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Parenting

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Original poster

The torture bucket... When did you turn your DC forward facing in the car?

87 replies

flipflopsonfifthavenue · 25/04/2015 18:52

I'm just curious what others did.
DS2 is almost 6mo and hates, hates HATES his car seat. I'm talking crying, screaming, coughing, choking, getting hot and sweaty and distressed. He's been like this since newborn except now he doesn't even cry himself to sleep anymore (do I have the only baby in the world who doesn't fall asleep on a long car journey? )
Anyway I've no idea what bothers him but I suspect that part of the problem is that he is so curious and nosey and he can't see or hear what's going on really. If you throw in being a bit hungry or tired and probably a bit uncomfortable - he's constantly straining his neck up to look around - then its total meltdown. I often end up in tears by the end of it too and we just avoid the car as much as possible. My family live in France and we're considering cancelling a visit in May as can't bear the thought of the drive.
I think that when he faces forward it will get better. Plus I'm hoping that he just grows out of it.....??!!
I'm conscious of course that the longer they are rear facing the safer it is, but it's also unsafe for me to be so distracted and stressed by a screaming baby.
When's the earliest you put your baby forward facing and what were the reasons?

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CharlesRyder · 25/04/2015 19:24

I feel your pain as DS was exactly like this in the car. I vividly remember having to pull over when he was very new because I was sure his carseat must have malfunctioned and was severing his spine or something (he was fine). I was dripping in sweat but the time I found somewhere to stop and just sat and sobbed as soon as I'd checked him over.

He was hysterical on any journey over 15mins, DH pranged the car in a car park because the frenzied panic from the back was just so distressing and distracting. We turned him the minute he hit 9kg and the problem miraculously disappeared. First journey forward facing elicited big grins and 'wheeee' noises. But the safety advice was quite different then.

rosy71 · 25/04/2015 19:30

I always had ds1 in the front seat, then I could talk to him whilst we were driving along. It must be boring just staring at the back of the seat.

Artandco · 25/04/2015 19:42

Their legs just bend to fit, but the seats also further back so a small gap. Like I said I moved eldest at 5, so not sure about older but he seemed pretty comfy ( we have driven London- Berlin several times like this)

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trilbydoll · 25/04/2015 19:50

We've got a mirror on the back head rest, I thought it was ridiculously overpriced (£17 from jojo) but DD loves looking in it, kicking it etc. It's stayed put a lot better than the cheap one did!

We have the cybex sirona as well and it does look more comfy than the infant carrier. Presumably you could also not recline it so he was a bit more upright and might be able to see more?

SirVixofVixHall · 25/04/2015 19:51

Yes I have the Two way.
Not a nightmare at all! Their legs seem to fit in fine...The seat sits further forward perhaps? And is very upright. My dds are light, dd1 taller than dd2, but it still did until she turned 7. Dd 2 has got an extra year out of hers as she is shorter. She will be forward facing soon I expect. We have a Volvo estate, if that helps anyone!

StoryOfMyLife · 25/04/2015 20:00

Re legs, I actually think it looks more comfy for them rear facing rather than having their legs hanging down in a forward seat.

My little girl crosses her legs or puts them up on the seat, similar to the way she sits around the house.

Nyborg · 25/04/2015 20:08

My DS was exactly like this and we had some grim, grim journeys when he was tiny and he's 15 months now. When he outgrew the BeSafe iZi go, we bought the Britax Dualfix (because it spins to face the door when you're stationary, which makes getting him in and out of the car much easier) - and it's safe from birth. It's got a much higher seat and so he can see far more - we were caught in traffic today and a 25 min journey took us 90 mins. He was happy (or at least tolerably content!) all the way.

Internationer · 25/04/2015 20:21

DS1 turned forwards at 3 1/2 because we had been on a long journey and our hire seat was forward facing so he was used to it, and we needed that seat for DS2. Otherwise he'd have been rear facing until at least 4. DS 2 is almost 2 and will be RF for at least a couple more years. We have a Maxi-Cosi Mobi.

For long journeys when they were small, I had a basket full of toys (age appropriate and safe to play with unsupervised). Each time they started fussing they got a toy passed over. When they dropped it/threw it away, I waited a bit, then handed over another. We could travel for an hour or two, before a break when I picked up all the stuff into my basket again. Things like a few baby links, Lamaze style soft toys with scrunchy bits etc, a plastic pot with a hinged lid they can open and close, small board book you don't care if they chew, rattle, another few baby links, two pots that fit one inside the other, etc.

Obviously that's not going to help if he's hysterical at the concept of being put into his seat.

I agree with other posters, a new, higher seat, may make a big difference. If you get a new seat, introduce it at home, in a happy environment with you sitting in front and playing with him. Sit him in it with no straps, play, laugh, stop. Another day, sit him in it and do up the straps, play, laugh, sing, do stuff you know makes him giggle. Stop soon and let him out. Do that a few times before you put him in it in the car.

The first few journeys you go on, rig it so they are short, and play with him as soon as you get him out.

Get a good mirror that he can see you in.

His distress is a safety risk, but turning him forwards too soon is also a big risk.

Good luck!

bronya · 25/04/2015 20:25

We have a big Swedish one for DS. He loves it and climbs in himself. It is high so he can see out of the side and rear windows. Besafe izi plus.

FrackingHell · 25/04/2015 20:27

Can anyone please offer advice about the best option if the car seat will need to move between two cars?

My parents will be looking after our baby one day per week from when she's 9 months, so I'm trying to find the best rear-facing option. They have two cars, so ideally I need a very flexible option which can be fitted in whichever car they're using that week. Is this possible? My laborious googling suggests perhaps not. Obviously I care lots about the safety aspect, but buying two seats is impossible, financially (buying one will be difficult enough!).

FixItUpChappie · 25/04/2015 20:35

my first was like this in the car - he grew out of it long before I switched his seat around at 21/2 (which I know think was probably a bit early).

We got him a mirror that played music which you could turn on and off by remote - that really helped. We also had a little basket of bits and bobs to chuck on his lap and distract him.

BertieBotts · 25/04/2015 20:40

People on MN are obsessed with rear facing. I would say yes of course plan to rear face for as long as possible, but if he's so distressed then you won't be able to drive safely and it's madness to distress him every time you're in the car just on the offchance that you're in a crash - for most crashes FF will be sufficient anyway.

Fracking in that situation I used one of the impact shield seats. There is more controversy over them now than there was 5 years ago when I bought one, but might be worth a look?

Anotheronesoon · 25/04/2015 20:43

Still rear face our 2.5 year old as soooooo much safer. Perhaps a mirror might help amuse him. 6 mo this is far too wee to forward face, please look at some of the rear facing research

BertieBotts · 25/04/2015 20:45

Just to clarify I would still not rush to FF at six months. But with a distressed child I wouldn't be waiting years either.

DavidTennantsBeard · 25/04/2015 20:49

He/she may may be ok if they can see you. So if you and dp are both in the car, consider sitting in the back. This was the case with DD age 6 months going on holiday, screamed the place down until I sat with her,

curlyclaz13 · 25/04/2015 20:56

Ds was the same at that age, it was awful but he grew out of it by about 10 months. He rear faces now at 22 months and is very happy in the car.

AvocadoLime · 25/04/2015 21:07

He might be happier in a more upright car seat which is still rear facing, so I would try that first because they really are a lot safer in a rear facing seat. When you move on you could get something like the 2way Pearl so that you have the option of either. The legal age for FF is earlier than it is in other European countries and the US, I'm not sure why but I'm glad there are changes planned.

This is quite a good (not gory or weepy) video explaining why to keep them RF for longer, if you haven't seen:

Almostapril · 25/04/2015 21:10

10 mths both times based on weight

nutellawithbananas · 25/04/2015 21:17

Frackinghell - I wanted something like your requirements but it wasn't cheap - its the Klippan Triofix. It has a separate base that can be attached either to Isofix or with a belt, then the main seat goes on and can either be rearfacing or forward facing. It features on the uk websites that specialise in ERF and had good reviews for being easy to fix yourself and recommended for tighter spaces and if moving often.
I find that if I do all the car seat moves then I get used to how it works and can do it quickly, but I haven't done it for a few months and had to do it last week and it took me bloomin ages...

nutellawithbananas · 25/04/2015 21:23

oh and sorry back to the OP - only recommendation I would have is can you put his seat in the front and other half in the back? Our DS loved this in one of the cars we used where the seat didn't fit in the back.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 25/04/2015 22:15

DD1 was earliest at just 1.

People on MN are obsessed with erf. Whilst I understand the benefits of erf it isn't the be all and end all. It is talked about like any other choice is shocking and irresponsible.

Hang in there OP.

TarkaTheOtter · 25/04/2015 22:23

I also have the britax first class plus and have used that to keep dd and now ds rear facing until 18m then turned them round.
I think the shape of baby carriers can make them uncomfortable before the outgrow the size/weight restrictions on the seat whereas convertible/extended rfing seats give them both more room and a straighter back.

tilder · 25/04/2015 22:32

Mn does seem to be the only place where rear facing to 5 years plus is the norm.

I do get that for certain types of crash, small children are vulnerable to particular injuries. Does anyone have stats on how often these injuries occur?

seaoflove · 25/04/2015 22:38

People on MN are obsessed with rear facing

Yep. It's the new thing to feel smug and superior over (see also: BLW, attachment parenting). I even saw a mummy blogger on Instagram with "extended rear facing" in her profile, like it was an integral part of her parenting identity.

FWIW, I think we turned DD's car seat at around a year old. She too was such a nightmare in the car, hysterical endless screaming, that we weren't able to use the car. At least when she was forward facing I could crane my arm back from the passenger seat and hold her hand

It's a calculated risk, basically. Intolerable screaming vs. a car seat that's a bit less safe. And we don't use the car much, so it didn't feel like such a big deal.

stargirl1701 · 25/04/2015 22:54

I think it also depends where you live. Our nearest main road is the A9. There is usually a serious crash at least once a week that shuts the road at some point. Vehicles are travelling at 60-80mph and HGVs are trialling a 50mph limit. We would be crazy not to erf.

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