1yo DD and eating issues

[CoodleMoodle]

At the end of my rope with DD (1) and her eating. Or rather lack of. She was doing so much better and then suddenly we're back to normal.

First started weaning at 6mo, didn't go well. DD hated porridge, fruit/veg puree and mash, and finger food. She didn't eat anything until she was 9mo and I caved in and bought some fruit puree pouches and jars. She started eating these and was doing well, then I introduced the veg ones and she slowly came around to those as well. After a bit she started accepting the 'meal' ones (e.g. spag bol - still a smooth paste but more substantial than just fruit and veg and more flavour). I even got her eating the Ella's Kitchen pouches with lumps shortly before her first birthday, and she'd occasionally have a yoghurt (Alpro as she's CMPA, under a dietician).

Not fantastic but better than before, and the plan was to keep going until we got her eating proper, homemade food. This was starting to happen with Wheetabix for breakfast, mixed with fruit puree.
And then she started to scream at mealtimes. This has been going on for a couple of weeks now: she's okay in her chair, then she sees the spoon and starts screaming, thrashing around and trying to escape. Even if it's fruit! On a good day she'll have five spoonfuls, whereas previously she'd have a whole jar of spag bol and a whole fruit pot, for example. The other day she started screaming at the first spoonful, and was eventually sick everywhere.

She's constipated and I'm sure that's making her worse. She won't drink water. She's not finishing her milk (three bottles). She's up screaming every hour in the night, probably because of the constipation, and I can't take much more. Planning on calling the dr on Monday to see if he can give her something else.

The HVs can only suggest 'keep trying', hence why I have very little time for them. I'm already doing that! They also suggest BLW but DD HATES this. I know that'll be the first thing people suggest, but she genuinely does. She has three approaches to it:

1. Ignore food.
2. Pick up, throw on floor.
3. Pick up, put in my mouth.

She doesn't put things in her mouth. She never has. She sucks her thumb but nothing else, apart from the occasional moment where she's put a toy to her mouth and then changed her mind at the very last second.

She's brilliant at taking her medicine (Lactulose and Nurofen if she's teething, which is always possible), and having her teeth brushed.

I feel like I've tried everything but maybe there's something I've missed? Or does anyone have any experience of this? Apart from the problems with eating, sleeping and her bottom, she's such a happy little girl and I hate how upset she gets. We try to stay calm during mealtimes but it's getting harder and harder as she regresses back to her old, non eating self. The dietician said DD had some 'oral hypersensitivity' (this was when I couldn't get ANYTHING into her except milk), but this seemed to have got better, and now it's getting bad again.

Sorry if this is really long, I don't want to dripfeed.

I think the health visitors are right. All you can do is keep trying. What else do you want them to suggest?

Unless she is seriously underweight it is not worth the stress. The chances of her being 16 and still only drinking formula are almost non-existent. So you just keep trying. You try different foods, at different times. You try spoon feeding and BLW (there is nothing wrong with her feeding it to you/throwing it on the floor; she's learning). You have her at the table while you eat. If you've got some friends with kids/babies maybe take her for a picnic, see if she wants to copy the other babies. It's fine to give her more milk if that's what she wants/needs.

Children are extremely changeable. She was eating, now she isn't. She will eat again and then she wont. Then she will. Then she won't. It's much the same with sleeping. They do. They don't. They do again.

The constipation obviously needs sorting, but you're going to the GP for that so that's being sorted.

The absolute, most important thing is for you to chill out. She will pick up on the stress and anxiety that food creates in you and it will become a catch-22 situation. Meal times will become a huge battleground and you've got several years before she'll be old enough to have a rational conversation about it. Save yourself years of stress and find a way to relax about it now.

I think you sound stressed (understandably) and she is likely to have picked up on that.

Make the food fun, if she wants to play with it and chuck it on the floor then let her (sorry!) if she eats some of it then that is a bonus but the objective is for her to not be anxious around food iyswim.

Also is she sat at the table with you when you are all eating? Does she see you eat?

Take the pressure off, try and see food as fun and encourage her to feed herself. If she starts screaming when you start to feed her I would stop and try again later.

Thank you both for your replies. DD sees us eat breakfast and lunch, and has set mealtimes in her routine. She gets things from our plates every time.

I'm not especially bothered by her reaction to BLW. I don't mind spoon feeding her at all, and I know she'll get there and won't be on mush forever! The throwing/feeding me/ignoring food also doesn't bother me.

I wasn't stressed about any of this until these last couple of weeks, and I think that's mostly because I'm not getting any sleep. I'm very much a 'she'll do it when she's ready' sort of person, and that was going great up until the daily food meltdowns started up again. Like you say, she's not underweight and she's otherwise mostly happy, but it is starting to get to me a bit. Going out is a nightmare if it's around lunchtime (when she's eating, that is, as she gets grumpy around her mealtimes - which is good because it tells me she's aware of her hunger IYSWIM) because I have to bugger about with pouches and whatnot. I can't just give her a sandwich in her buggy or something from my plate in a café or whatever. Sounds like a minor issue, and it is, really, but it just adds to the overall problem.

It's not worrying so much, it's frustrating. And I do my best not to let that show! I think most of my angst about it comes from how well she was doing, and how much she was enjoying it. My DH is fussy about food (getting better) and we don't want her to struggle as much he does!

A bit from left field but have you looked to see if she has tongue tie and/or lip tie? My DD struggled with weaning and by 15 months was losing weight and dropping centiles. We spotted a grade IV lip tie and posterior tongue tie. We had this revised and she gained 1lb in 3 weeks, having taken 5 months to gain the previous pound.

She could instantly cope with good better - previously had been trying but seemed unable to chew and move food around her mouth properly. She had a large gap between her front teeth.

I'm so glad we had it dealt with. I have a friend whose child had an oral aversion and even at 18 months would not eat any solids - he just screamed. It was improved greatly when his TT/LTs were revised, and after some SALT therapy and assessment (he's being assessed for autism too). He's now a happy 2 yo who eats anything and everything.

Please do check!

This website is good on diagnosing ties: www.mommypotamus.com/a-step-by-step-guide-to-diagnosing-tonguelip-ties/

My DS is a brilliant eater but I think he was fully 15mo before he had what you would call a meal.

Definitely get the health issues checked but otherwise why not take the pressure off you all a bit? I'd say have stuff like chopped fruit available but give up on sitting her down for a meal in her high chair. Instead make meals for you and DP and invite her to sit on your lap or at the table with you. She'll probably start helping herself - specially if you keep it calm and act disinterested in whether she eats or not.

This is how we weaned both of ours, they eat really well. If we weren't going to eat at a child friendly time I'd probably bulk up the snacky offers with toast or a bit of leftover dinner etc. But we didn't really bother with children's meals separately until they were past 2. My youngest is nearly 2 - she gets what's going for everyone else - she doesn't really eat enough or consistently to warrant a specially made sit down meal.

Both if mine are healthy weights and happily eat a wide range of foods, and are usually excited to try something new - especially if it's on someone else's plate! It was really important to me to facilitate a healthy relationship with food for them as I have had ED in my past. I worked through how I could do that with my therapist before they were even born! And I'd I could sum up what we devised it would be, you provide the food and they choose whether or not they eat it!

Also I notice you attribute strong likes and dislikes to your DD - I'd say get into the habit of saying or thinking 'dd doesn't fancy that today' - it's often the case that what they will eat or won't changes a lot and I've never thought of a good reason to instil in them an idea of liking or disliking as it sort of means you fix ideas that are probably a bit less definite in reality.

Both of mine didn't get 'into' food until way after 1 year old. You need to be patient!

I did find it very stressful and kept on trying, offering and wasting my time (to be perfectly honest). But it will get better!
I gave one very small 'meal' and lots of snacks. When they were as small as yours they had a load of milk too. I know this is against advice - I wanted them to eat when they were hungry and was able to feed them as and when....takes a bit of forward planning, but it worked.

I have two children now who will eat most things without a fuss at mealtimes.