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Parenting

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Original poster

AIBU not to want DD to go on playdate without me?

18 replies

Shnook · 30/03/2015 11:15

DD is 4 and my first of 2 children. She's been at school since sept and she has made lots of friends and I've made lots of mummy friends.

One of her friend's mums was chatting to me recently and the second time we got talking she invited us round for a play date. I went with her and took DS (14months). She had a lovely time and the mum seems v nice - she also has an 8 and 11 year old. But while we were there she suggested that next time, she picks DD up from school and takes her back to hers for tea and I pick her up later. She has since texted me with a suggested date. Like I say she seems perfectly nice and normal but I'm not sure how i feel about someone i dont really know picking my daughter up from school and having her for a few hours. Am i being overprotective ? And if I decide not to let her do it, how do I phrase it? It's been 2 days since she texted and I really need to respond! ! Thank you!

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Fleecyleesy · 30/03/2015 11:26

I think as you've been to her house, she seems nice and normal etc, it would be a good place for you to start. I remember leaving mine when they were in reception, it is scary but this mum sounds fine.

BerryMood · 30/03/2015 20:32

My Daughter is the same age as yours and there is no way I would let her go on her own. You only had 1 play date, you don't know them well yet. I would reply "Thank you for the invite, but I think DD is too young to be going on play dates on her own. Good idea though, would love to do it when she is a bit older". And when she is older and you know the family much better then yes I would let her go.

Dappymummy · 30/03/2015 20:55

It's seems the norm at our school and I have let both of mine go to tea without me at this age. I have the added worry of food allergies so I do get a bit worried but it is good for your Dc's to get independent and its lovely when they come and tell you about their play date.

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Smartiepants79 · 30/03/2015 20:59

This is normal at our school. My DD was 4 in August and started in September.
She goes home with others and I bring home other kids.
Happened maybe 4 times this year. I know all the mums and we all live in one village. It's of course up to you but in the circumstances you describe I'd have no problem sending my DD. Once they hit school it all changes a bit. She's happy to go I'd let her.

ChocolateEggFace · 30/03/2015 21:03

I would let my DC go, but collect quite early.

If you really don't want your DC to go, say they are very, very tired after school atm, and invite them around to yours at the weekend.

There will come a time when having someone else willing to collect your DC from school is a Godsend.

The other mum knows this, and is putting the groundwork in now.

HelenaJustina · 30/03/2015 21:06

I let mine go at this age. Especially as you have already been round to the house.

If it was me (I have 4DC) I'd be busy with the older 2 while the 4yr olds has a lovely play together. I could get homework done, reading etc.

It is entirely up to you, she is your DD but don't be surprised if no invitation is forthcoming for a year or two...

Jackieharris · 30/03/2015 21:07

If you've been to her house before, she's local, you have each other's numbers id be ok.

SarniaCherie · 30/03/2015 21:08

Yes, this is standard practice for play dates at school age. (IME) You've visited the home and have contact details. If your DD is happy to go without you then I would say it's time to untie the apron strings for a couple of hours.

Hulababy · 30/03/2015 21:15

IME this is very normal for playdates once they are at school, even more so if you have been round once beforehand as well.

Have to say that I would have been far less keen for DD to have friends over to play if their parent and sibling had to come with them each time. I used to invite friends round to play with DD and occupy her, not so that I would have to make small talk with parents. It meant I could get on and do stuff without having to give DD all my attention.

BackforGood · 30/03/2015 21:16

That's a pretty normal arrangement, tbh - going home with your school friend for tea.
It's only on MN I've ever heard of this "playdate" thing where the parent, and in your case the sibling goes too.
This other Mum has an 11 yr old, an 8 yr old and a 4/5 yr old. She's already put up with you and a baby/toddler once - she will be of the mindset that 'having a friend round to play' occupies her own child and she should have a couple of hours to get on with her own stuff.

Totally up to you if you let your dd go or not, but she probably will lose out on further invitations if you don't let her. Most parents are happy to have their dcs friends round once in a while, but that doesn't translate as having to sit there and occupy dc's friend's parent, and then 'toddler proof' the room to boot.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 30/03/2015 21:21

Way overprotective. Let her go, if she doesn't enjoy it then wait a few months before trying it again.

crapfatbanana · 30/03/2015 21:37

No, I don't think YABU, as all kids are different. I have four, my youngest two are 4 and very different. My DD(4) is fine going for play dates but her twin brother needs me and wouldn't like going home with a friend's parent without me.

If I was in your shoes I'd just talk to the parent and then if you're happy with arrangements, make sure the school/teacher know DD is being collected by the other parent. Maybe keep the play date short to begin with.

Original poster

Shnook · 31/03/2015 21:12

Thanks for all your comments. To clarify, there are lots of mums i would happily let her go home with as I've got to know them over the few months she's been going to school - it's not that I feel she's not confident or that I feel i have to be with her all the time, I just feel i should know someone a little before i leave her with them.
Anyway, i replied and said i hoped she didn't think i was silly but that I'd never left her with anyone but family before and this was all new to me etc and invited her to come to us. She was lovely and insisted we go to hers and said she completely understood how i felt. So i feel much better about it now!

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 01/04/2015 10:03

I would just say, "Thank you for offering! Haven't let her go by herself before - know there has to be a first time but I'm not ready".

When the time feels right you'll act on it.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 01/04/2015 10:05

As the mum was so nice about it she obviously knew just how you felt.

Original poster

Shnook · 01/04/2015 20:19

Yes Donkeys, I think she did. Phew!

OP posts:

lemonyone · 01/04/2015 20:24

Schnook - glad it all worked out, always best to be honest about these things.
Personally, I let the DCs go on a playdate without me there much earlier than this, without particularly knowing the parents very well, and vice versa. That seems very much to be the norm where we are.

lighteningmcmama · 02/04/2015 00:09

How does this work logistically though? In our school, kids can't leave the school with people who are not in an approved list of people to collect that child. Even other classmates parents aren't allowed to collect a child unless they are on the list provided by the parent.

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