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Parenting

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Original poster

Totally losing it today...

12 replies

Bangonthedoor · 23/04/2015 15:51

Im sure (secretly hoping) this has been written a million times before...

Today has been such a bloody hard day. DD1 is 3 in a couple of weeks and DD2 is just 10 weeks old. DD1 is so emotional and clingy at the moment whether this is still something to do with her baby sister or not I don't know. I obviously can't always be with her, even if DD2 is quite happy otherwise no one would get their dinner etc.

This is what happened today...please don't judge DD1 was asking for a cuddle more like nagging actually but I was trying to settle the baby to sleep - so I could spend some quality time with DD1. I explained this to her but she just carried on winging and asking for me to carry her, in the end she screamed which startled the baby. This led to me shouting at DD1 telling her it's her fault why I can't spend time with her because she's the one that woke the baby. Que tears. I'm not proud at all, I know this isn't going to help with her emotional state. Anyway things calmed down , baby was happy in her bouncy chair so me and DD1 had some nice cuddles and playing on the floor. Just a few minutes in she stamped on my chest which did hurt but shocked me more than anything. I really shouted which led to more tears, I told her to leave me alone so I could have some time out. Of course she followed me. I could feel myself losing control so I needed some breathing space. We normally have quite a structured discipline routine but I just lost sight of that and lost control of my temper. Of course now I feel really guilty and not sure how I'm supposed to be coping right now? Everyone says how strong I am and a good mum etc but they see none of this crap.

I suppose I'm looking for reassurance and/or tips for managing on a day to day basis? Sometimes I feel like super mum then it all comes crashing down.

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RachieS1986 · 23/04/2015 16:02

no advice but just want you to know you're not alone. my 2 ds are roughly the same age as your 2 dd. iv had days like you described.

Nishky · 23/04/2015 16:09

I had a similar age gap and remember days just like that-my dd ( the eldest) was very demanding and I shouted too-she is 13 and does not remember now.

What helped me was introducing a formal bed time story time, three stories of her choice. This happened whatever else was going on. If dh was out and do started to cry he had to wait ( he doesn't seem particularly scarred either)

Dd seemed to like that and knew it was happening every day and gradually it eased,

You are at the very hardest stage, it gets better, don't beat yourself up about what happened- each day is a new day.

Can you rope in relatives to look after baby to give more time with her-when ds was a bit older, our cleaner used to time her visits to coincide with dd's trampoline session so we had a whole hour together then.

Look after yourself as much as possible.

Nishky · 23/04/2015 16:10

Sorry should say ' if DS started to cry'

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Guin1 · 24/04/2015 15:30

My DCs are similar in age to yours - DS will be 3 in July and DD is 10 weeks. DS is coping fairly well with being ousted from his 'only child throne', but has started to demand more attention and be deliberately disobedient.

Some things we do to help reassure him how important/special he is:

encourage DS to 'help' looking after DD e.g. passing Mummy a nappy, washing DD's legs in the bath, gently bouncing her bouncer, etc.
emphasise throughout the day things that DS can do, but DD can't until she 'is big' e.g. using a potty, eating banana, playing trains, etc.
if both are crying at the same time (and neither is in danger), I will usually go to DS first.

You have my sympathies - it's not an easy situation for any family members, so don't be too hard on yourself. I have also told my son sometimes that it is his fault I couldn't spend time with him. But I don't shout, I just try to explain calmly so he starts to understand (hopefully!)

ButterflyOfFreedom · 24/04/2015 16:08

Just marking my place really as I'm in a similar position - DS is 2.6 & DD is 6 months.
Some days are great - when DS cooperates, is in a 'good' mood, does what he's told etc. ; others are an absolute nightmare & I turn into 'shouty mum'!!
I end up feeling so guilty sometimes after yelling at DS, wrestling with him to get his shoes on, or leaving him in his room on his own for a bit (for both of us to calm down!). He can be very frustrating but he is only 2, bless him.

No advice, sorry - am hoping someone comes along with some more soon!

mrsmeerkat · 24/04/2015 16:15

Oh don't feel too bad. I have very bad days. Mine are a year and a half and four months and I actually think it's easier because the toddler isn't able to talk (20 words) yet. So I feel for you.

But I have learnt from bad days. I text dh at work and plan something for myself the odd evening. Can you do that?

Original poster

Bangonthedoor · 24/04/2015 20:15

Thank you everyone for your replies. Only just managed to get online!

It's nice to know I'm not the only one - in the nicest way possible

Things have been better today, yesterday was just awful and a complete write off, the baby must have known I was about to break as she slept through for me!

I'm very lucky that me and my sister are very close and my god she's so helpful. I don't even have to ask. We've spoken about her looking after the younger one soon so I can have some quality time with my big one. I feel that's my only chance, I'd love to spend some girly time with her in the evening which she would love but she gets so tired.

I think I need to find some good coping mechanisms that work for both DD1 and I. I know things will get better it's just so hard when you're in the middle of it all!

OP posts:

lighteningmcmama · 24/04/2015 21:57

Following to get tips as my dd1 has become v clingy recently, which I unlink is a delayed reaction to dd2 who is 6mo

lighteningmcmama · 24/04/2015 21:57

Which I think

kimistayingalive · 26/04/2015 00:39

It's very difficult to stay calm when you feel tired and wound up but take a deep breath.
One thing I would have done myself was to give a time out of similar for the stamp on the chest. It is something she needs to understand is wrong and not to do.
With feeling so wound up are there any times you can get some "me time" to feel better and unwind a little.

Original poster

Bangonthedoor · 28/04/2015 11:02

Thank you kim, yes I'd normally give time out for such behaviour but because I was wound up already I had lost sight of all discipline techniques. I've actually organised an evening out with my friends this weekend, so really looking forward to that.

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 28/04/2015 17:15

A tip we were given when DC2 arrived so her toddler big brother wouldn't feel ousted:
Now and then in his earshot, we told baby she had to wait, just like he was sometimes told he had to wait just a minute if we needed to finish bringing up her wind after a feed or changing her nappy.

She didn't suffer and he was reassured that the world didn't revolve around DSis.

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