working mum troubles

[2muskateers]

I am 28 with an 8 year old daughter, who talks to me like rubbish..I work part time so I get to pick her up from school every day but leave for work very early so 2 nights she stays at her grandparent's, and 2 mornings she goes to a Childminder at 7 o'clock. She also has to stay at her dad's every Friday night till Saturday afternoon. with her dad she just goes to above mentioned grandparents, I try to do fun stuff with her, aswell as drama class, parties, holidays but she just wants to go dad's and grandparents. She tells me I do nothing for her and they really care. We are all decent and don't say anything bad about each other infront of her. She says she doesn't talk to anyone else this way because she would get into trouble but im not a push over with her. I just don't know what to do, is she staying away too much with too many adult figures Involved? any advice or tips would be helpful, I feel it's ground hog day every day.

No answers, but just wanted to express sympathy for you.

At 8 she should be able to have some empathy - perhaps sit down and write a list of the fun stuff that Mum organises? And say that it makes Mum sad that she only wants to be with her Dad or Grandparents?

Thank you, I will try that definitely . I feel so lost at what I'm doing sometimes I never know what's for the best for her.

It might be worth looking at the lone parents and/or preteens boards, I think a lot of people that use this one just have babies and toddlers.

Could you talk to her Dad and grandparents about how she is at theirs, to see if she seems upset about the curent arrngements. Could she have a block of time with her grandparents and her Dad see her there, so she can be settled Wed night to Sat afternoon and not on the move so much.

I'd talk to her about what she wants to change, would organsing things to do on Sunday once a month in return for her doing a bit more around the house be an option?

Also explaining why things are as they are and that you work to pay for things for her and her grandparents love having her to stay etc.

P.S. I don't think any of us know what we are doing, just don't let the kids find out

She has given you the biggest clue you need. It's not about you being away or what you do with her.

Her words 'she doesn't talk to anyone else this way as she would get into trouble'. Therein lies your answer.

Which is what lucy??

Someone recently told me that it's a back handed compliment that a child will push back with you but note the non res parent. Possibly dd isn't as secure in her relationship with dad/grandparents so wouldn't dare show she's unhappy in the way she's expressing herself with yoU in case of rejection.

I'd try heart to heart But obviously you still need to set boundaries as you do. Maybe it's her way of saying she wants more time with you.

It's hard. Ds is only 3 but my hours will increase as he gets older. I've this juggling to come.

She's allowing her to get away with talking to her like rubbish.