Looking after toddler and newborn together

[Shelduck]

Hello, DS1 is 2y 9m, and DS2 is 2 weeks. Any tips or advice on how to look after a toddler and newborn at the same time? DS1 is at nursery 4 days a week, and when he's not, DH is usually here as well. And DS1 is basically a very good little boy - just quite full-on and starting to push boundaries at the moment. But basically, i can't really complain that i've got it hard.

But nevertheless i'm a bit bewildered as to how to manage two at a time. I know lots of you will be SAHMs to two, and would love your advice. Please understand - my standards are really low. I'm not looking at how to bring up DCs as well-rounded individuals with a decent appreciation of sushi and avant garde music, while simultaneously working from home to develop PR company. No, my questions are more on the level of "how do i go to the loo while feeling reasonably confident that DS1 won't over-affectionately poke DS2 in the eye?" "If DS2 is screaming for a feed, and DS1 is refusing to have pooey nappy changed, who takes priority?" "What happens if you're feeding baby when out and DS2 decides to run off?'

After spending 2 hours alone with them for the first time, makes me realise how hilarious it is that DH and I ever struggled to manage one between us!

I'm sure we'll be fine, but looking for some reassurance. Even of it is to say "yes, it is just really hard!"

You either put the baby in cot to go to the loo or take with.

On poo/feed, would depend how awful the poo and how long the baby takes to feed.

Danger trumps angry/upset. So you chase the toddler.

marking place for later in the year

I don't want to say it is hard because honestly I didn't find it any harder than one after the initial adjustment. Don't panic!

I had the exact same age age gap between my two. I gave up bfing after a week as it was easier to deal with the toddler (not the only reason, I also found it very sore as the latch was difficult and we were having to pack to move house so I needed to pass her over to DH).

DD just had to lie in the Moses basket/ on the bf cushion / in the bouncy while I done stuff with the toddler. There was a lot of tv watching in the early days.

Agree with penguins that danger trumps anger, I was fortunate that DS wasn't a runner but I did feel very anxious going out at the start incase he ran off.

Pooey nappy or baby screaming.....toddler would have been told in no uncertain terms to lie down and let me change it while the bottle was heating. BUT he was rather obedient, if DD had come first I don't know what I would have done as shes a little more ummm..... feisty!

Oh and going to the loo, baby left in Moses basket / safe place and bring the toddler with you, much easier than bringing the baby.

I think a priority list could help me quickly assess action...
Safe?
Clean?
Fed?
Happy?

Think that covers it all? Will have a 1.5yr old and a newborn soon, so happy to hear from those with experience!

You sound like me (same no of nursery days, same standards . Anyway DS is 2.4 and DD is 5mo - I was terrified at the thought of looking after both together., but you do manage. DS is currently being a total PITA about sleep but is generally great with DD.

It's a bit of a cliche but DD just has to slot in when DS is about. I deal with a distressed toddler before a distressed baby (she doesn't get left for long).

Advice I was given on here - slings are your friend. I have closer caboo, it's been great.

• low standards keep you sane
• have a safe place to put the baby down in each room (Moses basket) or similar.
• keep your older child involved if they want to be.

I've enjoyed having the nursery days as I've had plenty of time to gaze at DD (ie have coffee with friends), However I've enjoyed my days with two enough that ive asked to go part time.

Having said all of that, some days are shit. I had DS with earache, DD with fever and I had diarrhoea last night. It was hideous.

Anyway; congratulations and good luck.

Be as organised as you can and try and get into and stick to a bedtime routine. My eldest would always want a wee/poo/drink /snack /specific toy whenever I fed baby so try cover some if these basics before starting a feed. With regards to who do you go to first judge each situation as it arrives inevitably 1 or maybe both will be left to cry for a short time whilst you see to the other 1 but as long as they're safe wherever you've left them don't stress about it no kid ever died from being left to cry for a minute or 2.
You'll have good & bad days & days you'll wonder how you made it through but write off the bad days & cherish the good days. There's 2.5yr between my eldest ds's they're like best friends & love each other to bits now. Organised and routine and you'll not go far wrong.

Thanks everyone, that's fantastic. Feel much better now!

DS1 is 2.8yo and DS2 5mo.
I think I wrote a similar thread when I was pregnant. I used to imagine every day situations with DS1 and ask myself "where would DC2 be now...?"
A sling is your friend
Cbeebies is your friend
Cheesy pasta is your friend

Unless baby is in danger, toddler always takes priority.
I found hardest thing was DS1 climbing on me while I held DS2 or wanting to hold him himself. This gets easier as the baby gets stronger and you get more confident at holding the baby.
Even now, as soon as I'm not holding/feeding/carrying the baby, DS1 is quick as a whippet and jumps onto my lap or wants a cuddle.
First few months hardest but now my three days a week (soon to be 4 as I'll be dropping DS1 to just 1 day a week at nursery) with both of them no longer fill me with horror and I actually enjoy parts of the day sometimes

I have a 2.5 year old dd and a 2 month old dd.
I'm finding it rough as dd2 has reflux so is really struggling with feeding but we're getting there.
I take dd1 to toilet or in bathroom while I have a shower and dd2 naps in swing. If dd2 won't settle I pop her in sling while I make dd1 breakfast or lunch or do some housework.
I try to get out somewhere every day so dd1 doesn't get bored. Even if it's a walk round the block or the park or to a friends or my mums if it's raining.
Just successfully toilet trained the toddler so it can't be that bad ??
Good luck. You find your own wee routine and you get used to it and find ways to make it easier.
X

My coping techniques mostly centre around breaking life into 20 minute activities.

The tuff tray with easy activities in it (facebook group had loads of good ideas).

The park, keep the newborn napping whilst you push the other on the swings and run about.

Going to really full on physical activities (trampolining, toddler gym) get the big one knackered to sleep, then the other can sleep, then you can do housework/be lazy/drink a hot cup of tea.

Find friends with similar aged toddlers so they can run round the garden/park and tire each other out.

Definitely lower your standards.

Oh and sticker books! Bloody sticker books. Gift from the toddler gods.

Agree with sticker books.

I had three bouncy chairs - one in the loo - which meant that there was generally a safe place to leave DS2 easily to hand when I had to focus on something else.

They do sleep a lot. Maximise the focus on your toddler when the baby konks out. And try to encourage group naps in the afternoon.

things that helped me are

Getting myself ready before dh goes to work
if possible have lunch ready for yourself and toddler in the fridge
try and get out to baby toddler playgroup or arrange playdates it breaks up the day and distracts toddler from being jealous of the baby!
Yes to sticker books and be prepared to know cbeebies schedule of by heart!
Ignore as much housework as possible too

My 2 have just turned 3 and 1 much easier now

My DS is 21 months and DD 5 months. Basically, I had to learn to accept that I couldn't physically handle both at the same time, ie, one will always have to be left to cry. At the start it was SO HARD - I am on my own most days and weeks as my husband works abroad (0& I have no friends or family anywhere nearby) so the newborn was left on her own whilst I got my son out of the bath, dressed him, brushed teeth etc. i made sure before I put the newborn to one side near me at those times that she was fully fed, changed and warm and dry etc first before dealing with the older one. She learned to self soothe early on because of this and soon knew to wait whilst I was getting her brother ready and that I'd come get her in just a few minutes. I'd leave a light show toy near her to watch whilst dealing with the older one to keep her entertained. It took DS a while to get used to the newborn but basically I'd take him with me whenever it was time to put her down for her nap, change her etc. he soon got used to the routine. I would and still do have to prioritise who has the most immediate need (pooey nappy vs hungry baby etc), and one is usually inevitably left to cry but in general it works out ok. It depends on your oldest, his/her temperament etc. my oldest is a serious high needs toddler, so it's been rough, but from what I hear most people don't have such a hard time and the toddler soon learns pretty quickly the newborns routine. Including the older one helps too - can you give mum the talc?/find mum baby's nappy/blanket/whatever? And so on. I wore newborn in a sling the first few months but now she can be propped up and watches me run around for a few minutes until I can pick her up again. Bouncer was also massively made use of when she was younger (feeding toddler in his chair whilst prepping food with one hand and bouncing bouncer at my feet, etc). It's what works for your baby's temperament I guess. As long as they're somewhere safe -cot, playpen etc, it's ok for a few minutes whilst you get stuff prepped for toddler.
Housework? Not a priority, as long as the kids are safe to run around, it gets done after they've gone to bed (although now life is more settled I can get the oldest to help with tidy up time). Food? We cook the most basic meal possible for now to save our precious evening time. Laundry? Gets done either with toddler's "help" during the day, or is done before the kids wake up or after they've gone to bed. Basically, we do our best to tend to the kids first, and not stress over the house.

Oh and having the travel cot in the living room! Keeps baby safe from toddler, and means I can go to the loo without worrying she's going to get stomped on etc.

I have exactly the same age gap & shared the worry of my daughter poking her brother! I have a bouncy chair on every floor that he can go in when I needed to be hands free which worked initially. My daughter found it tough initially when I was feeding my son but I found that including her in it by reading stories together whilst feeding helped. If your eldest isn't toilet trained don't panic but leave it a few months before trying. My daughter was ready just after she was 3 & carting little one to the toilet mid feed was tiring! Don't drop naps unless you really have too! When getting ready to go out get everything else ready (bag, baby etc) & then get toddler ready just as you're about to leave.
Have fun x

Thanks again everyone for your excellent advice! Survived day 1 with ridiculous amounts of help from MIL and nothing awful happened. I must say, having my first post-ttc/preg glass of wine with dinner took the edge off evening routine stress! If only DS2 hadn't decided to feed every 2 hours in the night!

Take baby to the loo with you. Often toddler will insist on coming too…

CBeebies. More CBeebies. Bubble machine in garden (if you have one) for toddler to chase and pop bubbles. Sand and water table outside too. Playdough and cookie cutters at the table.

Frozen pizza for dinner with a bag of salad. Various simple fruit in little dishes, small wooden skewers, let toddler thread own snack and make fruit kebabs (if you feel confident they won't stab themselves).

Those are my top tips – it does get easier with time, but I found one to two really hard going. Thankfully I also have seriously low standards when it comes to housework

Its really fucking hard BUT it gets easier!

Oh shelduck I feel you on the two hour feeds!

DD2 is five weeks now and they're slowly stretching out, thank goodness.

Hope it keeps getting better!

It is so hard at first but I promise it does get easier. My four are 9,4,18 months and 6 months. The youngest 3 are all at home with me dd-4 doesn't start school until sep. The main thing I've found really helpful is to get out of the house even if it's the last thing I feel like doing. We always do something in the morning-toddler groups are great always someone willing to cuddle the baby while you play with the toddler or have a coffee and a chat. We also do the park,library,cafe, just anything that gets us out and about.

When we get back the two youngest have a nap and that gives me some time to spend with dd-4 she likes helping me prepare dinner and I sometimes we will chill with a film or play or read.

Dc4 has just started sleeping 7-7 and I can't tell you the difference it makes! :)

I have a 2.9 year old and 3 month old. I was also worried about being with them on my own, especially bedtimes and mornings, but it was much easier than expected. Definitely get a sling- I have a wrap and it's perfect, baby sleeps there if she won't settle elsewhere. Baby in bouncy chair in bathroom while I shower and toddler watches cbeebies.
I protected the toddlers routine as didn't want to mess up his nights. As it turns out he loves to share bath with baby so that is easy and I feed her whilst doing his bed time stories. He hasn't objected to this either.
I try to go to places that I know are easy- toddler playgroups, out with other mums and avoid situations that might be stressful if at all possible (Eg food shopping, soft play that requires me to help toddler etc).
And we all go for an afternoon nap in my bed- my favourite part of the day.
This is not to say it is all easy. I'm trying to potty train and it's not going smoothly. And there are days when they test my patience to its limit. But on the whole it's all good.

Can I ask a curious question? With just DS, I used to want to take a shower either every other day with DS in the bouncy chair in the bathroom with me, or in the evenings if DH was at home. What do you do when you have a toddler marching around too?

Also nap times, DS currently is cutting down on his nap times, and by the time DC2 comes along, he'll only have one on a good day. How can you get rest in the daytime to help recharge for the (3) nightly wakings?