How much time do you spend playing with your children?

[dreamydross]

DP has said to three different people (in front of me) that I hardly play with mine and it's really upset me.

First of all they're 9 and 7 so beyond the age of me needing to supervise most of their play or sit on the floor pushing trains around with them. And believe me I did a lot of that when they were at that age.

Beyond that I think I spend a reasonable and normal amount of time interacting with them (maybe not playing per se) so I'm not sure why he says it.

A normal school day for example we get home at around 4.20, either go to the beach or park for 30 minutes to an hour (more when it's warmer) or play a game together. I sit with them while they do homework, then they play/watch tv/play on wii/read etc while I cook dinner. After dinner it's pretty much bedtime. Weekends we usually have at least one outing and board game together each day but I don't feel the need for us to do everything together and think it's good for the dc to a) relax just doing what they want a bit and b) find ways to entertain themselves.

I said to the dc do I do enough with them and they said yes and they ask me if they want me to play with them and I do if I'm not too busy so they seem happy with how things are, I'm just upset that he doesn't think I do enough with them and especially that he's telling other people I don't.

I suppose he is usually at work when I'm involved with them but I don't see why he assumes that because he comes home as I'm cooking/dishing up that I've ignored the dc all afternoon? Also because he's not their dad and we've only been together 3 years I suppose our 'family time' is different maybe? And when he's not at work I want to spend time with him too so I do expect the children to amuse themselves a bit more probably- that stems from the early days when I felt guilty expecting him to do everything with children in tow.

I don't know. It made me feel like he was implying I was a neglectful parent when he said it I think but at the same time the people he compared the amount I play with my children to have a two year old!

Shame you poor thing. You're a good mom!!! What the hell does he know! I hate when DH has been out all day and makes assumptions about how we have spent time. My LO is now 17 mo. When he was about 8 mo or so DH went through a phase of telling me he was worried LO was not getting enough stimulation. I saw red and bit his head off chewed up and spat out so fast that phase didn't last long. Turns out he had been listening to others and didn't even bother asking me what I was doing with DS. Anyway, have you spoken with your DH and told him in your and the children's opinion you have good QT with each other and why does he have this opinion. And also that you find it offensive and hurtful that he says these things. Who knows, he may have been doing some reading and 'the book' told him your time with kids is not enough! Good luck and you're great for asking the kids and for caring!

Thank you for your response :-)

Had a really good day with them today, out at a NT place doing an easter egg hunt. DD is now reading and ds is playing fifa, but they're happy without my involvement for a bit so I'm trying not to feel guilty.

DD has been sat downstairs waiting for me to come and play a board game with her for 30 mins.

I'm hiding upstairs MNing.

I HATE playing. I'll happily read stories, go somewhere, chat or watch a film, or get them involved with something.

But playing games is not my thing at all. I'm 31 not 5

Your interaction with your DC sounds fine to me, OP. I think you need to talk to your DP and explain that his remark has upset you. It would upset me too - especially when he repeated it to three different people, that seems very pointed!

Pantone I like board games or building trainsets or lego or marble runs etc but dd went through a stage of wanting me to play barbies with her and I hated it, that kind of imaginative play is really hard for me!

Tumbletumble, I don't think he meant it to be pointed but still it felt like a criticism and I have told him it upset me. Especially as it just isn't true! I might not play continuously and I might sometimes tell the dc I am busy, but I don't see anything wrong with that, especially not now they're older.

What was his response dreamydross ??

I think that different parents or adults like to play different things with their DCs. I can't remember ever my parents playing dollies, barbies, play kitchen etc with me (and I had lots) but we played board games together, arts & crafts and DF always played in the garden with us. We were read to every night. Each parent to their own. Play to your strengths! You sound normal OP!

Oh you're absolutely fine and sounds like you interact loads with them - seems a strange thing for him to say?! I play more with mine but he's 23 months old! I have no doubt it will get less and less and he will want that too - being in to his own things etc.