How did you decide to have a second child

[Sarah2519]

Exactly what is says above...
Did you worry about spending less time with child 1 and missing out on watching them grow and develop because you had someone else to look after too?

My dd is 16 months old and parenting has been harder than I ever thought and I am not sure I am SAHM material so I exhaust myself working full time with a teacher dh who has little time to help outside school holidays (even though it was my dream growing up to be a SAHM)
I have always seen myself with 2 and having a sister myself I want dd to get to joy of having a sibling but now I'm starting to think of maybe ttc by the end of the year I am starting to overthink the impact it will have on everyone.
I think some of it is how overwhelmed I am with the love I have for dd that I can't imagine loving anything else as much and I don't want to be taken away from her yet I think having a second would be lovely too.

How did people weigh up all the ideas of second children to come to a decision?

Do you remember before you had your DD that you had no idea how much you would love her? Even if you thought you knew, when she arrived it was 1000x more than you thought possible? Well, the same will be true of any future baby! You can't imagine it now, but your capacity to love is not limited and finite - it will grow and expand to include any new baby.

I look at my DS and how amazing and fab he is, and I think - wouldn't it be fantastic to have that all over again and create another amazing little person? I don't see that it would take me away from my DS, as we would all be in it together as one family. It would bring lots of different opportunities that he wouldn't have otherwise, and it might also bring challenges, but those would be learning opportunities too. In my way of thinking, I wouldn't be "taken away" from my DS at all, I would be there as I am now, just a bit busier with an extra family member!

It may seem a long way away but it won't be long before your DD is 3 and perhaps at pre-school part time, then at 4 she'll be in Reception for five days a week. The intense full time relationship you have at the moment with your DD will gradually begin to change. There would be plenty of room for a little one!

We just didn't think about it that much. I suppose that's not technically true, we always wanted two children (maybe three??-still very much under discussion), we both love our siblings and want one for ds etc but in the end we just doggedly stuck to plan A and got pregnant again when ds was 10 months old before the fear really set in. We were in some sort of sleep deprived haze! The way I see it the Hard Part which I found a bit overwhelming was new born and that's relatively short lived but you're parents forever.
I don't worry about loving dd (I'm 27 weeks) as I already do. Being pregnant feels different for me this time as I know what dd will mean to me, how much I'll love her because of ds, when I was pregnant with him he felt weirdly abstract.
I worry about the logistics of having two but it'll be ok. It sort of has to be now! I think ds will be a bit put out for a bit and we're making plans to keep him busy, loved and involved and he does get a sibling in return! We can afford two and that's obviously key, when we talk of having three the money becomes much more pivotal. I'm a SAMH so the financial "hit" has already been taken for the early years but three teenagers are very expensive, my sister had her three very close together and at one point was spending £200 per month on music lessons alone. That's something to think about too.

I read on here that the love you have for your dc is like a flame. If you light a second candle, the first flame still burns as brightly.

We decided one day to ttc and dtd that night and fell pregnant. There was no time for wondering.

Now we have a 6mo and a 3.3yo and the hardest times were during my pregnancy. The first trimester I was exhausted and pretty much out of action, and the last month I was no use to anyone. It is sooooo much easier now they are both around.

I work ft time (well, I go back in three weeks), as even though I envisaged SAHMing, turns out im not very good at it. My DH is a TA so he at least does all the childcare in the holidays (in as much as you can when its your own dc). Ive really enjoyrd this mat leave as DC1 and I have loved spending so much time together.

Thanks everyone. I think I have focused too much on having less time with dd not the whole having a new sibling for her to enjoy and the new adventure as a family.
I hadn't though about the fact that as she grows and goes to school etc she will become more and more independent and the dynamics will change as well.
I know we are still a while off but it's nice to feel reassured that there is nothing to be concerned about.
I sometimes wish that we had ttc before the reality of parenting hit too although then I would prob be pregnant and in denial! Haha.

My two ds are 18 months apart (planned that way us crazy fools!). During my second pregnancy I felt bad for ds1 that his little world was going to change and i felt sad that I would have less time for him etc but funnily enough when my ds2 came along I found that the maternal instinct is so strong I found myself being much more protective over the little one! It's funny but you think there is a finite amount of love to give out but there isn't- it's amazing and I can truly says boys are my life and I love them both as much as one another! Having a second son has made our amazing little family into an even more amazing slightly bigger family and nothing is more heart warming than watching the two of them play together and forge their own little relationship. They are only aged one and two and a half but they love each other so so much -it's great would recommend it whole heartedly!