What to do when they're obsessed with the iPad...

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

*For iPad please read Minecraft, Skylanders, xbox, tablet, phone, whatever tech they are crazy about, because my ds is into more than one.

He's nearly 8, asd, and utterly obsessed, it's the only thing he gets excited about, the only thing he wants to do (unless something exciting like a day out somewhere is offered) if he has a friend over, all they want to do is play on it. They won't go outside or play with toys, he doesn't play with toys in general apart from the occasional fumble with a bit of lego. On beautiful sunny days he will throw a fit if I ask him to go outside.

I don't know what to do. Getting rid of the iPad would break his heart. He has MUCH more time on it than other kids get because when he isn't on it he does nothing but mope and beg and cause trouble because he's bored. Any ideas?

ds seems to cope with the complete ban much better than the screen time we have at weekends. He's continually asking from about lunchtime whether its screen time yet, whereas he knows on a Monday-Thursday that there isn't any screen time.

I will try the coding app though with him - he's done this at school and really enjoyed it.

Yes Ds only used to do other things when banished to his room but now he chooses to do them to save his tickets.

Ticket system is a little bit complex to sey up but then runs fine, it works for us anyway :-)

What is the attraction with this stampy thing??? I don't get it at all why would you want to watch someone play Minecraft?? My 2 ds (7&5) are obsessed with it especially the youngest they would literally sit & watch it all day, I'd rather them play it themselves on the ps3 than watch someone else play. I make them earn ipad time and I don't let them on it in the morning or we'd never get out the door

This is really sad. My 5 year old doesn't even know how to use an iPad yet let alone be addicted. We are a family of programmers also. Both child will be taught how to program and use code when they are old enough, I genuinely don't think they will benefit one bit using an iPad for stampy now as small children.
Dh didn't even own a computer until he was 15!
Days are spent outside playing, digging, planting, climbing trees, friends, swimming, playing in boxes, arts, reading, Lego, construction sets, toy animals, Jenga, games, library, imaginary games, baking etc.

There is a ridiculous amount of things an under 10 can be doing.

You need to adapt the things you used to do with him as toddler. He might not want to decorate a biscuit anymore, but give a recipe book and he can cook virtually anything. If he doesnt use play dough, try actually clay, get some clay tools, and let him make a teapot/ cup/ penpot etc.

Send him outside, just say it's not optional. Screen time only 5-6pm max daily.

I believe techy stuff can be helpful for kids with ASD if you can set limits, so I certainly wouldn't take it away completely. Its something interactive without the difficult social side that they struggle with.

I don't know much about Minecraft but when I worked with a child with ASD years ago- it was Pokémon, on the game boy (God I'm old!!)
All he wanted to do was play on Pokémon and nothing would make him as happy.
I used to try and engage him in craft activities- junk modelling, making "real life" Pokémon houses/ scenes. Developing characters with "Special powers" "upgrading" the characters etc. (I knew A LOT about Pokémon!)
Good behaviour would earn him gold coins/ stars/ power ups which were also the reward in the game. Basically there was a reason to behave well and he was able to relate that to something fun and interesting to him, which made it worthwhile.

Isn't minecraft some sort of building game? Couldn't you base other activities around the games he likes so he feels like he's still doing something to interest him but not just sitting there face to screen?

My ds was totally addicted to the iPad. He was attached to it first thing in the morning til last thing at night, unless we forced him to do something else. He would then moan, sulk, be horrible and say he was bored all the time.

I realised it was a real addiction and tried to limit screen time in various ways. In the end the iPad 'broke' it just wouldn't charge up anymore. We are still waiting for it to come back from apple, it's been about 6 months now I think. He is a completely different boy. It took maybe 3 weeks of sulking and being bored before he went and got his Lego out. He colours in, draws pictures, reads, asks to go the park, watches a bit of telly if he's really bored. We just had to go cold turkey it was the only way for my DS, he's 7, he's not asd though, but hope my experience can help someone out there.

It's a pain that I can't use my own bloody iPad anymore because it's turned off and hidden in a drawer!

DS (6) gets half an hour a day and we are very firm about sticking to this rule. Removal of iPad time is also an effective deterrent to bad behaviour. I ignore any huffing or crying over the issue. In fact, I have been known to take away more iPad time if the silly huffing/crying goes on and on. Also, it's MY iPad, DS doesn't have his own which makes it easier for me to control as he understands I'm letting him use my stuff, it's not a 'right' if that makes sense.

I sometimes wish we had never got a bloody iPad (it was a birthday present from DH). I am definitely addicted to it!

DS was never interested in tablets, consoles, etc but one of his friends has an older brother and they seem to have every device under the sun so DS was introduced to it all and that was that! Luckily he still has plenty of other stuff he likes to do but given the choice he would spend all day playing Minecraft.

We are strict in this house. Mine are 10 and 8. Absolutely no iPad/playstation time during the week. At the weekend (includes Friday evenings) they can have an hour each day at the end of the day before dinner.

Initially they didn't like it (particularly the younger one) but they know the rules now and so find other things to do.

I had trouble with my DS (6yo) who just wants to watch television. Have no problem with a bit - but he was getting lazy and whiney - he could never be bothered to think of anything else to do. So I asked him to write a list of things he could do instead. I was expecting 3 or 4 things which I would then coach him into expanding to a few more. He wrote a list of about 25-30 alternative things to do.

Now if he has nothing to do I can suggest he looks at his list to find something to occupy him rather than watch the television. Doesn't work perfectly but it certainly helps the "I am bored" whinging - so may help?

Also in June this is due out - How to draw Skylander book - or there are various Youtube videos - would that help extend his focus iyswim? www.amazon.co.uk/Learn-Skylanders-Universe-Grosset-Dunlap/dp/0448487225/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1427798003&sr=8-1&keywords=draw+to+skylander

I think you needed to decide how much of your ds's use of the ipad is about his asd.

My ds is 5 with asd and he spends pretty much all of his spare time with the ipad or a book. He NEEDS those things to help regulate himself. Also he doesn't really understand play so he can't really choose to play with something else. We have many other activities for him and when he feels he urge he gets one of those activities and we support and encourage this. Not because I think there is something inherently wrong with the ipad, I just want him to have a broad range of experiences.

We also use the things he is interested in to get him to do other things. For instance, he doesn't like leaving the house so we ask him if he wants to go out for ice cream so that we can go to the park. Once he's there he loves it but if you ask him at home he'll say no.

It's far more complex than just wants and tantrums. Obviously try the different methods mentioned on the thread and judge for yourself what is and isn't working but be aware that the results may be because he can't cope not won't obey.

I find biding our time and jumping on opportunities when they arise is more effective for us.

My 10 yo was also obsessed with the iPad. I took it away altogether in the end as I realised it was one occasion where I was going to have to be cruel to be kind.

Agreed - you may also want to ask for help on the SN boards as well to get another angle. Soapbox makes excellent points.

Art&co is your son on the spectrum? Because if not you may not have experience of Asd children's capacity for obsessive behaviour, and need for calm and order in what they perceive to be a loud chaotic world. I'm not happy about ds spending so much time staring at screens either but as I pointed out, my other (NT) children don't. They do go in the garden, play with toys, bake etc - I can encourage ds to do these things but I can't force him, and I can't make him enjoy them.

He can't do many of the things you suggest (cook a meal, make something from clay) he has poor fine motor skills, and sensory processing difficulties which mean he hears instructions but somewhere between ear and brain they get scrambled and he just can't follow them properly. This leads to lots of mistakes and frustration and a belief that he does everything wrong. Even when he builds lego it tends to all fall to bits because he hasn't managed to click it all together tightly, and it leads to tears as it would in a younger child.

Sometimes it's nice to let him succeed at something he can get right. And this is the thing, he's very good at his games on the iPad. He's proud of his achievements on there and I think (amongst his classmates at least) it does his cred no harm to be good at Minecraft or whatever. His two best friends are also autistic, and nuts about the same type of games.

It's not as clear cut as getting rid.

Thanks soapbox, Bertie etc I've never ventured to the SN boards as he's high functioning.

James - no he isn't. But I do have extensive experience with my sibling having down syndrome and Autism, all before the invention of 'screen time'. Surely it's better to become obsessive about gardening/ painting / reading/ cooking skills that help with future skills more so than games

Do tech time, set a limit eg an hour and half a day or less. He chooses when he has it and when it's gone it's gone. Let him strop, he'll get over it.

Explain he can have it all in one go or half hour slots. My niece is 8 and is happy to spend all day on it.

I'm looking after three of them today, so far they've had it for 15 minutes and are now playing schools!

You're the adult, you call the shots, good luck!

Unfortunately we can't choose what someone becomes obsessed with.

In all likelihood an obsession with tech will probably lead to a career in tech, like his dad.

James I wouldn't get too hung up on the concept of high and low functioning autism. For one thing there seems to be a great deal of discussion about which bit is high functioning; their ability to communicate etc, their academic ability, their emotional awareness. Some asd children (and adults) are just very good at seeming NT on the outside but are in crisis in the inside.
Fwiw my ds has aspergers, is very articulate, very clever (not just proud mum talk either ) and for many people he would seem like an NT rather precocious little boy. However he is also extremely violent, cannot read his own emotions or physical well being, has no concept of danger.
My point is, don't think that you don't belong on the SN boards because your ds doesn't seem as affected by his sen. It took me a while to realise that my ds was really a proper sen child. It felt disingenuous to describe him as such because his difficulties weren't as 'bad' as other children who were 'proper' sen. I've no idea why I thought this but there you go. Also it helped me to realise how much of his behaviour wasn't standard.

Artandco if the activity is helping a child to regulate themselves, it needs to be easily available and at any time. Which means gardening etc would be unworkable. A child can't decide they need to garden at 3 in the morning.

Also the calming activity will be very much individual to the child. They need to ultimately decide what it is or it won't work. Yes you can introduce activities but you can't dictate.

As I mentioned previously my ds tends to go between iPad and books for his calming time. However when he reads he often flaps his hands too. He doesn't do this as much with the ipad. Meaning the ipad is better at helping him to regain control than just reading.

I banned computers, limits on time but then he just used the TV to regulate himself.

But now starting GCSE and that little boy who didn't get social interaction, struggled with friends is NOW a different boy who doesn't seem that different to his NT brother.

Set some limits, but don't beat yourself if he seems to do more computing than his NT siblings.

james my ds is also nearly 8yo and has ASD (HF). We've got the same issues about screen time here too (with the nintendo ds). Not quite as easy as "just take it away and let them do gardening/cooking instead" or "he'll find something else to do" ha ha ha ffs

The point is that anything has the potential to become obsessive, and screen-based things are much more likely to be so, in the same way that electronic toddler toys (i.e. lights/sounds) are to toddlers with asd . Also as anyone would know who has experience of autism, normal play activities are severely limited/stereotypical, and in most cases almost entirely absent - it's a defining characteristic. Even if the screen-time activity was replaced by something deemed healthy e.g. cooking, it's the obsessiveness that is the problem.

Anyway, back to the OP. This term ds has had less clubs than normal after school and I am noticing a massive difference. He'll also throw himself around saying he's bored etc. My plan is to get back on track with as many after school/weekend activities as possible, especially sport. Also thinking for the first time about getting a trampoline (argh, hate them!) as the sofa-bouncing is getting excessive now.

Wrt to alternative activities. Million dollar question! Does he like magazines/activity books? Ds loves Doctor Who and some of the Marvel stuff, so we get a lot of those. Recently Tintin activities which are great. Also lots of non-fiction reading, so encyclopaedias, compendiums, atlases etc. The downside is that I'm followed round the house with "mummy, did you know that…." aaaall the time

But my sympathies - we did ABA relatively intensively for four years and never fully cracked the play thing!

We also do have clear rules about screen time, which he knows and is reminded of even if he asks (e.g. he knows that he doesn't ever have it before school, or before supper on weekdays). Does your ds accept rules?

Does he have siblings? I have a younger dd (NT) who is 5yo, and they are playing together more now, which helps.

Look at the SN boards - I haven't been on much recently but there are usually lots of threads about helping with play/activities.