How to explain why they only have one set of grandparents

[Catdogwormfrog]

Have fallen out big time with pil. I don't think we'll see them again although despite our falling out we have said that they are always welcome to see the children.

I'm sad about this situation really but there is a lot of background to this dispute and I don't want to go on about it really.

I am sad that my children won't have two sets of grandparents but I am not particularly sad that they will have no contact with these people.

Anyway my questions are what do I say to the children about why they only have one set of grandparents? I don't want to lie and say they live far away etc.

Also, what age do you think they will start asking about why they only see one set of grandparents?

Has anyone been through similar.

I'd tell the truth but then I always do.

Will they ask? In my family we have the opposite situation - both DH and I come from blended families and so ds has effectively eight grandparents. Some he sees reasonably often, some he has only met twice. He's never really asked who they all are, many of the less present ones only tend to feature in his life when they've bought Lego!

I don't think they'll ask very many questions, it's not like everyone they know will have precisely four grandparents that they see frequently, which would be the likely trigger for them to ask. I'd be tempted just to say 'we don't see them often, everyone's busy' and leave it at that.

I think you have to tell them the truth, but in an age appropriate way.

My DP has no contact with his parents so they have never met our DC. DS (6) has asked recently about it, asking DP who his Mum and Dad are. DP has just been honest and said that sadly his parents weren't very nice and didn't care for him properly so we don't see them. DS seemed satisfied with this for now and we can explain in more detail as he gets older.

I would tell the truth, too. They will probably find out at some point, anyway.

We plan to say what basgetti said and expand in an age appropriate way. DH's counsellor advised that was best too, otherwise when they are much older there's a bigger chance of them wanting contact. Also even if, as adults, they do go on to have contact, then if they have been told shes not nice, then as teenagers about the emotional and financial blackmail and other nasty tatics MIL will use, they'll be more prepared and able to deal with it.

You do need to tell the truth in an age appropriate way. I think basgetti gives a good example.