Suddenly a sahm of a 2 year old. Help please!

[Rinkydinkypink]

I want to work, I love to work but at the moment I'm redundant and a sahm until I find more work. 2 dc, a lively 20 month old and another at infants so I have school run to consider.

I'm not a natural sahm. I'm not good at doing it and I don't find my dc endlessly fascinating. Love my dc very much however I need adults, space and stimulation. Dc, housework and cooking 24/7 is frustrating and I feel trapped. Mentally I struggle with depression and anxiety, being at home doesn't help with this. I'm much better working a few days a week but I can't speed up finding a job.

Money is tight and I'm the main carer due to dh's hours which are long.

So how do I do this? I'm researching toddler groups but very scared of going to any. Trying to set out a timetable of events for me and dc to keep occupied.

How do you fill in your days?

Definitely go to toddler group - you'll meet other mums there. Sorry you feel down.

I'm making a timetable of groups near me to try and have one everyday I can go to if I need to.

Get out every morning for some kind of activity. Story time at library, toddler group (music, Playgroup etc), swimming etc. That way the morning is sorted, then it's lunch and nap if you're still doing those.

Then the afternoon is killed with housework, pottering around, park etc.

You have to be brave, just go to toddler groups and talk to other Mums. Then invite people for coffee and cake - always a winner!

When people say it's hard being a sahm, that's not just because it can be cripplingly dull and repetitive and physically draining, but for reasons like yours. You are not alone. I reckon there are actually far more women out there who feel like you, than who absolutely love every minute of being a sahm.

With this in mind, just go out there and do whatever you want to do with your kids. You don't have to join five different groups only to find you don't fit in and hate your life even more. By trial and error one will work well enough. Then just have the courage of your convictions and do whatever you want, or nothing if that's what you want. Don't do more than the housework you can bear. No need to bake and be jolly: your kids are tiny, they are the epitome of jolly.

Relax. It will be fine. Honestly, you might even come to enjoy it!

My DH attends a playgroup 4 days a week because, even though he loves being a SAHP (I don't, so I understand your feelings), it would drive him crazy to be in the house all the time. Yesterday he went to the supermarket, went to the local playgroup, then it lunch and a nap, followed by play date at a friend's house (who we met through NCT), before coming to pick me up from work. Today he says he's going to have a 'quiet day' which means a playgroup and the park.

Hi yes u need to spread your week out. Meeting moms is a good idea as u start to get invites to park or homes as friends help children play (longer quieter) - its just as nerve racking as starting a new job so think of it like that - deep breath and go for it. Maybe pop your head in for 10 mins to start with? U will also meet the local child minders which is great when u get a job.

What everyone else said!
Toddler group or some other little outing in the morning then lunch and "quiet time" That takes you to school pick up time and then its all down hill till evening.
Gives the day shape and allows you to talk to grown ups.

Toddlers is hard, so so hard, so don't under estimate it! Wear something mildly passable, maybe have a shower and wash your hair, I found this made me more confident!
Also, try and make sure you say hi! And loiter to anyone who looks at you, if they strike up a conversation then amazing! If not give it a go, or just move on to someone else.

Once you've found a group with people who talk to you (and maybe don't expect that to be the first group you try) then ask some of the friendly ones which other groups are on.. And build up!
I'm very much in the same situation as you, history of crippling depression, can't afford to work, so grinding along at home. If it's been 'one of those' mornings then having a toddler group you can go 'fuck it, get in the car..' With is amazingly helpful, and I've actually managed to build up a support network through them!

Other than that, make sure you get out of the house at least twice a day. Once before lunch, and once after! Anywhere, mine yesterday was a walk to the park with a football and Asda in the afternoon!

Good luck!

(Sorry that got so huge!)

I think you're a bit deluded if you think most sahms find their children relentlessly fascinating :) :) ... I'm a sahm and I have days where I literally want to stick my head in a bucket of cement. I always worked up to having my second child but for various reasons we've decided that I'm going to be a sahm. Mostly I do enjoy it but I have to make sure we have a really good routine - out every morning, park or soft play or something else (never really liked toddler groups but everyone's different) - home for lunch and then nap and then play at home in the afternoon. I also do my own things a lot too - I enjoy coming on here, reading up all kinds of stuff on the pc when ds nap (I love politics and news and history so read a lot of that stuff). I also draw and do a lot of that too. I have to have something for "me" squeezed in there too.

You don't have to be Mary Poppins. :)

I'm a SAHM at the moment and I really have to get out of the house every day to keep me sane.
I go to the library for rhyme time and look at books, playgroups and park.
Practice your small talking skills.
At playgroup it was often 'oh that's a cute top your child has on' 'what's this playgroup like? Can you recommend any others/any activities in the area?'
I love being outdoors so I actually enjoy taking dd for a walk in the woods and to local country parks.
Also do what you enjoy doing. If you fancy going to an art gallery or exhibition, take your toddler along.
I keep the radio on and sometimes listen to an audio book downloaded from the library when I'm at home with the toddler.
I'm also very relaxed about letting dd watch cbbeebies while I have a cup of coffee or get on with some chores.

Thank you everybody! It really helps. I need to get over the mother guilt of actually wanting to work. It makes me feel like a really bad parent.

So far today we walked to and from school, played in the garden and I've just found songs on YouTube for her . She loves it and is dancing along nicely. She's never watched cbeebies or kids tv and she's nearly 2! Mr Tumble seems to be going down very well.

Sorry about your job, hope something else comes along soon. In the meantime surviving being a SAHM is much easier if you do some toddler groups/activities every day. Toddler groups are a bit of a mixed bag, some are a bit cliquey, others are great but you only know when you go!
Focus on the positives. There are distinct benefits to being at home, probably the biggest being you can do more or less as you wish at whatever pace you wish. I can't remember the last time I had to rush out.
You need a break in the day. I used to feel very bad using some of ds's nap time to have a cuppa and mn but a short break in the day will keep you sane.
Like pp have said we have a sort of routine;
Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays we do toddler groups in the morning, back for lunch then nap. Then park, library or cafe with other mums before home for tea. After tea is the hardest part of the day for me so we have half an hour of Bing Bunny whilst I have a coffee then walk to the station to meet dp (ds is only 16 months so walking in the street is still a novelty). Mondays and Fridays I either do a day out somewhere, meet friends, a shopping day if we need stuff or a cleaning day.
I can't help you with the guilt I'm afraid. You get that either way, I sometimes feel terrible that ds is stuck with me all day and missing out on nursery.

Go tho playgroups, library, parks ( it is spring after all).
Do you have a plan to return to work?

I'm looking for a job.

Apologies. Somehow i was under the impresion that you wanted to return to work.

I'd try all the groups you possibly can. Some will be rubbish and clicky others will be more welcoming and friendly. I have three groups I go to almost every week (all free or donation) and I plan the rest of my week around that, one is rhymetime at our local library. I often meet friends with older dc in the park after school, I find 3/4pm until dinner time difficult sometimes if I stay in the house.

Our soft play has a free until three one day a week so we often spend a couple of hours there usually have lunch as it's free. We can also spend a few hours just mooching around town. Feeding the ducks, going to swings or the park, we have a nice cafe in our town with a huge space for kids to play and tea and toast is cheap too.

Pretty much what everyone has said, make sure you get out of the house at least once a day. Toddler groups are fun, but hard at first, I see it as some thing you go to so you can meet a coup!e of friends you can then later meet for play dates. (at home, their place etc)

And make their routine work for you I. e. if baby sleeps at lunch time, make sure you are home at lunch time so they can sleep in their cot and you can have some down time.

If its raining go to soft play, the supermarket, library. It doesn't have to necessarily be a place for kids, my son loves the supermarket. If its nice, get outside and let them run around.

It's hard though, I work full time whilst DS is at nursery, and the weekends are more exhausting. Make sure your DH gives you a break too

P.S. Don't feel guilty! It's more normal than you think to want a life outside kids, not everyone is an Earth Mother, thank god!