sick of being a mam

[RavioliOnToast]

Today, I'm sick of being a mam. I feel like I want to throw in the towel.

I've had endless tantrums from DD1, DD2 will not stop screaming to be picked up.

I feel like a shit mam, I know I love my babies so much, but I have no 'get up and go' anymore. I don't want to play playdoh, I don't want to coo and smile cheerily. I want to sit in a room, by myself and cry. Deep down I know I'd do anything for them but I can't muster any form of strength to actively be a good mam, a fun mam who smiles and tickles them and sings songs.

I don't usually feel this down, it's gradually getting worse though, I don't know how to get out. Has anybody got any tips on how I can be the parent I want to be.

how old are they? will get much easier as they get older. Is DD2 very young? No wonder you feel low if so.

sounds like you are depressed! you need support, and time for yourself. Make sure you get some professional help and don't skimp on making time for yourself. Something else can give.

Hope you're getting the support you need from a partner and / or friends and family.
x

Dd1 is 3 just gone, DD2 is 11 weeks tomorrow. dh works full time so is out most of the day, both his parents are retired but they never call round, my mams a carer so is always at work or busy with my DSis (6).

I feel deflated, and defeated and completely good for nothing.

the most time I get to myself is when I walk to the local shop on my own,even in the bath I have an audience. in terms of the depression thing, I had pnd with DD1, I didn't feel like this with her it was more of that it felt like she wasn't my baby, there was a.feeling of detachment from her. I didn't realise this could be pnd aswell. It's increased gradually over the last few.weeks where I won't leave the house unless I absolutely have to.

I'm so sorry i have no advice. having a baby and toddler is so very tough nd overwhelming. It is very tiring to be 'on duty' 99.9% of the time and not even have a bath without company. I keep thinking 'its not forever' and plod on. Your not alone. It sounds like you need RL help very soon. All the best, I hope you find an answer.

I know exactly where your coming from I could quite happily walk out the door and not come back today.......... Thank god for wine

it absolutely sounds like PND. Get some support for it as soon as possible.

also remember your hormones are going mental post birth and the lack of sleep will be driving you insane (I can't imagine what a toddler in the mix will be doing to you).

I'm a lone parent and my ex is rarely about. Just done 6 days on my own with DS (2.5). Fortunately now he's of the age where it's a bit easier. But still not easy. I had bad PND with him that's only recently eased off and can totally relate to what you're saying about feeling detached. I had terrible anxiety as well and just cried all day every day; at times feeling really angry.

Can you tell your DH - could he get some time off to help out a bit? Say a day in the middle of the week? Or a couple of afternoons?

Make things as easy as poss on yourself. Also the getting out thing - although it's hard to find inspiration you will feel better for getting out. So do try! At least with kids in the buggy they are quiet and you can walk about, even if it's just to the local shop and back. (I know what it's like when you are tired though).

Also could you get some nursery hours for the older one (and possibly the younger one too?). You need a bit of time for yourself.

thanks for replying griselda, dd1 has just started nursery this has been her first week. I will make an appointment Monday, I'm so scared social services will get involved though. How can I be certain they won't take my babies? today has been the longest day of my life

that's a common fear but you're being overimaginative because of your impeded mindstate. All the MH services will do is support you and help you to feel better. They will be able to provide help where you need it through therapy, maybe group support, possibly medication, possibly some home help or something.

Honestly, get help now, don't even think that thought as it's not going to happen. The other option is sliding down even worse and you owe it to yourself and your kids to get the help you need and be back to your fabulous self!

I agree it sounds like depression. I'm surprised that your GP / health services aren't monitoring you more closely, seeing as you had it before. Please do get some professional help - it really can improve things. And as griselda said, don't be scared of social services, they would much rather support the mother than take the babies.

And try not to be too hard on yourself. I have DCs of a similar age to you and I can't believe anyone would not find it relentlessly draining.