's gone in phases too. Hard at the beginning then a bit easier then harder again now as ds2 can walk. I tend to find that ds2 is into every thing and ds1 gets irritated by having his train set, cars etc moved. It doesn't help the fact that ds1 is pretty clingy and has needed alot of support at playgroup. However on the up side ds2 is much more adaptable in various situations as he's had to be! My gap is 2 years, i don't think i'd chose that again.
Then again when they're splashing madly and laughing loudly in the bath together it makes you realise how worth it it is!

Monkeysmum · 01/05/2004 20:38

I found it no problem at first as ds2 slept a lot, much harder once he started crawling, 2 to keep an eye on! I have 21 months between them, I wouldn't choose such a small gap again either, really hard when they were both crying/ having a tantrum at the same time but i'm glad we did it now, they play together all the time now and always have a playmate, wouldn't change it! If we have no.3 though will wait until there is about a 3 year gap.

Original poster

amysoph · 01/05/2004 21:43

Thanks I was interested to hear what people had to say.....the age gap between them is exactly 3 years, I think that helps a lot. And as Charliecat says, dd2 is a much easier baby, as regards sleeping - then again, that is prob because I was determined not to make the same mistakes I made last time, I really was clueless then! It also helps that dd1 has been an angel, really besotted with her new sister. Hope it lasts!!

OP posts:

Soulfly · 01/05/2004 21:51

my dd was 15 months when i had my second child. I thought because she was that much younger i would hopefully wouldn't get that much jelousy or regression. The only thing i found really hard was the lack of sleep when you got another child running around, that you couldn't sleep when the baby was sleeping. And getting out of the house, i don't drive, and i had a big tandum pushchair which i had to hump up and down staires at our local train station. But apart from that it was ok. And i am glad i had them close because they can't remember when they weren't there.

tallulah · 02/05/2004 12:34

In some ways it was easier- with DD I was still in my nightie at lunch time having not managed to get dressed! In other ways it was much harder. Things like paying for petrol- one child is no bother to take into the shop, but faced with the prospect of getting a new baby and a 19 month old out of car seats, into shop, then back again- no they got left in the car. Going out was a nightmare too. I'd get both ready then one would dirty a nappy- change them & the other one would do it. Then all the sling/pushchair or double buggy or pram/pram seat palaver...

My real bug bear was putting out washing.. leave them alone & DD tried to kill DS, take them outside & they get cold... wait for them to sleep...

Still went on to have another 2 with 5.5 years between 1 & 4. Funnily enough it got easier!!

dot1 · 04/05/2004 12:51

our ds1 is 2 and ds2 is 3 weeks - I think it's been less of a complete shock to the system - we had some idea of what to expect, so in that way it's been 'easier' - but it's still bloody hard work! I think the hardest thing has been trying to make sure ds1 doesn't feel left out or put out by the arrival of ds2. I'm finding I'm spending all my time feeding ds 2, so dp is looking after ds1, and I hate the division it brings to the family - although I keep telling myself it's only temporary, and now I'm up and about a bit more (I had a caesearean) we're going on family trips a couple of times a week which is lovely.

lucysmum · 04/05/2004 13:03

I found it much harder, down to entertaining DD1 at the same time as looking after DD2. Looking after DD2 on her own was a doddle. But it does get easier and I'm entertaining thoughts on number 3. I read a good book (Three socks, one something and no hairbrush ? - I'm sure somebody will know the proper name) about the move from one to two which was very realistic and prepared me for how hard it was.

bundle · 04/05/2004 13:09

amysoph, my age gap is almost the same as yours, and I've found it harder than having one, but not as hard as two times the first one, iyswim! now dd2 is one the physical stuff is harder - ie keeping her safe now she's walking and trying to climb things but they do play together and make each other laugh which would warm any heart! they go to nursery together (I work 3 days) and love seeing each other there. dh helps much more with eg night time wakings (he claims dd1 was never as bad, but I suggest it's because he was never awak ) so that makes a difference too.

stripey · 04/05/2004 13:15

I have 2 sons with a 23 mth gap and at first it was no problem as ds2 slept most of the day. I found the crawling stage hard but now they are 3y 7 m and 20mths it is much easier as they have each other for company and are playing a lot together now. They chase each other around the garden etc and I think they will have a great time in the summer. I remember ds1 at this age he would never want to play on his own and I always wished he had an older brother or sister to play with. Basically I think the practicalities (washing shopping etc) are much harder with 2 but other things are much easier. I can't wait till they can talk together.

lazyeye · 04/05/2004 13:17

Son 3 and son2 19months. DS1 was about 22 months when second born. I was dreading it as ds1 was a bit of a nightmare baby but although its hard........and yes 2 are harder than 1, its not as bad as you think. Like someone else said, not 2x1 as hard.....does that make sense?

Anyone, can't have been that bad as no 3 due in around 7 weeks.

kiwisbird · 04/05/2004 13:24

Because of the 9yr age gap between mine it felt easier, I had help and support from my partner with dd (18 mths) and financial stability, with ds (10 yrs) I had neither and it was very very hard on me.
Together they are great, ds is a helper, am planning no 3 asap so that will be more of a test!
More worried about the preg to be honest, was so ill with dd felt like I took 5 months off life being sick and tired, could hardly do that with an active toddler around!

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