Anyone with children with an age gap of 19 months?

[K8eee]

I was just wondering how they get on and how did you manage when they were little? dd was 1 at the beginning of the month. I'm pg with dc 2 who is due in November, giving them a 19 month age gap. I have no idea how I'll cope with 2 children under 2, so just after some advice and experiences please

Hi K8eee
Congratulations!!!
I had a 20 month gap between my first two (dd2 now 6months). The best thing I did in the first few weeks was keep dd1 in nursery 4 days a week (which she'd been doing prior to me starting Mat Leave). We did this for the first 6 weeks, although I think 4 would have been ok.
This allowed me to get through the trickiest bits of the early newborn days (for us that was the worst period of sleep deprivation and also the worst of my haywire hormones). It also meant DD1's schedule remained relatively unchanged in those early days which I think definitely helped limit any unsettled feelings in her. She just took to the new baby immediately
I would say that this worked for us for very specific reasons- my DH is self-employed and so was straight back to work after a couple of days with no break. And neither my family or PILs live locally. I'm also aware that keeping one child in nursery full time while one parent is at home is a costly set-up that might not be an option for everyone. It was a stretch for us, but IMO definitely worth it. By the time those first 6 weeks were over I was really ready to have DD1 at home with me all the time. In fact I was missing her and now LOVE having her with me every day. She's great company
My only other survival tip is to be out of the house as much as possible. I find it much much easier to juggle them both being out and about as they're then entertained & distracted (not to mention knackered out) much more easily. So with a winter baby (like mine) softplay, playgroups and visits to friends' houses (friends with other toddlers ideally) will be your lifeline.
I've found in the last 6 months that the cliché really is true ...this gig is the absolute hardest but best job in the world. A really naff cliché for sure, but true all the same.
Best of luck. It's awesome xxx

My MIL had two dc 13 months apart (Last two of many). She still looks kind of scarred by the experience! But those two are very close friends still and loved having each other throughout their childhoods. So it was a good outcome for the dc! Best of luck.

21 months here. 3 months in and not half as bad as I thought it would be. Key is to be organised - clothes out ready for next day/ pjs fir that night. Batch cook and relax on housework.

congratulations!

I have 19 months between my first 2 and 20 months between 2 and 3. Its fantastic! Some days they argue but what siblings don't?!

Congratulations! 17 months here, youngest was born with disabilities as well. It was hard I won't deny that. Be kind to yourself, batch cook and freeze some meals before the birth, be a bit more relaxed about the housework and accept offers of help. My DH was very supportive so I was lucky there. Mostly take the time to enjoy your babies. My two have the closest of friendships even as they've got older they are the closest of all my children

I have 17 months apart. My tip would be to accept as much help as you can and to get out lots in the mornings. It feels like a very very long day if you don't get out. A wrap sling is very handy for the first few months for the little one and still leaving your hands free for the toddler. Our double buggy has been a godsend too (we invested in a bugaboo donkey which can be used as single and double). C Beebies is your friend!

Congratulations op!

Have you got a dishwasher and a tumble dryer? on a practical level those 2 items helped greatly, along with Ocardo, a good sling and a good double pushchair (that you can push one handed when the older one wants to get out and walk).

I seem to remember cooking lots of easy meals (throwing food in the slow cooker while the baby was having an afternoon nap) and having takeaway/ready meals on a Friday followed by a lie in!

They have always played really well together and are now a school year apart (you get to know the teachers really well as you see them for 2 years on the trot!). They share clothes and we quite often end up buying them the same thing otherwise there is a fight, this also goes for coloring books and magazines.

19 month gap here. Baby is only 8 weeks so we're still in the hard times.

No advice as I'm totally not nailing it today apart from: it's tough. Don't be hard on yourself when you have an off day.

I'm sure it will get better

I have that gap (they are now in their late teens though). It was hard for the first few months, especially as I was breastfeeding DS2, which meant I just couldn't always go to DS1 as soon as he needed me, and I think he found that hard to understand at first. He didn't have enough language at the time to explain what he needed so he spent a lot of time just standing there going red in the face, toddling on the spot and yelling! On the spur of the moment, we got him a rocking horse (a low one that he couldn't really hurt himself on) and that seemed to keep him amused sometimes when I couldn't.

We're not the sort of people who ever had a very rigid schedule, but neither child would sleep anywhere other than in a moving pushchair after the age of about 6 months, so with DS2 we were going out for at least one walk every day right from the start, and I think that helped to keep me and DS1 sane.

I would say it became a lot easier when DS1 was potty trained (he was 2.5, DS2 was nearly 1) and he also had a lot more language by then so we could have a conversation even when I couldn't physically help him. I'd say they started to become actual companions for each other round about the same time. Although I still couldn't go away and leave them both to play unsupervised for hours, it became easier for me to read or get on with housework knowing that neither of them was instantly going to get lonely and upset.

I was also lucky enough to have some friends who had children of about the same ages so we'd often get together, which meant all of them had someone of about their own age to play with. On the whole though, I think DS2 has always been quite ready and able to play with people a bit older than him because of the start he got with DS1 and his friends.

I have a 19 month gap between my eldest daughter and my 12 week old twin girls. Am following with interest for any tips. I am finding it tough going at the moment.

19 month gap here between DD1 and DTs too madeup - it must be incredibly tough at the moment, it will get better (though realise that feels a long way off). They are now 8 and 7 and brilliant fun - it's great that they're so close in age a lot of the time - many of the same interests/same kind of 'level' at stuff.

The first year was really difficult, if I'm honest. Some things which we did that helped:

threw what money we could at surviving that time on the basis that things would get better. So we had a cleaner, plenty of takeaways, and whatever little luxuries would keep us going. We realised that the first double buggy didn't work for us, so got a second - expensive, but made a big difference to how mobile I was...

went out. Every day. Rain, or shine

Set up the house to make things easier - so we had changing stations with nappies, clothes etc both downstairs and upstairs, ditto toothbrushes. I came downstairs with the kids before OH went to work and mostly we stayed there

Accepted help where offered. Local friends/family gave us food for the freezer, took twins out for naps in buggy etc.

Gave DD1 main meal at lunchtime (DTS had awful colic and had to be carried around constantly for hours in the evening - special mention to my FIL who would come over in a crisis to pace around with him so I could look after the other two)

Will see if I can think of any more. It did feel as though that first year was a survival mission, but it was also a really special time at times and I think my kids (and us) are really lucky to have the family set-up we've got now. And congratulations!

11 month gap here. They are now 22 months and 33 months. My key to coping practically speaking was organisation. Clothes out the night before, changing stuff upstairs and down (changing mat under sofa and neat clip lock box tucked away with nappies & wipes), I switched from showering in the morning to bathing at night, changing bag always stocked and ready.

In readiness for no.2 I batch cooked so had a load of meals in the freezer ready. I also batch cooked a load for DD so I could just heat up her meal, and get them both in bed by 6.30pm so myself and DH had time together. We all eat together now and have for ages but when they were babies it was easier not to.

Accept help when it's offered.

Emotionally make sure you get out and about, and see a close friend or family member often. The physical is so relentless that the emotional takes it toll, or it did for me. I never stopped. I ended up with depression too and my doc was ace. I also matched up the lunchtime nap so both were asleep together, but then DD stopped napping at 22 months and DS has just done the exact same thing, so it may not work out that way for you if you have an early nap dropper. If you have a good napper tho try to coincide if at all possible, it's a life saver. They slept, I slept.

It will be a blur at first but they'll have so much fun together as the baby gets older and when they play together nicely it's so rewarding.

I have 19 mths between the first two, then 20 months between dc3 and 22 months with dc4. I was a women on a mission!

Second most of the advice here. Things like online shopping, meal planning and batch cooking, get into the routine now so at you can do it in your sleep when the baby arrives.

Any thread here that involves the words 'life hacks' have heaps of advice! I've implemented a lot, ESP. As dc4 arrived when dc1 started reception - I had no idea what I was doing.

In retrospect for me, what was a life saver was taking a picnic to the park most days, so that there was no clean up after lunch. Regardless of the weather! I visited lots of cafes, drop ins, anywhere that meant I didn't need to stay in my messy house, as I really dropped my standards.

Good luck!

I have this gap and my second is now 6 months old. I'd second online shopping and we also have a cleaner who comes for a couple of hours a week to give the house a basic clean. Even if you can only afford it for a few months it definitely helps. If your first is already in childcare, I'd recommend keeping them there if you can afford it - or on reduced hours. Even a couple of mornings a week will give you a break and you can sleep/play with your baby and get a rest from your active toddler. We have no family nearby to help us, so this has been a godsend. A dryer will really help and I'd love a dishwasher. Getting out and about helps too. I don't batch cook, but I do have a rough plan for dinner every day and also a v easy plan B if things don't go to plan such as a jar of pasta sauce or a frozen pizza. The odd take away is fine too. Cbeebies can be very helpful if you're stuck breastfeeding a lot initially.

I have found my second easier and more enjoyable in that I'm more confident about what I'm doing and it's not such a huge change. I've put him in the sling and tried to concentrate more on my toddler who needs more attention and wants me to play with her. The baby has been perfectly content with this most of the time unless he's hungry and he loves being carried. A double buggy is useful for crowded/busy places.