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Original poster

All boy families

47 replies

tiredmum81 · 27/03/2015 08:19

Hello.

I was wondering if anyone had any words of wisdom regarding having an all boy family? I have recently had my second son and am feeling really down by all the negative comments this seems to attract, from family, friends, colleagues, teachers, strangers in shops...

The day my second son was born, I had healthcare staff asking me if I'd be trying again for a girl. I have a mother in law who constantly urges me to have a girl (as if its like ordering pizza...) And when I commented that she has sons and no girls, she referred to my niece, saying that well, at least now she has a granddaughter now. My sons nursery teacher said she assumed I'd be having more children seeing as how I had 2 boys and confessed she had 4 boys trying to get a girl... My best friend admitted to trying to sway the gender of her second child to ensure she got a girl as her first child is a boy.. Strangers in shops feel the need to tell me they don't know what they'd do with a boy...

I am so sick of all these comments! I find it all depressing and now dread admitting to people I have 2 boys. My husband and mum think they are just silly comments and people don't mean anything by them, and perhaps its a sign I have lead a lucky life without much adversity, but I am shocked that people think they have the right to comment on this! Like, all the time!

Am I being over sensitive? Has anyone else had similar experiences? Is everyone right and is the perfect family made up of a boy and a girl?

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Allthelittlefoxes · 27/03/2015 10:01

People can be idiots. I have two beautiful boys and would not swap them for the world. I have had the 'not going to try for a girl then?' bullshit too and I always just say breezily 'no thank you, I'm quite delighted with the two I have!' My boys are so different and their character traits and interests cover such a broad spectrum that my house certainly isn't all 'nerf guns and bad boy behaviour'! Any more than every all girl household is relentless screeching and barbie dolls right now DS1(7) is drawing a picture for his grandma and singing 'let it go' at the top of his voice and DS2 is pushing his baby doll around in a buggy. I cant help but feel that People who express blatant gender preference one way or the other are seriously lacking in imagination.

WindMeUpAndLetMeGo · 27/03/2015 10:03

I have 3 boys and wouldn't have it any other way!! Each time it wasn't a girl DM would say "I will try not to be too disappointed!!" - SHE is desperate for a granddaughter - despite the fact she has 7 gorgeous grandsons in total!!

I get asked when I'm going to try again and the answer is never, I'm done!!

Boys are great, just ignore the stupid comments, I don't think YABU at all

Cheeriosfortotoro · 27/03/2015 10:14

Iv got the opposite to you op, dd2 is 3months and people ask me if we will try for a boy. Mil asked as soon as we found out we were having a second dd if we were going to try for a boy next time!?! I said no two children is enough for us. Then she said that's such a shame for dh! I just don't get why people say this! Its hurtful.
Enjoy your family op, boys and girls are equally wonderful. *most of dd1s friends are boys.

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feministdog · 27/03/2015 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DrCoconut · 27/03/2015 10:55

I have 2 boys and am expecting DC3. A lot of people have asked if I want a girl. I do as it happens but if its a boy that's ok too, it was not a conscious effort to have a girl or anything like that.

WhyOWhyWouldYou · 27/03/2015 15:55

I have a DS and a DD. The number of comments on us "having the set" is ridiculous. A lot also say how its nice for us not to need to try again - I can't see how having two DS's would mean needing to try again - I've only ever wanted 2children, irrespective of whether that was 2ds, 2dd or a ds and dd.

MoreBeta · 27/03/2015 16:07

I went in a shop this morning and bought a wide range of pastries enogh to fill a shopping bag. The woman serving me commented 'ohh that's a nice selection'.

Sometimes people say daft things without thinking.

We have two boys. Sometimes I think DW briefly thinks she would have liked a girl to do 'girly stuff with' but only briefly. You cant chose your children - neither their character, size, hair colour or sex.

ChillySundays · 27/03/2015 18:42

My first born DD does bugger all to help around the house!

Haven't has all the hormonal grief with my DS as I did with my DD and my DS at 16 is still happy to sit cuddling while watching TV.

Have to say when I was pregnant with DS I wanted a girl but I very quickly realized boys are lovely. He has always been a proper little boy so quite exhausting keeping up with him

lolbeansansalad · 27/03/2015 19:39

I've just had my second son and I am over the moon with him, I feel so lucky to have 2 gorgeous boys and be surrounded by men who love me! If anyone dared to say anything negative to me about my children I would bite their fucking heads off!

jaffajiffy · 27/03/2015 19:48

You need to start saying, "and we love it" or "we are really pleased" all the time. I'm expecting my second son and Ive not had any negative comments as it's hard to contradict me when I've just said how pleased we are!

Ruperta · 27/03/2015 20:13

I've got two boys and had soooo many negative comments
'Better luck next time'
Your bound to have another because everyone wants a girl
When are you trying for a girl
Are you disappointed
A daughter is for life, a son until he gets a wife
You have a different closer relationship to a daughter etc etc

I was staggered at how ride some people are. My mum had two girls and she said she got the same comments too.

Sod them, I'm one of two daughter, neither of us have a great relationship with our mum. Love my boys and if I was going to have another I would secretly prefer another boy - but nobody would believe me!

violetlights · 27/03/2015 20:19

Two wonderful boys here too and a very contented mother. I've actually had the opposite reaction more often than not, with mothers of daughters telling me they wanted boys instead. This is especially when said in front of their own poor daughters... And a bit when my own mother said it to me. Charming. People are stupid, ignore them.

mrsmugoo · 27/03/2015 20:39

Oh gosh I don't know what to say - I've got a one year old son and am trying for number 2 at the moment. Obviously a healthy child is all I ask for but if I'm honest I'd prefer another boy. I love the idea of two boys!

I'm sorry people have been such dicks to you.

Haffdonga · 27/03/2015 20:47

2 boys - now both men (plus dh). I love being surrounded by my tall gorgeous handsome males.

Nerf · 27/03/2015 20:54

I think mothers of girls tend to say this a lot. Two started a conversation either side of me in the park about how much they're hate to have boys, laughing and trying to get me to join in as my three boys charged around and climbed up the slide.
It's just rude but tbh generally boys are more boisterous and active (cue all the posters talking about their tomboys) and some people find that daunting.

BabyGanoush · 27/03/2015 21:01

Nerf, I had a friend like that.

When our boys/girls were around 9 she changed her tune! Now they are 12/13 she despairs and envies me!

cedricsneer · 27/03/2015 21:03

It is frankly very depressing and makes me feel pretty inadequate (3ds).

I get it all the time from strangers, the media and close friends. It is worse from those who have girls after boys who are often, frankly, triumphant about it.

They try and temper it with even stupider comments like, "well, it's just that I'm pleased I'll still have a great relationship with her when I am older, whereas I know I'll lose my boys." Accompanied by a simpering, patronising smile.

I aim to raise my beloved boys to be emotionally literate

Fizzyplonk · 27/03/2015 21:06

I have said before, 'maybe any suggestions for getting a girl next time?'
Hoping it jolts them into thinking that actually it's not something you can plan.

cedricsneer · 27/03/2015 21:07

Sorry, posted too soon. Yeah, I aim to raise them to keep in touch with me and not sub-contract all the relationship stuff out to their wives.

Incidentally I think it is also really unhelpful to stereotype girls as hormonal and high maintenance.

Op, I empathise. It has soured my experience of having 3ds if I am totally honest and that makes me as I adore them all.

Racheyg · 28/03/2015 21:23

I have a ds who is 20 months and I am 31 weeks pregnant with ds2 and I was over the moon when I found out. I am very much a boys mum I cannot wait for my little men to grow up. I have no desire to have a daughter, hence I will not have any more children :) x

hulahoopsilove · 28/03/2015 22:09

So agree with you, I have a friend who has 3 girls she started to alienate the boys from her daughters playdates, parties one day she said "on we dont like boys, theyre yuky" when she was pregnant with ehr 3rd she said to me "oh god what if Im having a boy" - she also only mixes with people with girls Ive noticed.

I would rather have boys any day

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 28/03/2015 22:14

I have 2 boys. I had a few comments in the early days but nothing for years.

People do move on, as you children grow they see them more as individual characters and the interest in girl vs boy wanes.

Mine are 10 and 12 now, are family is absolutely complete and wonderful. I am so blessed to have 2 charming, lovely boys, I could never ask for more.

It will pass op

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