Working on myself to be a better parent: helpful books that focus on adults not children?

[MeeWhoo]

I don´t know if I am explaining myself very well with that title.

I guess I am, or would like to be, a sort of "attachment-y type" parent, and I would like to be able to parent respecting my dcs personalities, rhythms, etc. I understand and agree with the principles of these type of "respectful" parenting, so I don't need another book to explain these or tell me why they are important.

However the sort of advice they give is "Keep calm and help your child deal with their anger". That is all fine and dandy, as long as I manage to keep calm, which is not always the case, so I don't know how the heck I can help my child manager their anger/stress if I can't do that myself!

So what I am looking for is not a parenting book, but a book that will help me deal with my own emotions and responses to stress, etc. However, if I just google, the books I can find all seem very "American" self-help style (I have visions of having to get up in the morning and talking to myself in the mirror "you can do this!"), or too spiritually focused, whereas I would like something a bit more "scientific" for want of a better word.

I realise that my impression of these books could just be a reaction to the way they are marketed and that content may be fine, that's why I would like some recommendations.

TIA

A lot of people, including Olympic athletes have used the principles in 'The Chimp Paradox'. I read it, the aim in brief is to learn how to control your emotions and focus, it uses similar techniques to some others but seems to really work for a lot if people for all sorts if purposes. Might be worth a look?

Playful Parenting is a good read, although not especially scientific.

Sorry to have disappeared, thanks a lot to you both for your suggestions, I will have a look.

Could you try mindfulness or yoga - not parenting specifically but great for dealing with emotional stress.

Steer very clear of anything that tells you not feel angry or negative at all. All emotions have a place and it is how we acknowledge and deal with them that's important - rather than aiming to repress or make them vanish.

What is mindfulness?

It's basically being aware of how you're feeling, allowing yourself to feel it - but then not exploding or doing negative things as you're aware of it iyswim.

Calm Parents, Happy Children is v much in this vein. I have only just started it after finding her emails v helpful. Google Aha Parenting to see if you like the tone.

Following with interest, MeeWhoo - it sounds like we have similar aims! I always thought I was patient and calm until I had DC.

Parenting from the Inside Out is this sort of thing, all about how your earlier experiences affects your parenting.

Thank you so much, I think these are the kind of things I was looking for, so I will investigate a bit more once the children are in bed.

Teladi, although I have always known that I have a bad temper, it would really take a lot to make me lose my rag once I was out of my teens, and most people probably think I am very patient, the problem is once I lose it, I do it style, and I really don't want to do that at all.

The other day I dreamt that ds was being annoying and that I slapped in return, and I really don't want that to become reality.

I second calm parents happy kids. The website in general is very useful. On mindfulness, there's a book about mindfulness for parents by Jon kabat zin and his other books are pretty accessible. I have similar issues with anger and my brother has recommended ticht nan (or something like that) Buddhist teachings. And if it's helping my very stressy brother that is quite an achievement!