Do you tell your DCs what the budget for their birthday presents is?

[BucketFullOfDinosaurs]

Had a conversation earlier with DH, who was heading out to buy himself birthday presents from his mum. I asked what his budget was, and he looked at me like I was mad. He has no idea how much his mum spends on him at birthdays or Christmas. I found this a bit odd - when my mum still bought me birthday presents, she would say to me that I should go out and pick things, and give a rough idea of how much she planned to spend.

This got me thinking: as children (secondary school age), my sister and I usually picked what we wanted for birthdays from our grandparents. We were always told the maximum amount that it could cost (basically we got the Argos catalogue and filled in the form to hand to Granny!). I think it taught us a lot about budgeting, deciding what we really wanted etc. Sometimes we would club together and get a big joint present; other times one of us wanted to do that but the other didn't, so we had to negotiate it. We also understood that some things are just beyond budget; if we really wanted them we could maybe get a joint birthday/Christmas gift.

I'm not sure how much this applied to presents from our parents, but I'm fairly sure we had a budget in mind there as well. We certainly understood that we couldn't just ask for a load of expensive stuff and expect to get it.

This was all completely unheard of for DH; he would have had no idea how much his parents/GPs spent, and he basically just provided a list of what he wanted and hoped for the best.

I just wondered what other families do. This is a good bit away for our DCs, but I would definitely like to teach them good money management and budgeting when they're older.

I either give a list to people (only if they ask) or people give money on my birthday. I'll do the same with my baby.

I have never been told to buy myself a gift from anyone yet in my life, I'm 32! I don't mind if people buy a gift worth £5 or £50 though as I dont 'expect' one or the other, though of course DH would spend more money on me than a friend would, and my MiL is more likely to get me something generic while my DM would know more what I like because we talk every day. I suppose what I would teach DS is that a gift isn't about the money spent and he should accept them as they are and happily because someone thought to buy him it. Because I don't think gift giving is a way to teach budgeting and money management, and he may well love a 'cheaper' gift more than an expensive one anyway, so I don't see the point in hammering home how much it cost. I will probably tell him not to ask for anything particular for his birthday to anyone but DH and I, so if he really wants something expensive we can decide what to get him. Ive just never had this in my family, my grandmothers were very poor and dependant on state pension (and I had 22 cousins!) so we all just got a token gift anyway.

My dcs are teens and get a budget. They are the only people I ever buy for.

Also I think when there is a discrepancy in budget between Grandparebts it could get tricky, how do negotiate it? You certainly can't tell a child one set of Grandparents can spend X amount and the other can spend more, I'd be uncomfortable with that. Although my DM buys DS loads more than DH's mother does because that's the way she is, she sees stuff and impulse buys, whereas DH's mother is of a more affluent but less indulgant background so she won't buy him as much. I just don't think gift buying is about budget, and if DS asked for something wildly expensive to someone who clearly wasn't going to spend that on him, the adults would know we wouldn't expect it, and he'd just have to learn that you don't always get everything you ask for

I have this year with my older children. As for grandparents my DM buys presents with no discussion on the value and DH's mum sends money, which she has done for years and DC know they get £20 off her so they can buy something or save it.

This year I bought presents without their knowledge for DS2 (4) and DD2 (8). For DD1's birthday (13) I told her how much she had to spend so she could choose between a riding stables day and a smaller present, or a larger present.

I think it's a good thing that children learn to budget and understand there is a limit and my DC would never ask for anything from other people. Even when I ask them what they would like they struggle to choose.

I'm in 2 minds about this. My sister talks (moans) about money a lot with her children and my eldest nieces are obsessed with how much things cost and who had the most spent on them. I don't think I want to go down that route with my two.

It seems like a bit of a joyless and mercenary way of approaching presents imo, budget or no budget. We just... buy the dc a present! Either something we know they'd like, or something they've mentioned they might like. Same with extended family - people might ask if you have any ideas of types of things you'd like, but being sent off to pick it yourself doesn't seem quite right somehow - requires no thought or effort on the part of the giver!

Interesting comment about different budgets from different grandparents. I really don't remember my dad's mum ever buying us anything - I think she always just gave us money. Mum's parents always bought presents, and spent more than the amount of money our other granny gave us. I don't think we ever really noticed, though. We accepted that different people had different budgets, I think, and we were always grateful for both.