Dealing with the difficulties of BF'ing a 13 month old.

[Writerwannabe83]

I'm after some reassurance that things do get better....

Over the last 6-8 weeks my 13m/o DS has become a BF'ing nightmare. He used to lie on my lap and feed quite pleasantly and it was a quick and easy job but now he seems to see it as some kind of game.

He will spend about 1 minute on one breast and then decide he wants to be on the other side, so he swaps himself over but after a minute on the side he then decides he wants to go back to the other side. This to-ing and fro-ing will then usually last for the duration of the feed, swapping sides every 60 seconds.

Sometimes he will also stop suckling but stay attached and then purposefully rock his head back and forth so he's effectively bouncing on and off my breast (with my nipple still in his mouth) which he seems to find hilarious

He's also decided that no matter what side he's feeding off he has to use his free hand to frequently play around with my other nipple.

Over the last few weeks he's also taken to using his free hand to grab and roll the skin across my upper chest/upper sternum area (almost like pinching) which is quite uncomfortable and has left tiny bruises. I try and hold his arm down, or hold his hand, to prevent him from doing it, but being restrained like that frustrated him. When he's doing the skin rolling he isn't doing it intentionally to hurt me but more of a comfort thing that I don't think he even realises he's doing it. He also uses his free hand sometimes to repeatedly hit my upper chest and it's almost as though he likes the sound of the noise when he makes contact with me. This will leave the skin quite red at times.

He's also sprouted 5 teeth over the last 3 weeks and it's been painful at times. His bottom two front teeth are quite sharp and when he's using his lower jaw to feed I feel his teeth scraping on the skin below my nipples and it's pretty sore. I'm sure if I lifted my breasts and looked underneath them I would have some kind of scratch marks from his teeth. He's bitten me once but it wasn't intentional and he unlatched when I shrieked in pain

Feeding him seems to be some kind off battle now and trying to keep him lying in an effective feeding position is near impossible as he flings and kicks his legs in all directions and tries to get himself into all sorts of random positions.

Up until now, apart from a rough start, I've loved feeding and I don't particularly want it to end but I feel myself becoming disheartened.

I'm really hoping it's just a phase as he's becoming more independent and head strong and that I should just ride it out, but I'm also worried that feeding him is going to be a nightmare from here onwards.

Did anyone else have these problems and how did you cope?

Ive no idea of any tried and tested solutions as I only managed to BF in the hospital with DD, but would it work if you simply removed him from the situation whenever he plays up? This is how I would handle any other "messing on" situation.

So if you offer a feed and he keeps swapping, just put him down, boobs away and get on with something else? Similarly as soon as he starts his bouncing game, put him down and boobs away? Re-inforce the message of "drink sensibly or not at all?"

As I say I have no experience of BFing past the colostrum but this seems behavioural more than exclusively a BFing matter (if my DCs faffed like that during a bottle id assume they dont want the milk so would take it away).

I agree with Think - at 13 months he is old enough to understand 'no'. If he starts mucking around, put him down, explain why and put everything away
I bf my DD until 15 months and to be honest don't remember any particular issues. She had teeth at 4 months so we had got over the biting issue at that stage (as you say a shriek in pain seemed to help sought that out!) Even at four months though, if she bit, I just pulled her off the breast and said no, before putting her back. It didn't take long.

HAs he got a favourite soft toy/comforter that he could perhaps hold whilst feeding? That might keep his hand/fist occupied.

My eight month old is similar with the pinching, scratching and slapping. I think she likes the sound of the slaps too. I've found it's worse at night when I have more skin exposed. In the day, I find wearing a scarf so she has something else to play around with works. Last night I tried giving her a soft toy but she kept pushing it away to get at me instead! Pretty sure she doesn't mean to inflict pain but it does get really frustrating when you just want a nice peaceful feed.

I did think about stopping the feed and saying 'No' and making him wait for a bit but unfortunately the times he feeds are early morning and before bed.

In the morning I have a 10 minute window in which to feed him so I wouldn't be able to keep stopping and starting unless I want to be late for work

I suppose I could with his bedtime feed but then it means he's have a later bedtime and I can't be coping with that He'd probably cotton on and use it to his advantage if playing up meant he didn't have to go to bed

On the days I'm not at work he tends to have a feed before his afternoon nap so I will definitely try the 'No' and feed refusal on those occasions.

That's a good idea about using his comforter to keep his free hand occupied. He has a toy bunny that he cuddles up to in bed so I will introduce him to the feeds....he's quite big though so it will be very cosy

To be honest OP, if I were you I would seriously consider stopping breastfeeding - and I say that as a massive supporter of breastfeeding! In my experience (via friends - I stopped breastfeeding my own DC at around a year) the behaviour you describe may get worse rather than better. Of course it is absolutely your decision, but it sounds like it's become something that just isn't very enjoyable for you.