I have really mixed feelings about having a second child. Does that mean I should wait?

[Saltedcaramel2014]

I have DS (22months) and I'm 35. We were lucky enough to conceive him easily. I would like him to have a sibling, and DH is v keen to get going. Sleep has always been bad. I'm tired and the thought of doing it all over again makes my heart sink. I'm only just starting to get my brain and career back. I don't want to sound ungrateful - I adore the family we have. I'd like to expand it but I feel tired and sad at the grumpy person I'm worried it'll make me, in the short term. But I don't want to find it's too late, either. Should I just do it and hope it all pans out? Relationship with DH and DS are both solid. I'd really appreciate some advice, don't mean to sound negative.

DS2 is way easier than DS1 was plus as there's two of them they occupy each other.

When DS2 plays 'drop everything off my high chair' DS1 picks it all up! It's brilliant!

Thanks for all the latest posts - all really helpful, especially building up a proper picture of how people do manage. I'd not thought of that no one gets a lie in thing! But I'm feeling today like we can do it. And also that waiting two or three months might be the key for us, just because now was the time we planned (I had booked to have iud taken out next week) it doesn't mean that plan can't change.

Ps Spider-man I love the sound of that picking up game, can I borrow your DS

I had an awful pregnancy with DC1. DC2 was a breeze and I felt fabulous! She's also a far easier baby and I adore her. Just to say, pregnancies/babies are vastly different and you probably won't have an identical experience.

Good luck, whatever you choose it'll be right for you and your family :)

I would wait. At 35 you can still wait a couple of years if you wouldn't be devastated at the thought of ending up with only one.
I have a 5 year gap for many of the reasons you list and I think 2/3 year gaps are massively overrated. I don't buy the 'get it out of the way' argument - I have coped much better for having 3 years of decent sleep between children. A small gap also doesn't guarantee that your kids will get on, they might or might not regardless of the gap.
I waited until I honestly wanted a second child and am so glad now to have him and can't imagine life without him - but if I'd had a baby two years earlier I honestly think there would have implications for my relationship/career/mental health.

I'm so pleased to have found this thread - I'm in exactly the same situation. I've got 1DC who was born when I was 35 - they are now 16 months and I'm debating with DH having another. To be honest if they were the only child I had I'd be ok with that but I want to give them a sibling. I originally thought get it done and dusted early too but when they reached 1 I was nowhere near ready to think about it - I felt as though I'd just got back to feeling myself again & life was working out great baby / work wise etc. I'm also dreading pregnancy and the newborn stage, I did find it difficult adjusting. But I'm mentally preparing myself to start trying towards the end of this year. If time were on my side age-wise I'd wait for a few more years however if we are going to do it then is as good a time as any! I'm glad I had a break after my first to feel that I can make it all work, get back to work, get back to feeling like myself etc - it gives me hope that I'll be able to do it again

Thanks Barnetmum , it's good to hear your experience and so true re. age gap. There are no guarantees. And there was a five/seven year gap between me and my siblings and I loved it. I got spoiled with attention and learned do much from them. A mother's good mental health can so easily get overlooked in all this racing to get the ideal gap. I admire you for trusting your gut.

Chichi- good luck with making your decision, a few months can make a real difference. It sounds like you are halfway there.

And thanks knittingbee for your lovely note