Phd and ttc - should we go for it?

[Charlie52]

Hi All,

I posted in conception but thought here may be a good idea as you ladies are students. DP and I have talked about having kids and we both agreed there were things we wanted to do beforehand - things like learn to drive, move to a bigger house, get married, holiday abroad, DP get a better job. Most of the things we said we wanted to do, we have or will have done in the next few months. We're getting married soon and will be going abroad for our honeymoon so that's two things in one. We're moving in July and I've just passed my driving test and bought a car. DP's also just about to start a better job. We're wondering now if, in the next few months, we should start trying. We're both quite young (25 & 26) but we feel like by waiting, we'd just be waiting for the sake of it because other people think we should. The one thing holding us back is I'm in my first year of a four year PhD but my research council is great for funding and gives 6 months full paid maternity leave with the option of an additional 6 months unpaid. With the job market the way it is and the joys of postdoc positions (not to mention the hrs being just as bad at post doc), we've no idea when we'll next have the guarantee of such a good maternity pay.

I seriously can't think of any other reason to wait. DP has a 5 year old from his previous relationship and DP's ex had a baby last year which DSS loves to bits so I think he'd be just fine with us having one. I'm soo broody and so is DP. The thought of being responsibly for this tiny human being is both terrifying and exciting at the same time.

I'm in the sciences so not possible to work from home but I figure whether at phd level and postdoc (or industrial work) I'll still be working in the lab all day. I've previously worked in industry and tbh that was just exhausting. It'd be good to hear from other student parents though.

If it's what you want,go for it, don't be put off by what other people think you 'should' do. I'd say with the fact that your DP has a child already that's a very good reason to get cracking (which is what my friend did when she got together with her DP and it worked out well for her).
The mat leave situation with the research council is also a vg reason. Is there any way you can time it so you get as much data in as possible prior to going on mat leave and then have writing up/analysis post-baby?

ha post-baby post-doc. I meant once the baby is born!

Mme, well I had a one year old when I started then had DD in my second year. It's a bit different as it's a professional doctorate, but.... It is possible to do. Upsides are that I did my training at the same time as the babyhood phase (when many get side tracked career wise, take time out, work part time etc). So I'm now emerging with a new career and both in school whilst other mums are having to get back into the jobs market.. Downsides, it's been exhausting, you have to be doggedly determined and really organised and on it. You will need a super supportive dp and friends family to help out. It's the extra bits (conferences, getting some teaching experiences etc) that eat up your time. Helps if u are a night owl too (work when kids in bed when old enough to have settled sleep). Oh, and it may take longer ...

Yes, yes yes!

I did it and my PhD was in science too and a 4 year one. Most people thought it was an accident that was really funny.

It was the best thing ever. I had my main result in before baby was born and took a whole year off. Then just picked things up and finished. I had to plan experiments carefully to be able to to pick my child up on time. It was helpful that my husband is not a researcher but it seems yours is neither. I reserved a day for long experiments but as I said I was lucky to have had my main results in.

I get the feeling you really want to do it especially as you already researched maternity options ;-) The only downside for me is that our second child was born a few weeks after my viva and so I never searched for a job and I don't have anywhere to go back to now. I am just about to look casually for research positions so will be able to update in a few month time.

Good luck and all the best with ttc.

Oh and also yes to why would phd work be so different from any other work to be put on hold. I was honest with my supervisor who told me that the main problem is that unlike a "real" job noone picks your work up while you are away. It is a good point as someone can publish your work in the mean time so depends on the speed of your filed. I am still quite sure you can always find some aspects of your project which are still new and work on those.

Oh and my supervisor turned out to be really helpful and supportive despite telling me straight not liking the idea but that it was my own choice.

Do you mind me asking a question though? What was so bad in industry? I worked in industry before and didn't like it due to various resons but that was in another country and it was manufacturing rather than research not even development. I am just thinking of looking for jobs in industry, but would like to enjoy it. I loved my PhD I love doing research. Should I stay in academia or is it able to enjoy research in industry too?

Thank you so much all for your replies.

ReturnfromtheStars industry is not a problem but the industry I worked for was manufacturing and so my work involved quality control - both sample testing and method development. It was rather tedious and not something I wanted to be stuck in long term. Any research industry requires (at least in my local area) a phd. In some ways I think industrial research is better than academia. The majority of the people I know working in academia work ridiculously long hours, 70 hr weeks are not unusual and most put their research before family. Each to their own but personally I couldn't so that, no matter how enjoyable my research is. Industry on the other hand tends to have fixed hours and only when things go wrong would you work longer (conferences aside) - which personally I think is better for organising childcare whether that be with family / friends or professional childcare.

hettie that's a really good point about the extra bits, I'd not considered that. That said, my industry friends also have conferences so I guess I'd find a way.

Interesting point about timing research. The field I'm currently in is little explored thus far but may change over the next few years. There are other avenues I could take in terms of my research but it's definitely something I need to consider.

Oh dear I re-read my post and it sounded really bad of course having my second child was no downside at all - quite the opposite, it was the downside of the whole choice of becoming a parent during PhD.

Thanks for info about industry that's reassuring.

Don't worry return I knew what you meant :) Also with industry, I was still doing my first degree at the time so I had to fit in studying as well as working a 40 hr a week job - I think that was the most exhausting part rather than the actual job itself. Can I ask, did you find any issues with being in the lab when pregnant? I don't want to find myself in the situation where most of my maternity leave is used up when pregnant due to hazardous chemicals in the lab and not being able to do any lab work.

I was lucky to have a tiny lab for myself and a project with mostly aqueous ingredients. A good pregnancy risk assesment is crucial but I was mostly worried about others as I knew I was working safely myself. Sadly that is an existing problem in big uni labs that are always a few who just don't care about safety. You can try to make people aware when you are pregnant so hopefully the careless ones will be told off. Or try to work with post-docs rather than PhD-s and avoid undergrads ;-) Sorry that sounds bad and of course most undergrads and phds are sensible but definitely not all! By now you probably already know who to trust and who to avoid in that respect.

That's probably a disadvantage about pregnancy during PhD rather than later in a safer lab. However some postdocs work in the same labs anyway.

I also knew people who worked with more hazardous materials than I did (safely of course) and their babies are fine :)