Daughter on holiday with dad - so worried

[Cleo0432]

Hi everyone. I split with DD's dad in 2012 due to his drinking and generally being a rubbish husband and father. He has really cleaned up his act and is completely sober now. He has a girlfriend who has had addiction problems but is clean. He has booked a holiday in Cornwall for him, his gf, her son and our daughter. She will be going away for 4 days, and basically I'm going mad with worry. He didn't ask me abut the holiday, just booked it, told Cleo, and then told me, no consultation at all. I'm afraid of child molesters, accidents, her becoming homesick and for her general safety. Can anyone offer advice? Am I bring unreasonable?

Just to let you know you are not alone in feeling like this. I had a lot of too worries too when my XP was looking after my our son after we'd split. He was, and is a heavy drinker, his GF too.

I used to worry about neglect, health, DS being bored, fed rubbish, left on the computer all day, not having his nose wiped etc etc. If you could think of it I would worry about it. Still do. DS is 11 now and can look after himself a bit better.

I totally get it that you are worried, I'm guessing DD is young, and your protective instinct strong, but it sounds from what you've said that your ex is only doing something any regular dad would do… and you say he's off the booze. Even though it might have made you feel better, he doesn't actually have to ask your permission to go on holiday ( even with DD) . So wish them a lovely time, smile and wave, and try to keep your mind occupied whilst DD's away.. enjoy your own time for a change.

Maybe let your ex know you'd appreciate a phone call from DD mid-trip, but try to be positive about the holiday… it's so important to maintain good relations with XP's !

How old is she? And do you REALLY think Cornwall is full of child molesters?

I think you need to speak to some one about your fears, other wise you are going to cause your dd more issues in day to day life, then a holiday with her dad.

How old is your dd? Ds is 4 and I'd miss him like crazy but the other worries you describe seem a bit ott. She will be with her father who, by your own admission, is a different person now. It would be a shame to let your anxieties overshadow your dd's relationship with her father. I would, however, point out to him that you would have appreciated being consulted first. Depending on your dd's age, you may have preferred a shorter break the first time.

Hmm no just voicing a concern