What to do with 2.7yr old dd who won't stay in bed

[Tillyboo]

My dd has just started getting out of bed at night. It starts as soon as the story and kiss goodnight ends. You can guarantee that within 2 mins we'll hear 'trip,trip,trip' across the landing and a little voice calling 'mummy, mummy'.
Last night we must have put her back to bed about 18 times before she finally dropped off to sleep with me sat in the chair next to her.
I'm wondering if she's got a bit of separation anxiety as she wants a light on and also during the day she'll say things like 'mummy not leave me'.
We've tried not talking to her as we put her back into bed but she gets very upset and say's 'I love you' as we go out the room. It's heartbreaking, I hate doing it but don't know what else to do. I know that the more attention we give her the more of a green light it is for her to keep getting out of bed but ignoring her doesn't seem to work either.
Has anyone had experience of this and have any suggestions of how to deal with it. Our dd is a very happy, well-balanced and normal secure little girl.
Someone is probably going to tell me it's just a phase but I want to make this phase as easy as possible for her as bedtime seems to be very upsetting for her at the moment.

Put a stairgate on her door, and a night light, hopefully she will play for a while, then get back into bed to sleep, all three of my children did this.

She ma just not be tired with the clocks going back, childrens body clocks are more sensitive than adults, you could try taking her to bed an hour later, then bring it forward 5 or 10 minutes each night.

When our dd1 went through a similar stage I went for all-out bribery. It sounds like her verbal skills are pretty good, so you could promise a note/sticker/present from the bedtime fairy if she is good. Another good thing that worked for dd1 was to be given a special toy to look after for mummy, and she loved having posters on her wall of her favourite, Thomas the Tank Engine.

The other thing that worked for dd1 was gradual withdrawl - you do exactly what you did, sitting beside the bed until she falls asleep, then start to move a little further away each night until you are outside the door. If she calls out at this stage, say, 'Mummy's here, I'm just putting away some ironing, I'll be back in a minute', walk away then go back. Keep going away and coming back and eventually she should accept you not being there at all. Doesn't take long, under a week with our dd1.

Dd2, now, is an entirely different little person, will not be bribed, hates toys and stays awake if we are in the room. We had to do rapid return with her and she is much happier as a result.

Nearlythree - thanks for some good tips. dd has just got out of bed and dh has just gone upstairs (again) with a 'special toy - florrie from Fimbles' and asked dd if she'll look after her for mummy.
I heard her say 'Mummy huggle, I want big huggle'. It seems to be me that she wants and I feel so guilty for having to be tough with her but we'll persevere
I don't want to put a stair gate up or anything as I know she'll get very distressed by it so I'm hoping the special toy and maybe the chair theory will work.
Up until now she's been a dream at going to bed.

She has mentioned that there is a little boy in her bedroom so maybe she has an imaginary friend too ? Oh lordy ......

She'll probably grow out of it but don't indulge her too much or you'll end up like us. My dsd2 refuses to go to bed on her own. She's now 9!! Drags her father to bed every night until she's asleep and makes dsd1 sleep with her (they're twins so have been sleeping together since conception - except dsd1 is starting to get very annoyed by it). Her father is massively over indugent of her and boy does she know how to twist him round her little finger. We're moving next week and she has been told in no uncertain terms in the new house she's in her own bed!
She said it started when she was small when they would stay over their mothers, apparently she was afraid of the lampshade - but didn't tell anyone at the time!

To complicate matters I have a dd (8 months) who has decided she doesn't want to sleep in her cot. Daft dad again keeps bringing her into bed, they are both very comfy there apart from me who barely manages to get 5 minutes sleep on the 3inches of bed I'm allowed. I've tried waiting until she's asleep but the little monkey knows she's in her cot as soon as her head hits the matress. Must start that control crying thing but I'm a bit of a wimp in that department. She gets all snotty and cute when she cries. Plus the twins make me feel guilty by saying "do you know the babys screaming up there? Poor thing"

What does she say about the little boy in her bedroom? I have experienced this and would be interested to know. Have you asked her? I have to go to work now, but will look in again this evening. (late already - must go)

Tillyboo - we had exactly this problem with our dd1 between the age of about 2.9 and 3.5. It was shortly after dd2 arrived, plus dd1 was in that transition phase where she was nearly but not quite dropping her afternoon nap. Plus I think she was realising we were downstairs having a nice time whilst she was packed off to bed! Some nights she would be up for two hours after bedtime, with us repeatedly putting her back to bed. It drove me to distraction, as up until then she'd been a guaranteed 12hours a night girl. And I discovered just how much I needed that "time for me" after her bedtime to retain my sanity!

This is what we did:

1. Made sure her afternoon nap was taken early, and was no longer than an hour. Shortly after her 3rd birthday she refused to take it anymore anyway. We would sometimes make her take half an hour by putting her in the car or the buggy.
2. I know this sounds barbaric, but we ended up putting a lock on her bedroom door. She knew it was there, and once the door was locked she would try to open it and then would go back to bed. I almost get the impression that she was half relieved that the option of escaping her bedroom was removed from her. We would unlock the door when we came to bed.

We haven't needed the lock on the door for almost a year now. She's 4.4 and is back on track going too bed at 7am and staying put!

Good luck. It feels like forever at the time, but she will grow out of it.

Tillyboo - try one of your t-shirts or jumpers instead of the toy. Dd1 has one of dh's fleeces when he is out in the evening and she's four now.

Put her back, put her back again, put her back again and repeat as necessary. She will eventually get the message. We had the same problem with our ds for quite a few weeks (he is 3 in Feb) Now he has three books, lots of cuddles sometimes some singing from me and then that's it - bed. He stays put until morning when he gets in our bed. Bit early usually around 6.15/6.30 but he never gets up in the night unless he is ill or thirsty or can't find his monkey!

Thanks all, some great advice.
Touch wood tonight dd has stayed put - she refused to have a nap today so was absolutely hanging with tiredness. Her daddy took her up to bed but she protested by screaming & struggling saying she wanted me to take her up. She had a story read and we tried no lullaby music and switched off her Cinderella night lamp. Bingo - may just be a coincidence though.
She is definitely in the transition stage of dropping her daytime nap & it's very difficult as she gets very aggy by 5pm.

As for the 'little boy' in her bedroom, our dd has mentioned this on numerous occasions and apparantly he was sat in her chair last night. She does has a very vivid imagination and even the health visitor highlighted this at her recent 2.5 development check.
She's not frightened whenever mentioning him so I'm not unduley worried. To be honest I think there is something in the house too. I've seen things out of the corner of my eye on numerous occasions, fleeting things that could probably pass as just shadows ? I've had a couple of strange exeriences in the past so I think I'm probably quite receptive.
The house is quite a big 1950's detached house and I think it was built on an orchard - must do some detective work on that. We are right on the edge of a village so it would have been a field or something like that.
Whatever, the house has a very happy, content feel and I never feel scared or worried, even when I'm on my own here.

Still all quiet and I'm off to bed now - with the ghosty's watching over us.

Hope DD sleeps through tonite, Tillyboo.
My DD1 (2.10yo) sometimes gets out of bed too. Think someone has already mentioned what I do...tell her I'm going to fetch a drink/favourite toy/just going to do a bit o f tidying up and that she must get in to bed and wait until I get back. 9 times out of 10 she is asleep when I return.

not sure if this would work fo ryou - we had a sleep fairy visit our daughter for a while as she wouldnt' stay in her own bed and kept coming into ours ( she was 4 when sleep fairy first came) and she would leave a little trinket for dd if she spent all night in her bed - worked brilliantly! just little things like hair clips or bath toy or stidkers, that sort of thing
hope you crack it!

Well, I'm hopeless I suppose because I would let her stay up to fall asleep on the settee downstairs and then carry her up

Hurray, dd stayed in her own bed until 5.50am then got back into bed with me & went to sleep for another hour.
Can't promise it'll be the same tonight, but I'm hoping !
She actually said 'I been a good girl in my bed' so she knows she's been a monkey. We gave her lots of praise about staying put and she seemed to love that attention more, so fingers crossed.
I used the 'dummy fairy' and cracked taking the dummy away in only a few days so I may just use the 'sleep fairy' if we have problems again.

Thanks all once again for some top tips !

Interesting - we had a victorian lady in my son's bedroom. She was a perfectly pleasant spirit, but he didn't like her sitting at the end of his bed. We got a medium from the local spiritualist church to ask her (nicely) to leave, and she did.
We had a very unpleasant person in my dd's room - she was about two when she was able to tell me about him - he was a bit more difficult to move on. The thing is, she would not sleep in her room and was actually distressed. Once we sorted the man out, she was fine. Sometimes the explanation offered by the child is the right one.