We want to foster babies - does anyone know the process?

[claireh11]

Hi couldnt find a fostering conversation section so thought Id ask here and get referred lol

We are very serious about fostering young babies and wondered if anyone had any advice as to how we should go about it etc

Have filled out a few forms online and have one from NFA to complete and send to them.

Anyone have any advice, info etc for us

TIA

we're in the process of registering with the local council to become short-term foster carers, have you contacted your local council? they have loads of babies who need care, sometimes for up to 2 years

you need to apply to your local council. if there are others nearby you can apply to them too and go with the one which seems best to you

there are lots of people willing to foster babies. have you thought about fostering older chiildren? If you would consider older children you could also try independent agencies.

What age are your own kids? How do you think they/you would cope with a child being part of your family for a year or more then they move? Sometimes you never hear from them again....

Not trying to put you off, just something to think about

Our ds is almost 4. Dont think fostering older children would be good for our family for lots of reasons but babies would be good I think.

Have spoken to ds (although he obv doesn't understand really) about us looking after babies until they get new mummy's and daddy's or their mummy's and daddy's are better and he thinks it would be great. We would love this as he would experience sharing at home etc that he othererwise wont have.

Will speak to local coundil(s), thanks.

Do think carefully about the impact it may have on your ds. My parents fostered under 2's when we were kids and it was heartbreaking to lose "brothers" and "sisters" sometimes after just a week or two , sometimes a year or more. I became old enough to realise that stories don't always have particularly happy endings We also were forced by SS to lose contact when the children returned home or were adopted (although my mum does still have unofficial contact with 3 or so families more than 30 years on).

I'm sure your local Social Services or Council Childrens dept would run information sessions to find out more before you enter the offical approval process.

Good luck.

claire - i think you shoudl consider sending your child to nursery or playgroup or having other children on playdates to learn to share

It will be very very hard on him if you foster and he has a child to live with him for a year or so and then has to say goodbye and perhaps never see that child again. you could also have a child who comes to you very sick or with disturbed bahaviour from an abusive family and then is returned to that family after living with you for months/years

kristinaM- thanks for the advice, will take it all on board. As for sending ds to nursery etc he goes to nursery 3 days a week, toddler group once a week and swimming lessons so he does mix very well with other children - not looking for a surrogate playmate iykwim

Lizs - thanks for the advice, it's nice to hear other peoples views especially those who have experienced it first hand when they were a child, as you did. its a very big decision to make and we have only just started looking into it. We are going to try and arrange for an informal chat with our local council fostering dept (if there is such a thing?) when ds is at nursery to find out more about it.

Thanks

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HAPPYMUMOF2 - Thanks for your info thats great. We really do need to sit down and think about all the aspects of fostering mainly the impact it will have on ds.

the info sessions run by our local council fostering dept (yes, there is such a thing!) are fab, i attended one with a view to fostering but at ds was only 2 decided against it til he's older.
it is an amazing thing to do and they'll give you all the options, my family were respite carers while i was growing up, we'd have some children that stayed every other weekend to give their parents a break. we're still friends with the family 25 years later!!!!

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Thanks for all your advice. To be honest the only reason we are saying babies is I dont honestly feel I could handle the "emotional" problems and psychological problems and older child would come with.

I know that babies are very hard work but I feel it could bring a lot of joy into our lives, I wouldnt want to push ds out any further than that by having to cope with both him and a much more emtionally demanding older child, therefore taking any attention away from him iyswim

Will speak to local council.

claire - if you are serrious do look to your local council for advice. There are also lots of independent fostering agencies out there now who pay a lot of money. I started with my local council and was headhunted by 2 of the directors who left to set up their own agencies. The training was great, support and out of hours help was excellent too. You don't get this with local authority.

I fostered for a total of 11 years; started when dd was 16months. There were a lot of times when my kids saw some very undesirable behaviours from both the fostered kids and my own kids at times. The main thing is how you think you will deal with it. If your parenting is strong and consistent then I think it would be a great idea.

Oh btw, I did 3 adoptions and you have a lot of support through this time and it lasts for only 2-2.5 weeks anyway so the actual time to handover is very short.

Good luck!

QueenEagle - thanks thats really helpful to know. As I said before its nice to know and hear views from people who have actually been through it. Will def talk to local council and have seen a fostering agency has recently opened up near ds's nursery so may well go in one day next week once hes been dropped off at nursery.

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No not doing it cos I feel broody I have just always enjoyed spending time with babies. I look after my goddaughter several times a week (not the same I know) and it's a real pleasure, I love having her here.

We both have so much to consider and look into and we appreciate all your advice. We definately need to talk to the council etc and get a good understanding of ALL that it involves, this wont be a decision we take lightly.

Thanks

Agree Happy Mum of 2 . iirc "babies" is now 0-2 , for Adoption at least possibly more flexible for fostering, and by then all sorts of things could have occurred or been witnessed resulting in difficult behaviour. Also do consider if you could take siblings since SS may well want to try to maintain family groups especially if return to the natural parent(s) is a possibility. Contact is an issue , I remember spending much time as a child waiting in a car park for the handover. The Social Worker might shuttle the child between the foster family and parents for visits or you may have to go to a Family Centre and drop off/collect but without actually seeing the other party. Also I don't know if this is still the case but many children were not fostered in their local "home" area (to minimise the risk of inadvertent contact or interference) so distance can be an issue.

I dont think we could take siblings as you are supposed to have a room for each child and we only have one spare bedroom.

There are LOTS of emotional complications looking after foster kids, even those aged under 2. Your Ds woudl definitely have to come second I'm afraid. Babies with health problems or withdrawal symptoms or other special needs are very demanding.

Also you would need some childcare for your son, so you can attend meetings with SS, do contact visits etc. Like other jobs I'm afraid

If you enjoy looking after babies so much, have you considered childminding? Shorter hours, much better pay and you can give notice if you dont like the child/family. You could lurk on the MN childminding threads and find out more........

I'm suer this does't apply to you....but some people think that fostering babies is a backdoor into adopting a baby. It isnt. There is a VERY long waiting list of families waiting to adopt babies. They only stay with foster families under very exceptional circumstances.
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Some agencies use a system of concurrent planning, where families approved to adopt a baby foster a child first, on the understanding that the child may return to the birth family.

No we are def not interested in adopting achild, would have another of our own if that was the case really.

We will look into childminding too. Only prob with that I could see is dp works shifts so nights and days. Dont know if this would be a prob with childminding?

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No not so much his sleep, didnt know if that would affect my application with local council if he works shifts?

I suppose this would also be the same with fostering but I would have (I reckon) bit more freedom to take the baby out if I was fostering so they sort of fitted in with my day to day routine a little more than a childminded child. I dont know how parents feel about say taking their children out shopping with you etc when you are childminding?

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