First time aunty, unsure of what to do...

[TatlerAunty]

Hello,

First time doing anything like this and completely in the blue with anything to do with babies. My brother has had a baby, a beautiful little girl. I'm not a natural maternal woman, although I love children.

Being in the city and not having any friends that have children, I feel like a spare part, unsure of the right thing to say, do, buy or act. i really want to be helpful without over-stepping the mark, but at the same time have no idea.

What should I do to help my brother and my sister-in-law? What would be truly useful, what things should I buy that both mother and baby will really appreciate. And more importantly, what do you lovely mums think are good qualities in an aunty?

Can you cook? Cook up meals for them that can be frozen and reheated so they can eat well. or money for takeaways, there is just no time for cooking in the early days.

Show enthusiasm about the little things the baby does as she develops and show sympathy when it is hard. Don't be judgemental when it goes wrong.

ask them what they need before buying something, fill in the gaps around what other people have bought.

My brother had no idea what he was doing when my dd was born, but he loves her to pieces and that was more than enough.

It's obvious you care, you will do a grand job as an aunty :)

Oh and when you visit, don't expect them to wait on you. If possible bring cake and make the tea/coffee. Doing a bit of washing up wouldn't hurt either!!

When older offer to babysit , read books to her and take her for walks take time to listen and play with her and establish a good relationship . I adore my nieces and now my sister is doing the same with mine !!

Thank you ladies. I really appreciate your help. What sort of things do you think I could gift them with. I don't want to buy things that's everyone else is, but also nothing that's too out of the ordinary either? X

Maybe buy the baby a few books? Anything with bright colours or sounds. Sure they won't be used right away but my little boy is 8 weeks and we've just started reading to him.
Alternatively try a Lamaze toy (google them) we clip ours to the pushchair when out and about or to the headrest in the car for our LO to look at .

My sister is an amazing first auntie! She did my housework for me,cooked,told me I was an amazing mum! It really made a difference as I didn't have any other family do this and it's scary having a new baby! My best gifts were the Wonder weeks book,baby books which make noise that instantly stops my DS crying! Wooden train spelling his name and to stick to door of the nursery,(Jojo maman bebe) v nice gifts and anything manhattan toy and jelly fish teddys! Hope this helps :-)

Have a look for something personalised on Not On the High Street?
Not wanting to blow my own trumpet lie but I think I've been a great Aunty! My niblings are teenagers now (the eldest is the same age I was when he was born, 18, aaargh) but when they were little being fab was mainly babysitting related and "being there", just having someone else there is sometimes a great help. In the very early days food, help cleaning, taking the baby for an hour whilst they sleep/eat/shower are all good. When they were a bit older I used to have them over night (my sister had three very close together with 16 and 15 month gaps) which was knackering but really appreciated. When I took care of them I tried to keep everything the same as when their parents were there, same routine, no packing them full of sweets etc and I know they were grateful for that.
I used to get a few raised eyebrows when i said that I loved my sister's children as my own, a few people suggested that when i had my own my view would change but it hasn't. I'm fairly sure that my sister feels the same about ds, she's been amazing since I had him (he's 16 months) and doing very similar things. Especially the babysitting.

I was gifted a basket with essentials In it. Wipes, some nappies, babygro, socks, cream, bath items, nail clippers, thermometer, chocolate (this is a must), snack bars, a book, hand cream and some other little pieces which I was grateful for.
Just being there tidying up, doing some washing, bringing some frozen meals over would be a great help, just being moaned at about hard it all is or maybe it was just me haha and watching baby so mum can grab some food, shower, nap.

Take round take away cups, and put the kettle on. The mother will be constantly feeding and probably too nervous to drink hot liquid over her baby (they sell them in Starbucks and Costa). This also keeps the drink warm.

Take biscuits and a pot dish with all the sides e.g bolognaise, dried pastA.

Say how amazing the child is and always always say what a great job they're doing.

My siblings are first time aunties and uncles and have been fantastic, my sister in particular. Lots of good advice above. Make drinks and lunch, take some cake and do the washing up!

I received a box of baby things like towels, muslins, basics such as vests, infacol, calpol. It really helped and no one else had thought of it.

If the baby has already been born, they might have lots of the basics. It might be better to try and get a 'useful luxury' - Aden & Anais swaddles (giant muslins) are beautiful and come in lots of patterns. I used mine every day and have bought them for friends and family since. Alternatively something like Ewan the dream sheep or Sophie le giraffe (Google them!) if they don't already have them. Jellycat soft toys are good for newborns if you want to get something like that but they will probably get lots.

A nice hand cream or gift for the mum is always welcome and some fruit or easy to eat food - homemade flapjacks maybe if she is breastfeeding? And something nice for your brother, super dad socks or something fun maybe. There is a book called Safe Baby Handling Tips which he/they might find funny.

Most of all your time and care and interest - it's hard to know just how crazy the newborn time is and everyone handles it differently. Ask what is most useful to do when you visit, some people are delighted to hand the baby over for a bit, others would rather not let go - in which case you can put the kettle on or open the cakes.

Oh and final tip - don't wear strong perfume when you visit. Congrats on being an Aunty

I'd focus on giving them your time rather than gifts. As others have said, cook meals, make tea, help with chores etc.

Maybe ask them if there is anything they really need that they might not have bought yet eg a sling/baby carrier. If you buy clothes aim for bigger sizes.

It can be hard with babies (I'm a mother and I still don't really feel comfortable holding babies) but from 6 mths onwards they're a bit more sturdy and you'll be able to play/keep them occupied.
Once the baby is sleeping through do offer to babysit (ie watch tv while baby sleeps) so they get the odd night out.

And there's no law that you have to like babies/children (I was never that bothered to be honest). You're doing it for your brother/sister in law. Its nice if you end up close to your niece but not the end of the world if you don't.

Gift ideas;

Infacol
Dummies
Swaddle wrap
M&S dine in meal
Cleaner visit/voucher
cook vouchers/meals www.cookfood.net/
Cake
Sweets
Fruit
Graze Box
Chocolate
Nice non alco drinks
Netflix subscription

I've just had a baby girl, In terms of gifts, I'd go for something pretty but practical for 0-3 months (asda have some lovely baby girl stuff at the moment - play suits are great) some accessories - pretty socks - everyone forgets socks, sun hat, baby headbands if they are girly, some extra large Muslins (they are awesome) and maybe some new mum bubble bath and most definitely cake! Alternatively, a mother care gift voucher if you are not comfortable choosing. Just being a doting, interested aunty is all you need to be, you'll be great

Thank you all so so much. It's scary when a baby arrives and you have absolutly no idea on what to do/say. I have really taken your advice! M&S meals were a great hit

For me the best things would be offering to watch baby for an hour now and again, or babysitting for an evening when they are a few months older. And cake. Every time you visit.

As for presents, it really does depend what they have already. We were given so many small size clothes that DD grew out of some of them before they had even been worn (young babies grow very quickly). We also ended up with over a dozen pairs of baby socks and who knows how many muslins.

I would second PP's suggestion of Ewan sheep and Sophie giraffe. Or look online at Etsy for all sorts of beautiful handmade things.

Another idea is baby photos - either take a few nice ones yourself or get your brother to send you their favourites, then get them printed and framed. Alternatively, get a good collection of baby photos (sleeping, in the bath, with your DB and SIL, with you, etc) and put together one of those photo books. These are things that new parents just don't have the time or energy to do. If you want to spend up, you could buy them a session with a professional baby photographer.

Offer to take the baby out for a walk in the pram so the mum / dad can have a chance to shower or just have quiet time. Don't be offended if they say no - new parents can be a funny lot!

When DDs were about 4 and 20 months my sisters bought me a cleaner for a few months for my birthday, it was amazing :) Second previous messages of offering to help/cook/clean etc.

The other thing I'd say is I think my sister has this image of being an aunty who DDs confide in, and go to her with stuff they wouldn't talk to me about. They're 6 and 7 and obviously love her loads but I'm not sure they'd particularly turn to her with problems etc. I think if she wants that to happen she needs to invest the time in really properly getting to know them, so taking them out for the day without me there and so on (they're lovely company by themselves). That's something she never does, so my advice would be as your niece gets older make sure you get to know her as a person in her own right.

Neither of my sisters have kids and I really wish they did, you're very lucky to be an aunty, congrats and enjoy it!!