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Parenting

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Original poster

How often do your DCs see their grandparents ??

30 replies

mumtosp · 03/05/2015 11:38

Hi,

DH and I have been living in the UK for almost 10 years now.... We have a 2.5 yo DS. My parents live in India and are currently here to spend some time with DS.... The last time they saw DS he was barely a year old and one of the reasons I wanted them to spend some time here was because I wanted them to bond with DS....

I love how close they have become in the past few weeks... And it makes me very sad to think that they will be gone soon and may not get to see DS for another year. I try and go to India every year, but that is just a short holiday and my parents will not get to spend a lot of time with DS when I'm in India....
So lately it's got me thinking if I should move back... Because it is important for DS to have that bond.... But both my parents and DH don't think it's practical to move countries just because I'm being emotional..... And frankly if you asked me, I am happy here.... My parents are the only reason I would ever consider going back.... I am very close to them...

When I see other kids around here spending weekends with GPs, I do get envious....

I am not even sure what I'm expecting as an answer to this post.... I guess I just wanted to share this and get an independent view.....

Sorry about the long post....

TIA :)

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snickers251 · 03/05/2015 11:40

My dp's see them about once a fortnight due to being over an hours drive away

My in laws see them a few times a year and they live ten minutes down the road it's the same with all their gc

mrsdavidbowie · 03/05/2015 11:42

Mine saw ex PILs about twice a year when small...they live about 100 miles away.
Now they are teens, never really.
I don't think its a big deal .

Different if you like the grandparents and want a relationship.

flanjabelle · 03/05/2015 11:44

My mum sees dd a couple of times a week as we get on well and want to spend time together. dd sees her paternal grandparents less often, once every few weeks as they make no effort to spend time with us, it is always me taking her to them rather than all doing something together.

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MaeMobley · 03/05/2015 11:44

My in-laws live in the U.S. So we see them only once or twice a year but we do Skype every Sunday. My DC are now 9 and 10; they both have a strong bond with their grandparents.

Eigg · 03/05/2015 11:47

My DPs have grandchildren which they see everyday and grandchildren who they see twice/three times a year as they live in a different country.

They love and are lived by both sets of grandchildren equally and have very close relationship with both.

The grandchildren in another country phone and Skype regularly. Pictures are also posted to flikr regularly (of the children of days out of their art work and videos of them
Dancing at sporting events and playing instruments.

I can see you miss your parents terribly but it is possible to build close relationships between your DC and DPs with a bit of effort and imagination on both sides.

Original poster

mumtosp · 03/05/2015 11:55

Thanks all for your replies :)

We do Skype once a week when my parents are in India and they also get a constant stream of photos and videos of DS....
I guess now that he has spent a good 6 weeks with them the bond will be closer once they go back....

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LovelyWeatherForDucks · 04/05/2015 08:42

Ahh.

My mum (retired) sees DS (also 2.5) once or twice a week (usually one nursery pick up and one social visit with me) and every couple of weeks with DF too as he still works FT. They live about 20 mins away. DS absolutely loves them!

DHs parents see him every 6 weeks or so, they live just over an hour away and have a very busy and important social / holiday life!

CoodleMoodle · 04/05/2015 08:50

My DM sees DD twice a week, usually. Then we go and stay with her every so often for a few nights. She lives 1hr away.

Inlaws every couple of weeks. They have other GC via SIL who they see a lot more. They live 45mins from us, a few hours from the others. My DM has to drive past their house to get to us!

Doesn't really bother me but I think it does DH as he feels our DNs are favoured. DD was terrified of PIL until recently but we've been seeing them a bit more so she's getting the hang of them.

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 04/05/2015 08:53

Until recently my parents saw her once a month or so, however we've just moved much closer so see her once or twice a week. DH's parents live abroad so every 4-5 months ish. She's only 17 months so they've seen her about 3 times in her life. I find that tough as they expect us to facilitate the relationship (go to visit them, skype them every couple of days) even though they chose to move abroad and made the decision about 6 weeks after we told them I was pregnant.

BlacknWhitePanda · 04/05/2015 08:53

Mil sees ds every week. Fil sees ds only a few times a year despite living very close.

My df sees ds once a monthish but he lives 3.5 hours away.
My dm once a year if that but she's 5 hours.

syrupwafer · 04/05/2015 17:47

Mine saw DS several times a week when he was primary school aged - they used to do the school pickup and also look after him one evening a week, and we'd often spend weekends doing things with them. It wasn't always that way, we lived 100 miles away when DS was born so we had to make tough decisions about what was important to us, and I decided that having a close relationship between DS and his grandparents was worth making the move for.

AliMonkey · 04/05/2015 17:53

They see my DM about once a month - although can go up to three months without seeing her and then eg see her twice in a month, depending on what we and she are busy with. They see MIL 4-6 times a year - she doesn't drive and doesn't have space for us to stay so much harder to arrange to see her - and DH hopeless at arranging things and I am quite happy not to make the effort too often!

trilbydoll · 04/05/2015 17:58

I think it's difficult when they're tiny, they don't really get Skype / Facetime etc. Now that your parents have been here 6w, your ds is prob the right age for it to make more sense when they go back.

My friend Skypes her inlaws every morning over breakfast on her days off, because it works with the time difference, would that be an option to do it more regularly?

AndThisIsTrue · 04/05/2015 18:02

Similar issue here. My parents are about 1.5hours away and DHs are 500miles away. I am really close to my family but I don't like where we live and would like to live further away but I feel guilty for taking DS away from my parents.
ATM he sees my parents once a month or so and DHs parents once or twice a year.

Bahh · 05/05/2015 02:07

My SD stays with her maternal grandmother every week at least once. My OH has almost no relationship with his parents so maybe once every 2 months or something they see her? They have other grandchildren through his brother and I believe they see each other fairly regularly, maybe once a month?

My grandparent situation was quite complicated, I had no paternal GPs but would see my maternal GPs probably once a month. They were (and still are) old and I just wasn't entertained by them, so got no real value from it. They're nice people though. My cousins lived closer and would see them every single day though.

I don't think it's that important to have, personally. Nice extra, but not necessary.

dontevenblink · 05/05/2015 03:06

We live abroad and so my mum comes out for 2 weeks once a year and we skype about every two weeks. When we lived in the UK she saw them every few months. My Dad doesn't have any contact with his family by choice, i dont think he knows he has 4 grandchildren...
DH's parents only saw our 2 dc about once a year when we lived in the UK, they have never visited and won't skype so now we have 4 dc they have 2 grandchildren they have never met. They are talking about maybe visiting at the end of the year though.

Sorry, that all sounds a bit depressing! I do feel sad that my DC don't have a close relationship with their DG like so many I see here, but it isn't down to the distance, just the way our parents are. It does mean that we are very independent and are therefore able to move around easily though. I was talking to a friend this morning who said she would love to travel like us, but because she has both sets of parents here who are very active in their dgc lives that she felt she couldn't and that it did make her a bit sad that she wouldn't because of this, so I suppose even if you were closer to your parents there is the chance you may feel restricted by it too.

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 05/05/2015 03:34

We live abroad but the key to a good relationship is more than just Skype. It's telling your newborn babies and toddlers stories about their Auntie and Uncle. And said Auntie or Uncle making the effort to turn up once in a while for a party. Its making stupid faces and reading stories over the net. It's, as they turn into Tweens, texting them with stupid jokes. Letting them know there are people a million miles away guarding their corner. It works for us.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/05/2015 03:49

My boys see their grandmother, who lives 15mins away, usually around once a week, unless she's away for any reason.

They see their grandfather, who lives in the UK, once a year for 3 weeks at a time - we stay in his house so see him virtually every day, but because we're out quite a lot, not for long periods of time. However, they do get to spend a few mornings or afternoons/evenings with him when we're not out visiting people. This last visit, they had such a good time with him, it was really painful leaving again :( but I don't really have the option to move back to the UK.

Skype helps an awful lot.

Nolim · 05/05/2015 05:11

I am an expat as well and being away from family comes with the territory. We try to go to our home country regularly but it is not always feasible due to cost. We skype every week, some times every day.

I would not consider moving back just to be near family, there is more to life than that and the reasons why i emmigrated are still valid.

sneakybollox · 05/05/2015 06:10

2 days a week for my dm as she looks after our youngest and does school runs those days too. If she didn't do that I would say were see her once a week (lives a bus ride away).

Pils see them around once every 6 weeks but it can go longer. I've kind of pushed this along, making sure it happens, the impetus rarely comes from them.

madwomanbackintheattic · 05/05/2015 06:19

They see dh's mum twice a year, dh's dad once a year, and my folks probably once every three years.

They all get along fabulously. One of the good things about living so far away is that visits are longer, and so they do get to know each other very well, even if they don't happen as frequently.

This summer the kids are flying on their own to spend a month with grandparents, for the first time. They are beyond excited (kids and grandparents lol).

Azquilith · 05/05/2015 06:19

My MIL lives with us :D. If I didn't take DS to see my DM every few months she would have last seen him in 2013.

elQuintoConyo · 05/05/2015 06:48

I am also abroad, in DH's country.

My DM comes over once a year for 10-14 days. My DF comes over three times a year or so for long weekends. They always stay with us.

DF is better at Skype than my DM. DM is one of those grannies that talks big to her friends about vusiting her lovely DG, but pays no attention to him once she's here. It is very false. Whereas DF is on the floor building trains, being a horse, making mud pies in the garden etc. He is better at Skype.

We see paternal dGF once or twice a week, along with various aunts/uncles (DH has a big family), and although my DFil is a little frail, they have a lovely bond. For DFil, DS is the 8th of 9 GC! 2 of those are abroad. The oldest 5, from the same son, he rarely sees. A lit depends on the parents, too.

I certainly woykdn'tmove backto the uK to be closer to my parents, mistly because Ds has more family where we are here: my parents are divorced and at opposite ends of the country. Plus i can never see myself moving back. Ever.

FromAtoZ · 05/05/2015 13:24

Everyday! They live next door!

It's like everybody loves raymond! If you have seen the show you will know what I mean.

Original poster

mumtosp · 06/05/2015 08:16

Thanks for your replies .

FromAtoZ I love that show ! But I wouldn't want to live that close to my parents !!

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