Did I drop newborn??

[PretzelPrincess]

I'm really panicking right now. I have a 3 week old and sleep deprivation is starting to kick in. I'm having flashbacks to last night where I picked the baby up from the floor next to the Moses basket.
I can't tell if this actually happened or if it was some sort of a dream.
If it did happen then how did he end up on the floor? Did I fall asleep while feeding him and drop him???
There have been a few other occasions where I think something's happened but it was just some form of dream. Nothing major-for example I've woken up thinking I need to put milk I've just expressed into the fridge but it turns out I haven't actually expressed yet.

A woman on here once said she was so sleep deprived she tried to breastfeed the duvet.

Proper LOL!

Other option might be that you placed baby on the floor to sort out the blankets in the Moses basket? That would be a safe thing to do.

I had anxiety dreams like this. I have anxiety.

Your comment about being unable to speak to dh because he will be angry is concerning. If his wife is either anxious and having nightmares OR so tired she fell asleep feeding ... The response should be concern and wanting to help NOT "so angry". That's awful.

Eltonjohns the "chain of actions" (as someone who had a perinatal mh nurse) is they ask "and how is mumeee" more often at the usual visits. Bad dream levels of anxiety aren't seen to be concerning as they make you miserable but aren't risky.

The HV would be concerned about the angry husband though. My DH is a lovable man boy, not terribly practical, but the being nice to me and unflappable were seen as key in all assessments.

Sounds like a dream when you are very sleep deprived!

Like other posters I too used to wake in a panic that I had dropped DS whilst feeding and he was buried under the duvet being suffocated. WHen he was safe in his moses basket next to the bed!

DH used to do the same thing.

Can you get out of bed and sit in a chair to do night feeds instead perhaps so less chance of you falling asleep? I used to have water and snacks (dried apricots were a fave of mine) next to my bed to give me a little boost of energy and then I'd read my phone/kindle during the feed to stay awake.

Thank you everyone for all the reassuring messages. The guilt of potentially dropping him has faded a little!
I think you guys are right, if I had dropped him he would have been crying, not swaddled and sleeping soundly. It's just a scary feeling not being able to remember clearly what happend. Made me worry that next time something a lot worse could happen and I wouldn't know
I will speak to the HV if I'm not feeling better but I think it is probably normal newborn anxiety.
I imagine the worst happening in normal situations like a pp mentioned (on phone so can't read back), DS falling or getting hurt.
DH wouldnt be anything but supportive and would try and help. I guess angry was a bad choice of word. I just didn't want to disappoint him I guess.

I had the panicked dreams looking for the baby under the duvet with dc1. Luckily someone had warned me about this. Top tip would be to set it up so you can fall asleep safely if need be, either co sleeping side by side or I used to prop myself sitting up on bed with baby supported on pillows across my knee, and I would just lean my head back and doze, without him being able to fall off. It was a sufficiently unusual position that I wasn't going to go into a deep sleep or roll over.

Strangely I never had the same panicky dreams with dc2, who either slept beside me in sidebar crib or properly co slept whilst feeding till I woke enough to put him back. Not sure whether that was because I was getting sufficient sleep or was something to do with the baby being so close. Possibly the panic is nature's reaction due to not being able to touch/smell the baby? One would have thought co sleeping would bring more panicked dreams about the baby being suffocated under the duvet not less.

Good luck op, it will get easier. I agree baby would have cried loudly if dropped.

If you can't even discuss with dh then that's a real problem.

I accidentally stepped on my newborn once - just her foot - when I was carrying a laundry basket. She cried for a few minutes wasn't injured and was fine. The guilt is overwhelming and I remember being highly sensitive to it during the newborn time. If the bottle wasn't ready and the baby cried for more than a minute - I hated myself. Go easy on yourself. If your partner is getting angry with you at this special time - you need to tell him you think he is out of order.

At that stage my sleep was confused too. So I'd forget where the baby was or think the head was at the feet end.

Can someone look after the baby for a couple of hours while you nap?

Yeh I would agree, at your stage I would feed baby and then let DH take her so that I could sleep away from them and get a few hours of deep sleep.

Found it hard leaving them and would panic that he would fall asleep on the couch with her but I got over that, did some deep breathing and got some kip. Everything feels better when you've had a bit of sleep. Works both ways too, he needs some sleep away from baby too. Only thing that kept us a little bit same. Remember you are physically recovering too.

This is how I ended up cosleeping with DC1. Too many episodes of nearly falling asleep while feeding him on a sofa/chair. I decided that it was safer to cosleep following the guidelines than to fall asleep with him on the sofa. Ended up on the floor on a futon mattress. With DC2 I bought a cosleeper crib. Much comfier for both of us!

This sort of thing used to happen to me I'd put the baby in the cot and wake up searching for him in the quilt. Once when my mother was babysitting ... It was being over tired in my case I'm sure it's the same thing just mention to hV just in case x

I co-slept and fed through the night with my second. Woke one morning to find her….gone. She had rolled off the bed, onto the floor and under the bed, all cushioned by the overhanging duvet. Still fast asleep when I found her. She was also tipped out of her Moses basket onto the floor by her brother when she was 5 days old. No lasting damage - she's at uni now...

I think this is very common so please don't worry -I also used to wake up thinking the baby was under the cover or lost in the bed when he 2as sleeping in his crib ...its an evolutionary reaction probably to make sure mum is hyper vigilant

Do take up any offers of sleeping in the day

Not wanting to share your feelings with your partner can be a sign of pnd ..A midwife told me that ..so perhaps you need to talk to him and say you are struggling g with the lack of sleep

Yep another weird baby dreamer here- With my first I used to do a lot of duvet- patting, hunting under pillows, thinking she was on the floor etc. They're the most vivid dreams I've ever had.

In the worst, I woke up and went into the sitting room in a panic, asking DH about 'the other two babies' as I couldn't find them(!). I think that was when he really got just how tired I'd become.

My aunt tells of how she woke my uncle in the night and handed him a pair of slippers, thinking they were the baby that she'd broken...

I've done this a lot - sat up saying 'where's my baby?' and scrabbling around frantically. I got as far as the landing once. DH's favourite was when I woke up upset saying 'it's hurt, it's hurt' because I'd moved in my sleep and kicked an imaginary baby hedgehog belonging to my daughter off the bed. I was tearing around looking for it. When I realised after several moments it was a dream I looked at DH who was pretty much choking with laughter. The scariest one for him was when we first got married and I woke up yelling 'where is she?' and was looking for a woman who had been sleeping in our bed as we had been protecting her....from what I do not know! He absolutely shat himself