Feeling detached from DD1 since DD2's birth :-(

[glowfrog]

I have a lovely and lively 3 year-old DD and now have a 3-week old DD2.

I was very tired and not able to do much in the last month or so but luckily DH was at home and was able to spend lots of time with DD1 and also since the birth.

Basically I now feel less close to DD1 and she seems to be turning to her dad for a lot of things.

I am probably complaining about nothing and maybe just "jealous" that DD1 is less dependent on me. :-D and also probably feeling guilty I have to pay so much attention to the new baby.

Anyone else had these feelings? Did things go back to "normal" after a while?

Yes, it is natural. It comes back.

It's very natural I actually found it quite difficult as ds1 preferred to be with anyone but me I felt like our special bond was broken it took quite a while to regain a bond but if I'm honest it's never been the same as it was before maybe this is just the way it is when you have more than 1 dc as you can't give yourself wholly to just 1 child. Try to do some things you did before just the 2 of you no baby no dh see if that's helps.

I had this too. I also suddenly started finding my DD (then aged 2.7) really irritating, all her normal toddler behaviour suddenly started to really grate on me. Looking back I think much of it was due to my tiredness. It got loads easier once we'd all settled into our new family set-up. Give yourself time.

It's normal. I remember see sawing between my dds after dd2 came along. I felt like I loved one or the other more for a few months, it was an odd time. But I can honestly say it calmed down, and I feel equally close to both of them, and the bond is definitely back.

It is very guilt inducing though, I know.

I had same. Started a thread on it here too! Felt I was always 'stuck' with DS2 while DP and DS1 had fun. I missed DS1 so much.
Now they are 2.8yo and 5mo and def easier now we're into the swing of things. I'm around much more that when I was working so ultimately DS1 is still spending loads of time with me. Plus he and DS2 have started interacting so much more and laughing and smiling at each other loads which helps.
DS1 comes into our room now and goes straight to give DS2 a cuddle. So much for our bond

Feeling the same. Dd 2.6 and ds 3 months. It's getting better since dh has been much busier at work lately and it has been just me and the kids and ds sleeping better has helped lots too. But I often feel sad. Dd fell over and hurt herself and only daddy would do. I nearly cried.

I'm going through something similar. DS1 has always favoured DH, so not a massive change for me in that respect. But as DS1 is such a physical little boy, DH took on a lot more of looking after him during my pregnancy. So after birth of DS2, i suddenly felt a total lack of confidence in being able to look after DS1. Bearing in mind i was pregnant for nearly a third of DS1's life, that has quite an effect. But my strategy has just been to dive in and make sure i spend proper time with DS1, and make a big effort with him.

Thanks all - it's reassuring! DD1 is being so sweet with her sister so far... Hopefully it'll all settle down soon.

Very normal. I have a ten week old and found it really tough on my relationship with dd1 as we were so close. We're starting to find new ground now and a way of working together again now the dust has settled and rebuilding things a bit. It does get easier. X

Very normal, this happened to us too. First 3 months of DC2s life, DC1 only wanted Daddy, only he would do. I couldn't even tuck her into bed. It all came back once I was able to put baby down for more than 5 minutes. They are now 4 and 2, and as someone said above, I have months where I see-saw between feeling the connection better with one than the other, and sometimes I have pangs of regret where if had stuck with just one DC then she would get my attention 100%. But then I see the two of them playing together and I know how important that sibling link is. They are so happy with each and love each other. And have somehow learned that Mum is "shared" and are content with it, if that makes sense..

Yes, losing that ability to be 100% with DD1 was probably the one thing that made me think hard about having another child. I hope I'll find time over the years to give bursts of that again.

i think its normal. as they get older it will chop and change who you feel the most bonded with at any one time. According to who is neediest, who is being cutest, who is being less of a pita etc etc. It always changes. Of course you feel most bonded to your newborn. That is a normal biological reaction to stop you throwing them out the window with exhaustion and craziness, not because something has gone wrong with your relationship with your big girl