I am the Fun Crusher and my DS1 is the one left out - WWYD?

[Pancakeflipper]

DS1 is 10yrs old (just). He's got a happy circle of lovely friends. One close friend has recently moved to another country and he's missing him lots. So currently a little wobbly on friendships.

Yesterday he told me that 'John' one of his close mates, said that there's no point in asking my son over anymore.

The reason: Because I am a fun crusher. I won't let my DS1 play or watch games that have an 18 rating. John apparently has Grand Theft Auto, Call of Duty and some others that I don't know of. John loves computer games.

Therefore there's no point in my son going to play with John. It wasn't said with any malice- it's just that John wants to play these games with friends.

DS1 is sad. I feel sad for him. He's now feeling excluded.

DS doesn't have an Xbox or Playstation. He has younger siblings so stuck with an old wii and the Lego games!

I just don't want him to be playing or seeing these games especially not GTA.

Yet it hurts to know he's left out.

I get on very well with 'John's' parents - do I mention something to them or leave well alone?

Leave it alone. Your son can play other things with other friends, or make new ones. If he's very anxious over John, could you maybe organise a very fun outing and invite a few friends (including John) to join you? You may find John changes his mind pretty quickly.

You may also find that John, just like other people, just says stupid, hurtful things without thinking sometimes.

If all John really wants to do is play violent, suitable computer games, is he really a good friend for your son?

..unsuitable... obviously

You say in your OP that your DS has "a happy circle of lovely friends", so it sounds like he is not reliant on John for his social standing. I would encourage him to play with the other boys and not worry too much about John. It's a good lesson to learn that we can't be liked by everyone and we can't make someone like us.

However, if this starts to extend to others in the group and your DS1 is excluded by several of his friends, not just John, then it becomes more serious. Could you chat to the other mums who won't let their DC play these games? It's tricky because you don't want to cause division in the group, but you definitely want to avoid a situation where another mum feels the same as you but succumbs to peer pressure and lets her DS play them because she doesn't want him to be excluded. You could prevent that happening if you join forces at this stage - not by openly criticising John's parents, just by making it clear what your feelings are on this matter.

for you, OP. I would be feeling sad too in your situation

Btw my DS1 will be 10 later this year and I don't let him play those games.

Ds is 14, I let him play some 18 rated games but only once I have watched clips of them on you tube and after reading common sense reviews. I don't want him playing COD or GTA.

Thank you - that's helped get it back into perspective for me.

Barbarian - good idea to get 'John' round here more often. I was thinking of including him on some of our weekend activities (walks/camping etc) as his father told my DP he was concerned about 'John' dropping the physical activities he used to do. Think I will act on that now.

Tumble - interesting point about the other mothers. One of the boys who had a weekly meet-up with 'John' has recently stopped going (another boy now goes).

Ummmm adding 2 + 2 together and inventing an entire story in my head but the parents of the boy who has stopped going both have careers involved in safeguarding children and I know they won't like son viewing GTA or CD.

We aknow each other pretty well so might see if an opportunity comes up as the other year we had a "this Minecraft thing.. is it suitable for an 8 yr old?"

I honestly didn't think this issue would come up until they were in their early teens - not 10.

Tumbletumble has some good advice. Having played GTA myself in my youth, I wouldn't want my kid learning about banging prostitutes and killing people. 18 rated games are 18 rated for a reason. I would feel sad too if my son were to miss out, though he's only a toddler right now! This is a tough one, but I can't imagine myself wanting to give in and let him play those kind of violent games just so he can stay friends with a kid.