Advice needed-looking after 3.5yr old & 10mth baby!

[dewdrop9]

So I'm wondering if I'm not doing enough with the children. Dd is 3.5 yrs and Ds is just going on 10mths. Dd attends nursery 4 half days a week (8am-12noon) and in that time, I usually spend most of it doing our ridiculous amounts of laundry we seem to have amassed over the few days, the cooking and the cleaning up of toys. If lucky, Ds gets an hour with me to play. Most days we stay in and play unless we have a play date/meet ups/groceries etc.

Kids are usually in bed by 6-7pm and asleep, they're up by 6am. Every.Single.D*mn.Day.

I tend to do some "work" on the computer while they're asleep (MN/FB/emails) but due to me drinking so much caffeine daily to keep going, only sleep at abt 1am...vicious cycle!

My questions:

1. For those of you with a preschooler and a crawling baby, how often do you go out in a week (mon-friday) and where?! It takes me ages to get them all coated up and bundled into a car I really think twice about whether I want to go out!

1. What time do your kids sleep and how do you manage different bedtimes when you got 2?! (We all sleep in the same room but dd has her own bed next to ours.ds cosleeps as is still bfing.)

1. What time do you sleep ?! And how do you manage all the housework etc with 2?! Totally feel like I'm not coping and I'm beginning to wonder if I'm actually secretly depressed!

Help!!

I have similar ages and I am out with them as much as possible! I know people have different standards for tidying but I just choose to leave mess on order to get out because of I don't get out I go mad ! I always feel better for getting to the park in the afternoon however hard it seems to get out - everyone's mood lifts mine and the kids

Re sleep - the 3 year old is on his own room and when the 9 month old gets tired I tell him I have to put baby to sleep and I'll b back in a minute .. He often falls asleep before I'm
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What stands out in your description is your own sleep - you really can't survive on that little sleep yourself - I also get up at six but I go to bed at 9

Can you stop all the internet stuff at night it's really bad for your sleep

No wonder you feel bad on so little sleep

At that stage I went out all the time. I found that it got quicker to get ready the more I did it. The mess at home is less as they are out. I would go to toddler groups etc and either chat to adults or enjoy some peace while they played. If we stayed in I felt like the walls were closing in

And totally agree you need to be in bed by 10. The tiredness will be getting you down. I stopped drinking caffeine after 2pm. I was then able to sleep the minute my head hit the pillow

personally at that age they were both in their own rooms, co-sleeping always had a impact on my sleep. You don't mention a partner if there is one what do they do -re housework. I would be going to a couple of toddler baby groups with the baby when older one is at nursery. ideally your baby would be getting to the point have a nap after lunch and I would encourage the older one to have some quiet time then, eg TV. Then most afternoons I would go for a walk or to the park, or have friends round or visit them. we did swimming classes for my older one at the age about 4pm which was good

Laundry the only way I can cope with it is to do at least one load every day - lots of tips in Good housekeeping section here , fly lady also works for some people.
Can you get out and do anything in the evening as well - thinking an exercise class perhaps. Also agree with PP internet off earlier

I have a 4yr old and a 1yr old. Both are in nursery 4 mornings a week 8:30 - 13:00 while I go to work.
I generally do the major housework on Saturdays. Sundays and Wednesdays are our fun days were we always do something. Thursdays we have a group, Friday we do the big shop. Mon and Tues we normally go to the park if weather ok.
I have tend to run them out to the car and then put their car blankets on as obviously can't wear coats in carseats and do their shoes then aswell as they are trapped in one place!
They both go up for a bath at 6pm then I read them both a story. Settle the 1yr old sleep (in her own room) at about 7pm and then sit with 4yr old until she falls asleep at about 7:15pm.
I don't do anything in the evenings, it's my downtime. I go to bed about 10pm as they wake up about 6:30. I don't drink any coffee in the afternoon otherwise I can't sleep either!

Thanks all! Yes, I see my downfall being the caffeine and my lack of discipline on being on the computer till late. And definitely as we spend so much time at home, it does seem like there is always something to clean up!

I used to go out (before Ds was born) with dd and we did fun things together at least 4times a week! Playgroups, visits to parks/playgrounds/outings to museums or farms etc. Since Ds was born, Ive kinda got a fear of going out with 2 kids-no idea why though, just that I think I'm unable to cope...doesn't help that my parents and in-laws constantly say "oh, it must be hard work with 2 by yourself..." Or "you must find it difficult going out/cooking/cleaning with them" etc

yes, got a husband who works long hours - he goes to work at about 7am (usually helps me with changing Ds in the morning and at least I have a decent shower in the am!) and he is back around 9pm when the kids are in bed. Weekends - he tends to do more with the kids -taking them out and I do yet more laundry and the cooking (I try to prepare food that needs to be popped into oven/freeze meals for some days of the week).

I like the idea of 1load of laundry a day - sounds more manageable! And the exercise class in the evening is something I could pursue as dh has offered to come home earlier on at least 1night a week so I can get away and do something I like with friends, have been considering pilates as there is a class near me!

Right, this is a wake up call for me to go for it and be more proactive! Get out more and forget the housework!! :-) enjoy my kids and watch them grow up (instead of worrying if the limescale in my kettle will ever get out!)

Thank you all !

I'm currently making a photo book of my now school age little ones who are very close in age. I went out every day with them and left the housework (did bare minimum).
I look at the photos and remember the fun we had together at the classes we went to. Enjoy these precious pre school years, go out and have fun. You'll have plenty of time for cleaning when they're at school!

I've given up caffeine after about 2pm too - PG Tips decaf pyramids taste exactly the same as their standard tea (there is a lot of horrible decaf out there). Has made a huge difference to getting to sleep.

We would go out every day, often just to visit friends as then I could have a cup of tea and a chat with someone I actually liked (rather than making small talk at a toddler group. DDs were infinitely more pleasant out of our house.

Bedtimes v similar to yours, though they didn't get up that early. They were in separate rooms with a groclock which even though it didn't necessarily keep them asleep they knew that before the sun came up mummy and daddy needed to sleep so they had to be v quiet (DDs now 6 and 7 and we still use them).

House was a total state (I have pretty low standards), every so often DH would get mad about the mess and we'd get a cleaner for a bit. Then I'd get annoyed at paying for it, decide I could do it myself and would cancel them, then a few months later he'd get mad and we'd get another, repeat over and over...

If you can't afford a cleaner then I'd go for little and often. There's not much you can do about the toys etc but if you see something that's actually dirty it doesn't take long to clean one thing. It's annoying as the whole place probably never looks amazing but at least it's habitable. Agree with PP that if you're out you don't make as much mess! They used to eat lunch outside a lot in the summer so I didn't have to deal with crumbs...

Also agree with a load of washing a day.

Good luck! I think sometimes it can be as simple as making a decision to get out and do things differently, then hopefully the benefits start to show and everything improves. If you think you might be secretly depressed though please do go and see your gp.

Try find places you can go that are not too busy that your DC can't escape from. That way you can get there, get settled and let them play. Friends houses, some playgroups and soft okay at very quiet times etc

We only do washing at the start of the week - Monday , Tuesday maybe wed if its drying inside. I might put nappies on once more too.

You haven't said what you do in the afternoons?

It is problabyl not possible for you to switch but we have decides to have the mormings together and send dd1 to pre school in the afternoons while dd2 sleeps. Then I work. We go out most mornings with a few days flexible and a few regular places. (Do all pay as you go type groups not structured activities).

I think you need to get out more and to get you all fresh air.

What is your set up? Do you/can you walk places or is it all driving?

Glad all thoughts helped - I do think mobile baby and a toddler is hard work but it gets easier from now on - in general :-) . Going out with both is practice mainly I think.

Another other thought from that stage is that you agree with your partner that you each get a lie in at the weekend - so one person on Saturday and on o Sun -even if you have feed the baby first. I often found then going back to sleep after that say between 7 and 9 is really high quality sleep.

I do this sometimes that the time my DH takes the DC out at the weekend I do home stuff - but do try at least sometime to do something for you when he does - eg hairdresser, shopping, child free lunch?!

Agree if you do suspect you are depressed do go to the doctor as well - it might be let see how things go in a month or so and agree about spending time with friends

Also and this has stood me in good stead for years - have a number of days week where meal are really easy and quick - I love cooking but its pretty stressful with that age kids. So things like pasta, backed potatoes, etc etc .

Also nothing wrong if you can afford it of having the baby in childcare a bit -say one day a week and a cleaner - I know they are standard Mumsnet recommendations and do assume disposable income -so apologies if they don't fit.