Money for son - MIL says I'm in the wrong

[Bluedolphin1971]

Hi

When my son was born (he has just turned 18),we took out an endowment policy for him.
the policy has now matured, and we have received a cheque through from the endowment company. The amount we have received is more than we expected.

I haven't told my son about this money and we aren't telling him about it until he matures a little. The reason being is because he will squander it (he does this with any money he gets). he is leaving school after the summer, he has no college courses to go to and doesn't have a job. He hasn't even looked for college courses or a job and when asked what he plans to do, he just shrugs his shoulders and tell me to "chill out". So obviously we don't want him to spend this money on rubbish.

We have another child who is 11 and because the miney we have received is more than we thought we want to put half of it by for him (unfortunately we are not in a financial position to just give him the same amount when he turns 18).

Now my MIL knows we had this endowment for my oldest, she says he should be getting the money straight away as its his money to do with as he pleases and also we shouldn't be halving it with his brother.

My husband and I dint have any savings (we aren't in a position financially to save money) so we were going to open tax free savings accounts and when we feel oldest son is more mature give him the full amount from one account and when my youngest is mature enough give him the money from the other account.

Are we being unreasonable? My MIl is acting as if we are stealing the money and says she is going to tell my son we have this. I didn't want him to know because we will never hear the end of it.

Lock it away in a no-access savings account until he's 21.

Then. It doesn't matter what your interfering MIL says, he can't get at it....

Yeah you are right- you can't give loads of money to one child and none to the other- how unfair. Plus when he is older he will appreciate spending it on something sensible rather than squandering it. You are his parent. Tell her to butt out.

Tell your mil to mind her own business your child your business . .ds1 was in an accident when he was 2 money was invested in the courts meant to have it at 18 dh and I forgot to tell him about it got it at 21 even he admits would have blown it earlier .

My parents did the same for me, I wasted every single penny in a few months & I was fairly sensible. You are doing the right thing

Thank you everyone for your replies.

Just to clarify, the money was an endowment DH and I took out when DS was born and we have paid is every month. My sons name is on the endowment, so the cheque may come through in DS's name. If that happens then there is nothing we can do. my MIl knows about the endowment because she was there when we took it out, and she happened to mention about it at DS's'so birthday the other week.

the amount of money that will be received is £6500. That is a huge amount of money for my son to have and squander but he will squander it. he was given £1500 when my FIL passed away and it got spend on a PS4, games, going out with his friends. MIL knows he did this but she doesn't seem to bother. She has always treated my oldest differently, he is her first grandchild.

there is no way we will be able to give that amout of money to our youngest unless we take out a loan.

I will do what I plan to do and split the money and put it by is separate accounts for the both of them.

Tell your MIL to mind her own business.

You're doing the right thing and your MIL should keep her nose out. Given that your ds has form for blowing cash on crap it sounds very sensible to keep this from him for now and splitting it between your children seems fair. It would only have been an issue if your MIL had given you the money to pass on to her grandson but she didn't so it's none of her business.

I think it would probably come with your son's name on the cheque. I had a similar scheme for my DS and it had to be made out in his name and paid into his account. I was happy for him to do this but luckily he's a miser rather than a squanderer and 90% of it is still sitting in his account accumulating interest five years on.

It is your money to do whatever you want with, absolutely nothing to do with your MIL. In future don't discuss your finances with her.

Have you paid the same every month into an account for your other child?

Dh and I agreed to keep the money in our names in case the kids become bad uns!

If it does come as a cheque in his name, I think you would still be able to open a trustee account for him and pay it in there. Not entirely sure - why don't you discuss it with your own bank?

Definitely split and whack into isas or something. At 18 I would have pissed it up the wall, at 21 I would have gone on holiday and bought expensive make up! I would not mention it and keep it until 25 ish or when they saving for a deposit or something. They will never appreciate it more than then imo. none of mil's business

I am curious to see what happens with the cheque. I think you are right to split between them. I feel sorry for our second as no child trust fund cheque for her, we really need to start saving for them both.

if u do decide to split dont make it a 50/50 split as that would be more the favour of your youngest as he will get the benefit of the interest until he gets the money

plus if the cheque comes in the your oldests name i dont think theres much you can do about it unless he agreed

My neighbour's daughter received a similar windfall & spent it all on drink (at 18). She spent 8 weeks in a clinic at her parents' expense before she was 19. All very sad.

If you can I would lock it away so you can't touch it for a while.

My kids all have a chunk of money for when they're adults and when my daughter got to 18 she hounded and hounded to the point I could have quite happily have rammed it down her throat and yes she blew the lot.
I learned my lessons for the other 2.

Not a lot of 18 yr olds cope sensibly with a large chunk of change imo.

Can you extend the endowment policy? reinvest it for another 7 years, say?

Ignore your MIL, unless she gave the original amount to be saved it is nothing to do with her. She is being ridiculous to suggest it is stealing, you were the ones paying into it so it's your money which just happens to be in your son's name!

I would split the £6,500 between the two of your sons and reinvest it so it can't be got hold of for another few years or until they start saving for university or deposits or whatever. And I would sit them down, with DH, and tell them what had been done with the money, and why, before MIL gets a chance to start stirring. Also, if they don't know about it, you could tell a wee white lie and say it was always intended to be for all your children - it just got put in your elder son's name for convenience because he was the only child around when you did it

Can you pay the cheque into an account for both boys?