Am I a bad parent for thinking this?

[Ashamed12345]

I'm feeling insecure, and ashamed, hence the wimpy name change!

For a little background, I have two DC, aged 3 and 5. Eldest in reception and youngest about to start her 15 hours (although did two mornings a week in playgroup anyway so I could do a part time course). I'm a SAHM (course only takes me 4 hours a week so barely counts), and have been since eldest was 1.

I love my kids very much, and do enjoy their company most of the time. I don't feel lonely when they're around and I can think of quite a few things I really love to do with them (morning cuddles in bed etc). But I'm really looking forward to them going back to school/playgroup! Despite being nice, well behaved kids, the noise and mess is getting to me! I'm also bloody bored! I'm bored of refereeing, bored of thinking of child friendly things to do and bored of 'look Mummy, look!' every two seconds!

I thought this was fairly normal, but all of a sudden I feel alone in this. My Facebook (yes, I know, I know!) is filled with happy outings, and a huge thread with all the school mothers going on about how they're dreading the kids going back, how they wish they could be with them all the time. Really? Why am I so horrible?

I don't know if its because I'm the only SAHM among them? They say they miss their kids when they're at work and I totally understand that, so maybe I just have too much time with mine?

We (DH and I) don't have any family support, so if one of us wants a break the other watches the kids. Except that DH NEVER seems to want a break. He loves being with the kids every spare minute he has, whereas I'd happily escape to the gym for an hour everyday if I could. (I should add, DH is great with giving me 'me time')

They all make me feel like a horrid person because I don't want to spend every minute of every day with my kids, I feel like I'm not cut out to be a parent

I do love them, and they make me laugh with their funny ways, but why am I the only one that can't bring myself to say 'I wish I could be around them all the time?'

It's normal. You're around them all the time. All the time.

You can love your kids to the end of the earth but it's OK to be bored sometimes and want a break.

Very, very few people need to be with their kids 24/7, no matter how much they adore them. Only those with nothing else in their lives whatsoever.

You are not the only one! Your friends fb feeds are of an idealised perfect life, not reality! Plus if they are at work I'm sure they do relish spending time with the kids, totally different when tou are with them all day long..
Presumably your husband works also so had much less time with them than you do!
You are not remotely a bad parent! I am a sahm and whike I have had a surprisingly pleasant easter holidays with my 3 I am counting down the days until school starts so I can have just a little peace and time to think of something not child related!

Of course you're not alone! I love my son and would gladly lay down my life for him in the blink of an eye. I love spending time with him, but could I do it 24/7? No bloody way! I like having to get up and go in the morning instead of contemplating the day stretching in front of me! I like the fact that at work I can do what I want when i want and not always conform to someone else's routines, desires, needs.

Totally totally normal. I work one day a week. Not even a full day (out the house 9.14-5 usually). Makes a MASSIVE difference to how I feel about things. I earn very little, working on a day DH is off means child care costs nothing and actually it's very good for him to do my daily grind. He gets what it feels like far more than most men I know.

Oh thank God thank you! I'm normally fairly level headed with this sort of thing, but I just feel surrounded by these gushing sentiments at the moment and it's made me feel really bad!

Yes DH has pointed out that he's at work all day so seeing them is far more of a novelty for him. I just feel utterly selfish and teenage like that sometimes all I want to do is lie on my bed and listen to music instead of dealing with PVA glue/play doh/'make sure you brush your teeth properly!'

I'll no doubt whinge once I go back to work next year about not seeing them!

I am a SAHM, not by choice but due to relocating for my DH's job, and so are most of my friends right now and all of us admit that we find it draining to be with the kids 24-7. Most of us have our older toddlers in preschool for a couple of mornings a week just to get a break and we're not ashamed to admit it! You must have unusual friends

I don't think it says that you are not cut out to be a parent but maybe it means that you're not cut out to be a SAHM? I know I'm not and am hoping to go back to work soon. Could you look at going back to work, even part-time?

Ah, cross post! Yes you probably will miss them when you're back at work. I know I will!

Don't be so hard on yourself. What you have described sounds totally normal. I'm sure the FB friends are painting an overly positive picture - that is what FB is for so I wouldn't judge yourself against what people have put on there.

It's ok to need and take some time for yourself. For many people, being a good parent requires some balance in life and sometimes that means doing something for yourself, by yourself, taking a break and doing something that makes you happy.

There is so much pressure these days to appear that everything revolves around our children. Of course our children are the most important thing but we need to be happy to enjoy them and for them to enjoy being with us.

No one's going to put "today my dd did a massive shit all over me. Then she spat orange baby food over my only nice top and it's ruined. I drove past students in a beer garden on the way to sodding lidl and I cried because I just want to have a nice pint and a sit down." on Facebook are they? Like everything it has its "ways" and mum rule 1 is cite and pretty only!
So instead you post the adorable photo.
And grumble on mumsnet.

You sound lovely and normal.

Of course you're normal! I work full time and like your DH, therefore indeed want to spend my evenings and weekends with DS, as I don't see him that much. But when my child-minder was on holidays and I spent a whole week at home nonstop looking after DS, I happily escaped to work the next Monday, for a break. Kids are great, but I think that parents who want to spend every single minute 24/7 with them are a minority.

I was so glad when my ds started his free hours and dd was at school as I finally had a bit of peace to do my own thing

My friend posts lovely pictures of fun filled days out on Facebook every single weekend and school holiday. Her kids are always boden-clad and smiling.

She confessed to me when pissed recently that she takes them out every day because she can't stand being in the house with them as they drive her insane. Facebook is not always what it seems.

Thank you so much guys

I must have weird friends! I'm glad you said that Demented, I'm looking forward to DD starting her free hours, not so I can be housewife extrodinaire, but so I can go to the gym and wander aimlessly round shops! One of the other mothers at playgroup told me she only puts her DD in two mornings a week rather than five because she just didn't feel the need to put her in anymore than that. Another friend has never had a night away from her four year old because she just didn't feel the need to helps her DD lies in in the morning! I felt awful, DH took our two away to see relatives last summer and I stayed at home for two nights all by myself and it was utter bliss!!

On the plus side, DD1 has just told me she loves me more than the ceiling, which genuinely made me spit my tea out with laughter! Gotta love 'em sometimes!!

Thank you so much for not flaming me (and for saying I sound lovely Squizita, I can assure you I'm not at witching hour before bedtime!)

I don't know if its because I'm the only SAHM among them?

Yes! That's exactly why! I'm a SAHM to ds who's 16 months and pregnant with dd. My baby isn't even born yet and I'm sort of looking forward to her going to school! My dp is a far better parent than me because he only has to do it for an hour and a half a day. It's much easier to remain cheery and upbeat for one hour. He only read the "Trucks" book 4 times yesterday whereas I read it 34658 times.

I love being a SAHM but I don't think todays highlight of "NO, Don't spit on Mummy" will be making it on to fb any time soon. And yes your friends sound weird. My sister had ds for us over night when he was 4 months old and it was fabulous.

Trust me when I say that all those mums posting on FB feel MASSIVELY guilty for working and not being with their children all the time. The grass is always always greener and we have to make our choices (and then feel guilty about them). Kids are very trying and having little break from them makes it feel relentless and gives you less chance to appreciate them.
You are definitely not a bad mum, totally normal.

I tend to think those people who post all that "my life is perfect I love my kids so much" stuff either are overcompensating or lack a sense of humour. My kids are far more interesting when they're doing stuff like eating flowers (walking past a lovely park covered in daisies the other day, DD2 grins and goes "ahahaha, LUNCH") or deciding to strip off in the middle of town because it's a bit warm, or when one puts the wind up the other by telling her we're not her mum and dad

I do think it is to do with being SAH. I SAH with my twins till they were 2 and then worked 3 days/week for about 9 months. I am currently back at work full time. When I was 24/7 at home I sometimes counted the hours, but now I'm full time again I really miss them. 3 days a week was perfect.

I also think for people with more than one kid who're not single parents, they're rarely outnumbered by their kids as the partner also is around at weekends. So they don't get to experience the full horror of e.g. DC1 falling over and crying at one end of the house while DC2 is at the other end trying to empty her own potty (not that that has ever happened to me this week) I don't think you can appreciate what total rotters your kids can be until you've been outnumbered by them.

Well fwiw if I hear another MUUUUUM I think I might spontaneously combust!!!!

i love my kids but they need to be away from me sometimes for their own wellbeing

Then again when the kids are at school I wish it was the hols and when it's the hols I wish it was term time!

Who on earth would want to spend every minute of the day with their kids??

I was mainly a SAHM working a bit from home for four years and I'm just slowly easing back into working outside the home. I was away for two days this week and I found being away for the day then coming home so incredibly different to being with them all day. I couldn't wait to see them, I sniffed them and kissed them and just enjoyed them so much more than I did when I had 10 relentless hours of fighting and screaming and asking for juice. Anything gets boring when you do it for long enough and childcare is no exception. Looking after kids that young is very tiring too - there is so much involved in it that it is easy to get tired and irritated.

It sounds like it's time for you to try to get into something more solid beyond the course you're doing, just to get that outlet and stimulation. It will improve your relationship with your children massively. Having some proper time away to do other things and to engage your brain helps so much in enjoying them - it lends variety and means you see being around them more as a fun time away from work rather than as an ongoing chore.

Good God, I must be the worst mother ever! I literally cannot wait for the kids to go back to school. I don't want to spend every spare minute with them, but am forced to as a single Mum, it's awful!! I have a huge age gap too, 13 years between mine, one nearly 17, one just turned 4, it's hell on earth! They have such different needs that I feel constantly split in two. The youngest is ASD and says the word "Mum" about a thousand times a day, by 7 pm, I am nearly pulling my own toenails out. It's hard finding things to do all the time, it's hard to keep them both occupied, it's hard having no time to myself. So, I totally get you. Also, remember that people put on FB what they want you to perceive. It is easy to create a "life" that in reality is probably just as difficult as ours. So, cherish your quiet time and don't feel guilty for wanting to do that. We are all lucky to have our children, that I can't deny, but it is hard being a parent, it really is. I love my two to bits, but roll on Monday!! Am now off to fix a bicycle