Advice regarding Letter to the head/innapropriate behaviour.

[ihatelego]

Hi, I've posted before about this so a quick summary - My DS is in reception and since around february we have learnt that one of his friends has been acting innapropriately with him. DS told me and DP that this boy tries to pull his trousers and pants down to look at his bum and then we learnt he'd been watching him in the toilets as well.

Have been speaking with teachers but as they havn't seen it happening they've asked me to submit in writing what DS has told me as a form of evidence for the head. It's sensitive as well because DS is having a circumcision at the end of this month.

I'd just like some advice please what's the best way to do these letters do I just keep it facts of what my son has said/dates or should i include how he feels about it/my concerns etc? brief summary or 2 pages worth, there's been about 5 times DS has reported incidents but some of these were "he keeps" so has been happening quite a lot!

you need to get the facts across but also your concerns. so I would open with a paragraph outlining the content of the letter. next have all of the accounts written factually. date, location, what happened. then a paragraph finishing with your concerns. This means the actual facts aren't biased with your opinion of it but you also get your voice heard. I would also ask in the letter for them to confirm in writing what course of action the school will be taking and ask what would they like you to do to support this? that way it comes across supportive but assertive too.

good luck!

You need to be prepared for them to separate information relating to the alleged perpetrator and your child's welfare.

In relation to the child, you can only ask that they confirm they are following the borough's safeguarding processes and to have a copy.

But you can also ask for detailed information about how they are intending to protect your son, support in place for the teacher and general safeguarding of all the children.

I know you are not likely to,but please don't discuss outside the headteacher, teacher and your son's father.

thank you for the advice mrsck that sounds ideal thank you so much i just couldn't get straight in my head the best way to lay it out so really appreciate your help.

becles ok thank you, the action so far has been circle time and monitoring/accompanying my son to the toilets and they have suggested the doors are raised also, it's been a bit of a difficult one ie, is it serious or just a curious boy but glad they are taking it seriously as my ds doesn't like it! no I don't don't worry the only one i've worried about is if i should mention it to the boy's mum as we speak regularly but atm i'm hoping the school can resolve it quickly.

I know this seems unusual but I have actually headed of several incidents like this occurring in schools. It will be sorted I'm sure.

Something similar happened with my ds, I rang youth services myself (it came out when they was off school for 2 weeks & I didn't want to wait until back at school ) . It was a horrendous experience social worker came out to my house to speak to me 1st then they went into school to speak to ds alone. I felt like it was me who'd done something wrong they looked around the house checked his bedroom asked who ds was in contact with alone ie grandparents Dad aunties uncle's family friends etc. I rang them initially because I was worried about the other child wondering what he was seeing hearing or experiencing to be doing such things, given my experience I'm not sure I'd do the same again I felt like what ds had told me this other child had done was completely dismissed and that he must've got these ideas from an adult in his own family.
As for school they really did not want to know and tried to brush it under the carpet. The said child was known as a problem child in the class the head told me not to listen to playground gossip about him (there had been a couple of previous disturbing incidents with this child and other children in the class) told her I was listening to what my child said no one else.
Make sure your child knows what's happening is wrong obviously without frightening him so if possible he can stay out of his way or yell the teacher if it happens again and more importantly he doesn't think it's ok to do it to another child. If youth services do get involved be prepared for them to investigate your dc home life too

Just to add this boy was putting his hands down my ds pants to touch his bits so very serious and concerning in my view. The child is no longer at the school now thank god!

wow that sounds awful thank god it was resolved in the end! I've talked to him about PANTS and he knows it's wrong, his personal areas etc he is friends with the boy and enjoys playing with him but when this happens he struggles to be assertive and often talks of being physically prevented from telling the teacher or gets worried.. i'm hoping the circumcision doesn't make the whole thing worse though as in being especially sensitive ideally i'd like a teacher or ta to see it happen so it can be properly addressed.