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Parenting

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Original poster

wanting a baby at ag2 42

21 replies

citygirl200 · 28/04/2015 09:55

Hi
i was wondering what do you think of a 6 year age gap between children?

I have a child in 2010 when i was 37 and this year I will be 43 in autumn. I am wanting another child, I am worried about conception (i had no issues in first conception) and then what will people think? if we do have another I will be 43 before baby is born?

will i be too old?

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tadpole39 · 28/04/2015 10:03

I had my Dd at 37 , then my ds at 42, I did however start trying at 40 and had 3 miscarriages before my lovely ds. I certainly don't feel old, nothing like a small boy to keep you on your toes!

BaronessEllaSaturday · 28/04/2015 10:07

I had my dd at 42 and a bigger age gap, I am not too old.

Original poster

citygirl200 · 28/04/2015 11:17

thanks for a the lovely messages, it makes me feel better.

just others satrted syaing i am too old and it made me feel bad and wanted to know if any one else could share their feelings/experiences with me?

I hope to start trying very soon and hope i do have a healthy baby as a result.

what do you think about the age gap?

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Tmrgl · 28/04/2015 12:09

There is a 7 year gap between my DSs. It works for them and us. They're both adults now.

fusspot66 · 28/04/2015 12:18

My last one came 3 weeks before my 44th birthday. I have a gap of almost 4 years, & they're great pals.

Original poster

citygirl200 · 28/04/2015 12:23

wow, thats good - fusspot 66! and thanks rest for your messages.

did you get any negative remarks from people at all?

I really want a baby and hope it all works out.

If you dont mind me asking did you have a normal delivery? as some say that after 40 doctors want you to a c section?

OP posts:

oneboy3girls · 28/04/2015 13:25

I had my 3rd at37 and my 4th at 43,almost44.She is a cherished angel.The other 3 are so happy to have her.

Seasidegirly · 28/04/2015 16:20

I've just had my only DS at 2 weeks before my 42nd birthday.

Indantherene · 28/04/2015 17:34

I had my last one 2 months before I turned 44, with a 15 year age gap to the next sibling. She was preceded by 2 miscarriages tho, which is something you need to bear in mind after 40.

The delivery was by CS but only because she was breech. Had she not been there was no suggestion that I couldn't deliver normally.

Meerka · 29/04/2015 00:36

Had first at 38 and 2nd at 43 or 44, right now I can't remember. Oops. It's 01:30 here!

On the plus side: our older son is beyond delighted with the baby. He absolutely adores him and he's amazing with him. I think he thinks the baby is his rather than ours :)

Because the older one was at school already it was easier to manage, we only have one to wrangle in the mornings.

There's no jealousy. We do have to keep the baby out of the older one's Lego but they're far enough apart that I don't think they will fight over the same things.

I grew up as an only child and it's lovely, really lovely, to see the two playing together - the older playing with the baby and the baby always crawling after him. I hope they are friends when they grow up.

Negatives: There is an energy drop (but then, my energy levels are poor anyway so maybe others would notice it less).

The risks of something going wrong chromosomally are higher, but I'm sure you know that. It's probably a good idea to plan how you would handle it if you got news of a problem.

I got asked if I was the baby's grandmother more than once and more than twice, too

The delivery was completely normal, well normal except for no pain relief due to rapid dilation . The dilation then stopped just short of the pushing stage, but that's another story and totally unrelated to my age.

Overall: so so so glad we had the second, though due to HG there won't be a third.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/04/2015 00:44

I had Ds1 at 40, not deliberately but because that was the way life worked out; we then tried for another baby but then had 3 MCs, didn't manage to get a "sticky" until I was 44, 45 when Ds2 was born.
An oh-so-fucking-rude doctor who had never met me before (new practice to me) said to me, 8 weeks after my 1st MC, that as I was 42 and already had a baby then I should really stop bothering and count my blessings. I'm still not sure how I stayed polite, really, probably out of shock! But I said I wasn't ready to give up yet, thanks - and lo, 3y later, DS2.

5y gap = fabulous - just had enough overlap before DS1 started school so he didn't feel completely ousted, and then lots of 1 to 1 time with DS2 so he got much the same as Ds1 did. Not our game plan but it worked out fine for us.

I still have broody feelings now but am realistically far too old to try again - we got lucky with Ds2, and I know that. And he's a lot more hard work than Ds1 ever was!

Ds1 is very good with Ds2, but does get beaten up a fair bit by him (personality thing - Ds2 loves Ds1 to bits but is a bit thuggish).

42 = not too old, IMO. But you might need more assistance; make sure your Vit D levels are good for one thing as I think that helped me get DS2 (low vit D is associated both with infertility and MC)

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/04/2015 00:48

Sorry missed the bit about delivery - both mine were VBs, no section, although the theatre was on standby for me for no. 2. Not because of my age, but because I had polyhydramnios and Ds2 was unstable transverse oblique lie - I was induced at 39w, he had to be turned (ECV), I had to have my waters broken (ARM), had the syntocin drip and if he hadn't turned successfully, or had got stuck, I would have been straight into theatre. As it turned out, he got a wee bit stuck, but when they turned me onto my back (something I'd been resisting!) he dropped free and shot out!

I was induced both times - Ds1 because he was 2w overdue, and Ds2 as above.

snapple · 29/04/2015 00:53

OP - I am 43 thinking of trying when I am 44 - which is a bit mad but I don't think i would mind what people think - but I would opt for a c section, my youngest in 2 and my oldest is 5. I am always tired but I have a pretty full on job -and no other family nearby - but I have really realised,that despite some ups and downs I love love love my life. My two cherubs adore each other and my older one would love another baby!

Have been ill - which is unusual for me - which is why I have been putting off a decision. The reason why I would opt for the c section is due to previous bad tears.

It is strange how strongly I feel like I could have one more baby - who knows if I could? I would want to be clear on the health side. Financially it may prove a bit hairy too and I feel I would need to be working and commit more to my career.

Ps Very very luckily for me I got pregnant
both times the first month both times that I tried to get pregnant. I don't tell many people that as I know so so many people that struggle with
Conception.

Rubbish morning sickness but I got through it and managed to stay working and others have it way worse.

Such lovely posts and congratulations seaside.

All the best op.

snapple · 29/04/2015 00:58

Thumb witches - what a rude doctor. When I mentioned to be my lovely GP that I was thinking about another child after my first - she just said - "well my only advice is for you and your husband to please get on with it and don't waste any time trying. You got pregnant ok first time but try not to delay now"

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/04/2015 01:03

Very sensible too :)
I refuse to see that rude doctor at the practice now - but my own GP, and the obgyns I saw, were lovely and absolutely not ageist in the same way at all - in fact the first obgyn I saw was happy to do my fertility testing (because I'd had 2MCs by then) and my egg load was high enough to be at PCOS levels, if I'd had any other symptoms (I didn't). I also had progesterone pessaries to support the early pregnancy - used those til 12 weeks - and had to start the clexane jabs as soon as I got a positive pg test (I have Factor V Leiden thrombophilia, so need Clexane in pg anyway) rather than waiting, like I did with Ds1.

Kleptronic · 29/04/2015 01:11

I'm trying now. At 43 and had a miscarriage in Nov, was 42 then. So glad to hear other people have had their babies! Am thinking strongly about IVF as that was my 2nd mc. Will keep on keeping on. Wish me luck.

RainyAfternoon · 29/04/2015 01:14

Hello - I had mine at 36, 38 and (just) 43. Age gap perfect as the other two are at school during the day. Slight chaos in the evenings.

No one has said a word about my age other than I was induced due to age as the placenta can deteriorate more quickly when you're older. however the hosp wasn't pushing it as baby looked like she was growing fine. I just went along with induction for my own peace of mind. Birth was by far the easiest out of the three. Pregnancy was no different. Have a bit less energy than before but impossible to say whether it's age as organising two school age children seems easily as hard work to me as looking after a toddler...

My midwife was convinced she'd see me again with no 4 when she signed me off! (She won't )

I absolutely love watching the older two playing with her. They adore her in a way that you don't get with a toddler and a baby. Yy to small bits of toys lying around though and after school we get a bit of a homework/tea/baby bath time clash which I still can't figure out how to organise.

Only negative was two miscarriages whilst trying, but I like to think of them as this little one waiting til it was right as for us the age gap is perfect.

Good luck.

Meerka · 29/04/2015 08:46

OP I forgot to say, it really doesn't matter a damn what other people think!

Original poster

citygirl200 · 29/04/2015 13:02

Hi all

thank you fr all you messages and sharing your experiences. I feel reassured now. I do think that I will start my vitamins and start trying. My first pregnancy at 37 was straight forward and normal birth. I hope i have number two as straight forward. I also hope no one judges me....... i think about having number 2 all the time...good luck to you all. Wish me luck x

OP posts:

Meerka · 29/04/2015 15:04

Very best of luck :)

jammiecat · 29/04/2015 15:16

I had my first at 37 and second two at 42. I was worried I wouldn't conceive but I fell pregnant on the first cycle. Having been tracking my cycles I knew I hadn't ovulated for a couple of months so didn't think it would happen but I released two eggs and had two babies! This is not uncommon over 40. I wouldn't change anything for the world and we adore our twins but it was a bit of a shock so just for you to be aware the odds do increase as you get older. I'm not trying to put you off though and wish you lots of luck.

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