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Original poster

Please, please help - DD (3) regressing with toilet training - at end of tether

19 replies

VoluptuaGoodshag · 05/11/2006 11:16

I really don't know what to do anymore. She was almost totally toilet trained during the day although still wore a nappy at night.

But now she will wee her pants at home almost every time now and she has started pooing in them and her nappy too.

She has started Playgroup/Nursery and doesn't have any accidents at all there and comes home boasting that she goes all by herself. But as soon as she is at home she completely regresses. I've tried ignoring it and OTT praising when she does get it right, I've tried getting cross and shouting, I've tried extra special attention, especially when her little brother is napping and do one-on -one stuff then, I've tried consequence that she can't get a star/sweetie if she doesn't do it but to no avail.

She always says sorry but just does it again. This morning I was cleaning up one lot when she went and wee-ed on another part of the floor.

Please, please, please help I'm at a loss as to what else to do

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colditz · 05/11/2006 11:21

I would say, keep going and going and going.

How long has she been wetting for? Could she be coming down with a bug?

Is her younger brother a tiny baby?

I am having the same problem with ds1, he has gone from being totally dry day and night to saturating pullups at night and 2 - 3 accidents a day. He's been doing it for a couple of months.

flack · 05/11/2006 11:55

I think it's a testing thing, she's just a bit bored and doens't want to have to concentrate any more. Will she go every hour or so if you take her? That might cut down on accidents.

Original poster

VoluptuaGoodshag · 05/11/2006 12:11

There are 16.5 months between them, so DS is now starting to assert himself a bit more. She's been doing this for about 2 months now so not a bug. She knows perfectly well that she should be doing it and does it at Playgroup/Nursery so I'm sure it's attention seeking of sorts but I am giving the max amount of attention as is possible. Have tried the taking her every hour approach but she throws a hissy fit and screams the place down. As I type this, she has actually gone to the toilet to pite me - sigh!

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ballbaby · 05/11/2006 12:27

It's one of those things they do to drive you up the wall! Ds1 (nearly 4) went through this phase a couple of months ago - glad to say he seems to have grown out of it now - although now I am potty training ds2, ds1 wants to use the potty because ds2 gets praised for it!

I did all sorts - same as you describe - also talking to him like an adult to say that it is silly and creates more work for mummy and makes mummy annoyed and i would appreciate it if he didn't do it. This seemed to work eventually - or it might just have taken time to grow out of it.

Original poster

VoluptuaGoodshag · 06/11/2006 14:12

Bump for the midweek crowd

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GoingQuietlyMad · 06/11/2006 14:15

dd1 is doing just the same, and i think floating on the med has the same prob on another thread like this.

i have put dd1 back in nappies because I got sick of cleaning up after it all. dh goes ballistic when she does it so nappies were my only option.

I'm sure it will work itself out in the end, so am just trying to chill.

i have her favourite slippers in the cupboard as an incentive for when she wants to give it another go.

Original poster

VoluptuaGoodshag · 06/11/2006 14:27

I'm trying the bribery by sweetie method - working so far today but shall be extra careful with teeth brushing tonight

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GoingQuietlyMad · 06/11/2006 14:29

I tried that too white choc buttons.

It did seem to work sometimes but in the end I got sick of the cleaning up.

She is at preschool now, and I said did she want to wear pants instead a nappy in case the other children. I am just trying to make minimum fuss but DH wants to read the riot act over it. This is why I went back to nappies. he thinks i am too soft.

PetitFilou1 · 07/11/2006 11:50

Ok I know how you are feeling as I've just come out of this stage (fingers crossed) with ds who is 2.9. What worked was going back to taking him every 2 1/2 or 3 hours and making him change his own pants and/or trousers when he had an accident (obviously after cleaning him up first). He HATES doing that and will throw a wobbler but I just leave him in the bathroom until he's done it even if that is 10 or 15 minutes. He sometimes gets his pants on back to front or whatever and I have to do it again but the message is it is a PITA for you if you have an accident and you will get left on your own for a bit! Was suggested by our HV and it has definitely had an effect. She also suggested sticker charts and bribes but neither worked as he knew what they were about and wasn't bothered half the time. We have also done the usual not bothered if he has an accident and pleased if he has but not OTT. I am still taking him now and again if he hasn't been for a few hours but he has now started taking himself again and/or telling me he needs to go and having a poo/wee in the toilet or potty every morning. Tbh it didn't take as long as I thought. I also started giving him more positive attention generally and making a real effort to play with him on his own now and again. Good luck, know how you feel as this was really driving me round the twist when it was happening.

Original poster

VoluptuaGoodshag · 07/11/2006 12:59

Well she only had one accident yesterday, late afternoon, on the stairs - so it's better than 4 a day

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popmum · 07/11/2006 13:19

mine was like this, same age too and we allowed her only to drink water or milk. Of course i don't know if it worked or if she;d have been ok anyway, but we've (fingers crossed) cracked it I think. Took at least 2 weeks though saw some improvement after 1 weeek.

poppynic · 07/11/2006 13:30

If she has just started nursery, she is probably using all her energy, concentration and best behaviour to cope with that. I would just tell her it must be making her tired at nursery, put her in pull-ups (to stop you having to clear up messes) and make absolutely no comment when she wets or poohs in them. When there is no reaction and no stress over it she will probably start taking herself to the toilet again.

This may be off-track but when my 4 year old was regressing over night-time weeing (after a huge upheaval in his life) my mother told me that when she was have incontinence troubles she went to a course at the hospital and had to buy those pad things - as soon as she had one on the problem stopped - we gave 4 year old the choice of a nappy one night - he said it was too small and there was an immediate improvement.

bertie1 · 09/11/2006 11:36

My son is now 3 and we have tried toilet training for a while now, with limited success. He goes to the toilet, but asks for the door to be closed and then proceeds to poop and wee all over the toilet floor. In fact I think that there is not 1 room that has not fallen victim to his toilet habits. He still wears pull ups at playschool as I can not trust that he will ask to go to the toilet. HV has suggested chart and bribes, but he ignores it and we have not had any successes to praise since starting it on Monday this week. Help.

poppynic · 09/11/2006 15:05

Try not to turn it into a major drama / power struggle but, I would supervise him at toilet every time possible and not let him have the door closed until he can show you that he can use the toilet properly consistently. When you are satisfied he can, let him close the door again but first slip up it's back to supervision. I think at 3 he's old enough to understand the consequences of his behaviour. (i.e. supervision vs. no supervision). Good luck - it sounds awful.

bertie1 · 09/11/2006 17:25

Poppynic

Thanks. I will try and stop him from closing the door. I have given up today as it has been awful and he is back in pull ups. It is a battle of wills and he is certainly winning at the moment. Why is everything such a battle with boys?

Sugarfree · 09/11/2006 17:30

I've just come out of the other side of this exact problem,even down to the being fine at playgroup and out and about.I'm afraid the tv 'stopped' working and I went back to stickers.It was just perseverance in the end.I did have the occasional shouty episode too,if that makes you feel any better.

Rosieglow · 09/11/2006 22:10

Hi, my ds is another potty training nightmare. He's 4 in a few weeks and he still does all his poos in his pants. But he's been telling me since we started (an embarassingly long ago) that he would start doing poos in the toilet when he is 4 so I'm just praying that he actually means it!

Wees are a bit hit and miss. Some dry days if I get him to the toilet enough times but he rarely says he's needs to go for himself. Shouldn't a 4yo be able to do that?

Actually today was the first time for ages that he said he need to go for himself and I think it was becuase he had some friends around to play and they took themselves.

Voluptua - Perhaps that's why she's better at nursery - because she's copying the other children? COuld you get some friends round that she could copy at home?

Bertie1 - Sometimes I find the only way I can get my ds to go for a wee is to go myself and say I can do it quicker than him. He counts for me & then I count for him - of course, he always has to win. Perhaps you could try that? If there's going to be any winning involved then my ds has to be in there!

poppynic · 10/11/2006 11:02

Bertie1 - I know what you mean about a battle with boys. I'm sure it's their testerone. My dp knows much better than I how to push the right buttons with ds (stuff like the competition for how fast etc.). Maybe your boy's dad can suggest some motivational tools for his son? One easy thing to try is the pingpong ball in the bowl to aim at - a good "boy" game....

bertie1 · 10/11/2006 16:34

Dear All

Thanks for your advice. This morning, my son actually went to the potty and did the lot. I gave him great praise and a star on his chart. However as I had to go out I had to put him in pull ups, as I could not risk a puddle in the bank!. I worry that he does not say when he wants to go, as when we are out and about how am I going to get a fair chance to get him to the loo, if he does not give me fair warning? All part of the fun I suppose.

On another topic completely, does anyone know about the infant school intake process. I am told that from 2007 schools will only have 1 intake in the summer, so as my son's birthday is in November, I presume that means we have to wait until the next summer. The sooner he goes the better as far as I am concerned!

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