how can I learn to be a more effective parent?

[rhetorician]

I've two dds 6 and 3. They are lovely girls, but I just feel so ineffectual with them, and I can see that other parents have much better control over their children - e.g. they come when called, or stop when told to do so. Mine just ignore us and carry on regardless. We have simple rules and are fairly consistent about enforcing them: elder child is quite oppositional at times and refuses to listen when you tell her off (covers her ears and says "I'm not listening" etc. Infuriating. Or when you say "don't do x" she immediately does whatever you've just asked her not to do). Younger child is feisty and strong-willed, but clearly just follows her older sister's lead.

Not only are simply everyday operations a total pain, I do worry about them as they grow older.

Ideas?

Would you read books? I think finding a way they suits you and sticking to it regardless of what other people around you are doing helps too. I have things that I have to be quite strict about and it used to be quite hard when freinds were being more relaxed. Now I just carry on if I need to.

Divas and dictators is good, lot of positive things to try and forward planning/telling the DCs what you expect before you go.

I keep meaning to finish reading 'How to talk so children will listen and listen so children will talk', it comes really recommended.

I've also read loads of other books or dipped in and out, after a while you find methods that suit you.

Calmer easier happier parenting is a good book which addresses exactly that. One of the key points of the book is that 'cooperation' (doing what a trusted adult asks) is a key skill your children need - in order for home life to be pleasant, and also in order for them to learn other life skills. The book suggests various techniques to get there, the main one being descriptive praise.

There's a thread on Behaviour/development with lots of us trying to find a way through similar issues, if you fancy joining us?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/2307544-Come-and-be-a-Better-Parent-with-us-in-the-Virtual-Village