Ds bumped by other child - did I handle it so badly?

[mollipops]

This is probably going to be a rant, but I am upset about this "incident" at Gymbaroo today (I think it's like Tumbletots in the UK). At the end of the session they bring out a big parachute and all the kids lie underneath it and the mums hold the handles and sing etc. Well today when my 3yr old ds went lie down, another little boy was lying with his legs in the air and sort of rolling around, kicking his legs around in the air and he happened to knock into my ds, (fairly hard), who burst into tears and ran up to me crying his eyes out. I cuddled him and said "sh, it's okay, he was just excited, he didn't mean it, it's okay" etc. The othe boy's mum was sitting next to me and said "Oh sorry" and told her son to settle down, but he just went on what he was odoing anyway. Meantime, the assistant had seen my ds crying and came over to ask if he was okay and what happened? I said "He got kicked, but he's okay", and I heard the other mum say (not to me, but obviously intended that I would hear it), "Oh I don't think he was kicked!" Now I know she hadn't seen the start of what happened because she was chatting to another mum, and hadn't said it was deliberate, but what else do you call it when someone hit syou with their feet and legs?! Would she have felt any less affronted had I said hit/knocked/bumped? Ds was still crying and I said "It's okay, he was just waving his legs around cos he was happy, he didn't mean it"... Ds was fine after a few minutes and joined in again (not under the parachute though!) and i was happy to let it go as one of those things, but I still felt the evil eye on me and was getting very bad vibes off this mum, although she wouldn't look directly at me and didn't talk to me. S now i am left feeling bad about the whole thing and it deosn't seem right. Please help me put this into perspective! Did I really say the wrong thing? Obviously in hindsight I would handle it differently but was it really that bad?

"Kicked" doesn't imply that it was done on purpose. I know I could easily have said the same thing in the same situation. Why not just be extra nice to that mum next time to show that you have no bad feelings towards her, and if she persists with the evil eye after that, just ignore her. These things are sad, but they happen and if people want to harbour a grudge, well let them!

I totally agree with Star. Sml, why should mollipops be extra nice to the mum next time????
She didn't even see what happened. It really annoys me when I take my 2 to these sort of groups and the mums are standing around gossiping not watching what their children are up to. They are there for their childrens benefit not theirs. It's a toddlers group not a mums natter group. Give the evil eye back next time , mollipops!

Took the words out of my mouth Sister. Mollipops, if his mother was paying attention rather than nattering she would have seen what had happened. Besides if her son is doing this why didn't she tell him to be more careful. You shouldn't be feeling bad at all.

Mollipops, I agree with Star, I don't think I would have handled it differently either. I also think though that perhaps the Mum wouldn't have given you the evil eye had the assistant not involved herself - putting myself in the other Mum's shoes, I might have felt put on the spot a bit, like I was a bad mother.

Sister, I have to disagree with you about toddler groups being just for the toddlers - how are you supposed to meet other Mums and make friends if you go to these groups and never speak to anyone? Of course you should be keeping an eye on your child also, but it is a much needed social time for me when I don't have any other Mums to meet up with.

And tit for tat isn't going to help either, - Mollipops, just be yourself next time, I'm sure the other Mum will have forgotten all about it anyway - but if she is still cold towards you just forget her there are plenty of others there who are friendly to you I'm sure.

Sorry jodee I disagree with you. If your children are running around together playing how can you keep an eye on what they are doing if you have eye contact with another parent deep in conversion?? Nobody else would be looking out for your child as no 1 priority.

Mollipops
You didn't do anything wrong and it is not nice for the other mum to make you feel that you did. Some women are ultra-defensive where their children are concerned but it was your little one who was upset! I have seen/heard these things happen and I never feel it helps for people so uppity. Pretend it hasn't happened so that she has to as well.

Mollipops
You didn't do anything wrong and it is not nice for the other mum to make you feel that you did. Some women are ultra-defensive where their children are concerned but it was your little one who was upset! I have seen/heard these things happen and I never feel it helps for people so uppity. Pretend it hasn't happened so that she has to as well.

Isn't it hard when your someone criticises your child! Her behaviour isn't unusual, just infuriating.........

I had a similar experience recently where a mother actually told her child he had done nothing wrong when he had scratched mine on the nose and drawn blood. The weird thing is that the little boy had been persuaded by me to apologise, and then she said that. I was sure it was right for him to apologise whether it was an accident or not, and I don't think it was.

Mollipops, I think you handled this fine, he had been kicked and you were just telling the truth but you weren't making a big fuss about it. Just treat the mother exactly the same next week, I would smile and say hello as you have made a connection now (albeit not the best way to!!) but don't ignore her as she'll think you're annoyed with her for her son's behaviour.
Sister, I go to these sorts of classes all week and I agree that I actually find it a really nice way to chat to other mothers. I don't take my eye off my child and constantly dash across the room to retrieve her and bring her back to where I am having the conversation if she looks as if she's about to jump off something she's not meant to! I think you can go to these things and chat and let your children have a little bit of space to explore without their mother being one pace behind them but intervene when they are about to get into some sort of trouble. They do get excited and mine did launch herself off a small trampoline this week and into an unsuspecting child who wobbled but didn't fall over. I was three steps away but didn't quite get there in time but we did go to the other child (and mother)and said sorry and she was totally fine about it as I would be as most of these things are genuine accidents and due to a bit of overexcitment.
However, sometime things aren't accidents, I remember mine being grabed by her face by one girl for taking her ball (well, the class ball). I was horrified to have to prize the child's nails out of my child's face while (admittedly) the mother was deep in conversation with another mother. BUT they were both about 18 months old and it was the second time mine had singled out this girl to rob so I did see it partly as just the way children of that age sometimes deal with this sort of situation and it's a learning thing and probably worse will happen when/if mine goes to nursery. I must admit I was a bit cheesed off with the mother for not noticing what her child had done (even after mine screamed her head off and had scratch marks down her face) and maybe I should have told her about it but I'm a wimp and so just avoid the child like the plague now!
What I'm trying to say is that accidents do happen and I think this is what this incident was and I think Mollipops handled the situation fine.

Sister, I guess we will have to agree to disagree! I think Janus has explained my point of view very well. I don't think there is one mother at the group I go to that doesn't chat at some point during the meeting, but we're not chatting all the time, and toddlers need to be given a little free. I'm never engrossed in such a deep conversation that I'm not aware of ds being near enough to grab should be able to fall off the slide or something worse, and whilst I agree that my child isn't another Mum's No. 1 priority, we would all look out for another child and pick them up to comfort them if they were nearest to us if they fell over.

That was typed in a hurry, so apologies for the errors!

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to reply! I feel better about it now, it was just hard to see it in perspective at the time. I have to agree Jodee, about the assistant getting involved, I hadn't actually thought of it that way - if she hadn't asked I wouldn't have had to say anything and my words of comfort to my son would have shown I felt no blame or anger toward her child (tho' I had thought this should have been the case anyway!)

We are actually on 2 weeks break now...I admit I did find myself reading the enrolments list for next term in the foyer to see if she and her son were on it! (And hoping they wouldn't be shame!) Avoidance is my favourite way of coping...

We used to go to playgroup (dd and ds both went for 2 years), and loved it; free play with kids from our area and lots of new toys and large outdoor equipment, a bit of an activity and a song and off home. I agree it's great for the mums to socialise as well as for the kids, but do agree that some mums get carried away in deep conversations to the exclusion of keeping an eye on what their child is doing. I always really looked forward to that adult contact (and hot cuppa and morning tea!) Gymbaroo is a bit different as it is supposed to be something you do alongside your child, one-to-one, and is a more structured programme. I don't think I have said more than a few words to any of the mums there before, unless our children were playing alongside each other. They don't encourage "chatting" and would prefer you spend the time with your child, as it is a kind of developmental "lesson". I really enjoy having this time with ds and I know he loves it too... I won't let this ruin our time together and will play it by ear next term and see how this mum responds to me...it will probably be easiest just to go on as before and not have much to do with her! But I hope she doesn't feel it is necessary to hold a grudge.