permissive parents

[emmafromchester]

Hi everyone

When ever I do a parenting style test I end up being told I am a permissive parent and I guess I am very lenient with my eight yearly old daughter.

I wonder if there are other parents here that adopt a similar attitude with their children.

Pm if you wish.

Not from the press I promise

Yes true Sanity. I also confess that DC2 has had an easier ride of it sanctions wise. He has the benefit of our hindsight now we are doing it second time round and we know what the big and small stuff is a bit better....

My mother was what you would probably call a "permissive" parent. As a child and teen I found it extremely stressful. There were no boundaries in place at all really, but you would later find out you had crossed one! She would also tell me off in front of people and wildly over react to small offences because I had previously done something she didnt like but hadnt commented on at the time.

I think because of this, I try to have boundaries in place with my own dc so they always know where they stand. My DC are still very small (all under 6) so its difficult to know how this will change as they age. Im probably on the strict side of the spectrum but its difficult to tell really! I worry I am too strict sometimes. I dont say no for the sake of it only with (what I feel is) a good reason, and I always explain this to them so they understand why I've given that answer, though that doesnt mean they always agree!
There are certain things which I feel are expected standards of behaviour and they do get picked up on for doing and told off (speaking rudely to other people, hitting or being rough with each other etc).

Difficult to know isnt it really, we all have different expectations in different areas. Sometimes I feel my DH speaks more crossly to the dc than I'd like for minor misdemeanors, even when telling them off, I try not to shout or speak aggressively. I talk to them nicely which seems to work quite well, they definitely react better when I do that than when I get cross and grumpy!

Sanity you are not wrong there. Spot on!

Expecting me to be living in an opium den as soon as they hit their teens.

I also think that my big stuff is actually quite big, the things that I care about are quite abstract, and so might not be obvious to everybody. I don't mind.

I did not run!

Google parenting style test and you should find lots of them

Now you are back OP can I ask why you wanted to know, and what the PM/press thing was about?

Hmm... the description of a permissive parent sounds to me as negative as an autocratic one. Imo children feel safest when they have clear boundaries but know their opinions are valid and listened to. I just did an online test out of curiosity and scored low on the perfect parent sydrome (a good thing imo), very low autocratic, low to medium permissive and high 'active'. I guess this sounds about right and I do indeed have a very good relationship with my 4yo, based on mutual respect. His relationship with my dh is a little more tumultuous (mostly good though) and i suspect this stems from dh being more autocratic. All told though we try to parent as a team and we've each learned a lot from each other which I think is how it should be.

Incidentally I've just been disturbed from my work by a mum yelling/ screaming at her dd on a scooter "when i tell you to stop, you stop!!!" Fair enough but it went on and on with the poor girl (maybe 5 or 6) in floods of tears. Then as an after thought the mother said "Are you hurt?" in more of an i told you so voice than one of concern. The girl nodded, pointed to her knee and her mum just said "Right!" picked up the scooter and walked off without a moment of concern. Now, i have occasionally been that shouty parent and we all have off days. That may not have been her usual style at all. But i would like to think that if my child was sobbing and clearly in emotional and physical pain, i would tend to their pain first, whatever had gone on before it, and reserve the "I told you so" lecture, based on the consequences of what had happened, until later. It just struck me as a pertinent incident and an example of the opposite of permissive.

I read Mumsnet delete posts who they think are from the press.

As for PM, I thought someone who does not wish to post might want to PM.