How much do your kids help?

[Justusemyname]

Just got cross with the nine year old. I also have a 14 year old who is away at the moment and an eleven year old. They have a job chart with one or two jobs a day to do. Jobs are clean and set the table before and after meals, sweep the kitchen floor, empty the dishwasher and give the cats fresh water twice a day.

Jobs are not always done. When they are done sometimes not good enough though I know they could do better as it is done right though I have asked four times to do so at times. Huge sighs from them. Constantly putting things in the wrong place even though the pots have lived there for years and I have shown them time and again.

Nine year old shouted a job was the 14 year olds, clearly not willing to do an extra job while he's out.

My house is a tip. It is in need of a clean. I'm forever picking up after them and I have had enough. This morning he's had cereal in the lounge and has left his bowl there. It would stay there until I moved it or reminded him too.

At these ages I was hoovering, ironing, shopping , cleaning and while that was an abusive situation I do feel my children should be able to sweep the floor properly and get better at it.

I've said I won't be taking him to the library today as I'm so annoyed and in my anger I'm thinking I'll just clean the house and ignore him and he can whistle for TV and computer today.

My 5 year old DD, sets the table in the evening, will put her dirty dishes in the dish washer, occasionally when I've not got round to emptying the clean ones

Will strip her bed on a Saturday morning so I can wash it.
Will put her own washing away
Tidys up all her toys at the end of the day or when I ask her too.
And she loves sweeping the garden so I let her.
And occasionally ask to do more jobs. And even asks to do jobs at nanas house.

Oh and keeps her bedroom tidy.

Do your 2 get pocket money?

I forgot, they also do strip their own beds but only the oldest remakes it. They take their clean clothes from the lounge too but they don't always put them away without nagging.

They had been getting pocket money. Very little but have given them nothing for 2-3 weeks though DS2 has had the equivalent spent on him.

We've tried pay per job/day, full money but do all you're asked, no money.

They'd rather pay someone else or have no money than do their jobs.

I've picked up far too much and it is all a my fault I am not resentful that they have a bad attitude towards helping.

They were great when younger....

DDs room is always a mess. Gets annoyed when I tell her to tidy it as it is her room and what does it matter. She went nuclear when she thought DH had tided her room. Makes me wonder what she has to hide.

I would just stop all spends /rewards /deserts if they don't do it.

My mum expected to much from me as a child. But Mil did everything for DH and his brothers, 2 of them still live at home aged 24 and 27 and she still does everything including making their beds and putting washing away (she really babies them)

I couldn't do that myself DD was gradually introduced to it and it's now just second nature to her she doesn't really see it as work she take pride in keeping her room tidy and hates it when her cousins come and mess it up.

So what I'm saying really is put your foot down and don't let up they will eventually do it.

Is there anything you could take away if they don't do it like iPad or favourite toy

They just switch off. The oldest says I nag. I said I keep on because they don't do as I ask. Head - brick wall.

I've come specifically looking for advice on this topic.
My DS is 11. I spent the school holidays helping him to tidy his room but it is not finished yet because on a daily basis he trashes his bedroom. Towards the end of the holiday, we had to go out. I said 5 times to go and PUT AWAY the stuff he has got homes for (new storage being sorted) but the xbox and console and tv bits all had homes to go to. Just before we left, I said that I would be going into his room with a bag shortly and removing everything he hadn't put away. I asked if he was SURE he had put everything away. I then went up and picked up his headset, remote controls, handset and some games. He can have them back at the end of the month.

This evening, DS has come down ranting and raving about his remote control. DH says I am being unfair for taking away these items because it means he can't use his xbox live.

My take is that the lazy sod has had ample opportunity to pick up his stuff and each and every time for the rest of the month that he wants to use his xbox should serve as a reminder to him to put his stuff away.

Am I really being unfair? I don't know how else to solve this issue and could really do with DH being on board to help without me having to go batshit crazy on everyone to get them to pick up all of their stuff.

No. Not unfair at all. My only thought would be do Xbox's go away? DS has a computer and it lives on his desk so he wouldn't be putting it away.

I've been too soft with mine and it has come back to haunt me.

Gible, no not unfair at all! I wish more parents expected their kids to help around the house - we're raising a generation of lazy, over indulged, ingrates and it's a real worry ??

Mine don't have set tasks but tbh will generally help if I ask them to without too much of a whinge. Things like laying the table, putting washing away, tidying up

The 4 yr is struggling with the concept though...

No, the box doesn't go away but his other (!) consoles have drawers to go in and all the x box accessories have a home to go to. And his tv remote doesn't live on the floor!

I remember deliberately messing up washing up when I was a child. I hoped it would mean Mum gave up and took over, but she was smarter than that. She said it's obvious I need more practice, so I had to wash up ALL THE TIME for a whole week, until she was satisfied it was perfect.

That cured me!

My kids are 2 and 3 and I have them do clean up. There is a sticker chart and three stickers earns them a treat of their choice like a play date. My son gets ice cream every single time!

I think as they get older it will translate into privileges being removed. Want to watch a movie then keep your room clean and tidy for a week. That sort of thing.

My son always did his chores, he washed up, made the table etc and he had started to ask to be taught how to use the washing machine so he could start washing some of his clothes. His suggestion, bless him. He was 12.

My dd is 5 and she does some chores, she helps fold clothes, makes the table up, tidies her room, makes her bed in the morning, strips her bed once a week so I can change it etc. Not too much for a 5 year old in my opinion, and she's always happy to do it! I did think about doing a chart for her but she's that good at it that she doesn't think twice about doing it.

I think it's the nature of the fact they are your dc, that they need nagging / try to get away with as little as possible / feel HUGE resentment at being asked to do a sibling's job whilst sibling isn't there.

Any 'shared' job in our house has had to be on a strict rota basis, so the other see it's "fair".

It's interesting though, now eldest is away at University, how much he does there, and how tidy his room is , and how he told me off for putting a pan down on the side (so I could eat my dinner hot and help wash up afterwards) as he said he'd suggested they all wash their pans up immediately. Me -->

I think it shows it is all going in, they just "relax" when at home. when I still have to nag.

It might seem unfair that Jack does Anna's job when she's not here but she does his when he isn't so it is still fair.

Not real names, changed to protect the guilty.

It's annoying as their job list is not long at all. I'm sick of the running around after them with their bad attitudes. Appreciation goes a long way. Yesterday I asked DS what it was worth for me to empty the dishwasher as it was his day. He thought and said 60p. I told him I meant a cuddle. DH said he'd take the money! DS and I enjoyed our cuddle and there was no stropping or resentment. DS is very cuddly before anything thinks I shouldn't demand hugs.

My children (almost 16 and 14) help clean the house every weekend, cook about once a week and otherwise are expected to pitch in with helping cooking and clearing up. They also do their own washing. Their rooms are their own responsibility. They are generally pretty messy! Every now and then they get made to clean them up.

Generally so long as they have advance warning they are fairly good about housework. ds can get stroppy, but he knows that it's not negotiable so he doesn't complain too much. Most of their contributions started about two years ago when dh went back to work (he was a SAHD before that), and they know that it's part of the deal that gives us more money and them more opportunities. One thing that makes it easier for us is that our children are very close in age so we can simply split jobs up. The 'it's not fair' thing would make me very irritated but I woudl also expect a 14 year old to do much more than a 9 year old.

The nine year old moans less. Their jobs are identical but with three not going equally into the amount of jobs the older ones have one job on their chart more than the younger but they get the same amount of days with just one job or two.